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You. You have an evil twin, or a doppelganger, or an arch nemesis that has cloned you and now lives in your body.
Your mother has an evil twin, your dog has an evil twin, Abraham Lincoln had an evil twin, George W. Bush is somebody’s evil twin, you get the point.
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[edit] How they are written into your life
An evil gay twin is likely to appear in your life when they are most unwelcome, just by pure coincidence, and immediately they will begin doing acts of evil and framing you for it, since despite the fact everyone has an evil twin, they always refuse to believe someone else has one too, since surely logic dictates that not everyone can have a twin and not all of them can be evil, wrong, just as 42 is definitely the meaning of life, and that John Titor came from the future, every single person has an evil twin, which is never you, since despite all the murders you committed, some astronomically stupid force has dictated that you are still good, I mean, you had to kill those people right? Nobody may know of your affair.
Once you need to defend your case, claiming it wasn’t you who committed all the crimes you naturally turn to your mother, who normally claims she never told you, but you have a twin who was pure evil, and somehow, they just vanished randomly and no one saw them again. Again, wrong. They have been watching you your entire life, probably via that tiny opened section in your closet, through the eyes of your teddy bear, and the camera in your mobile phone, how they managed to insert those devices is a mystery, and should never be solved, it is however quite possible that those objects weren’t there until the evil twin emerged from nowhere to ruin your life. I mean, you could have just checked your birth certificate to see if you had a twin, but whatever, things don’t make sense.
As the trial starts, it is possible that you will see the twin in the court spectators, take no notice, nobody else can see them, or the goatee, or the scars on their face, in fact, if you point them out now, they will escape, and during a thorough check of the court records, they will not appear, and the trial will continue, the twin may or may not come back if you do this. Instead, make sure to gaze vacantly at their location, as if to say ‘I will make you responsible for what you did’. At the end of the trial, when all hope is lost, point to them and yell ‘They are guilty, not me!’ and they will run away, only to be tackled by guards, and be imprisoned, even if you can’t prove they did anything anyway. They will then leave your life permanently until the writers decide for a comeback, no mention of the situation will ever be made again, and you won’t remember it when people you know find their personal evil twins.
[edit] Spot your twin
The average evil twin is as described above, goateed, scared, grey faced and enjoys both vandalizing things, and sleeping with your girlfriend/wife, and sometimes they are also murderers, but usually not so much as you are, actually, when you think about it, you could be their evil twin, since you are really, much worse then they are, aren’t you? Never mind, you’re a main character, so it doesn’t really matter, best not to think about it really.
[edit] Hero Benefits
While ordinary people have evil twins, superheroes and The Doctor, have doppelgangers and nemesis’, while similar to evil twins, they have many differences, for one, they can’t die. Ever. I mean, you could drop them into a supernova, inside an unbreakable steel cube, and around two years later, they will emerge, not giving any explanation about how they escaped, no doubt they will also have lots of henchmen, because they always do.
They always have excellent reasons for creating destruction, like, a traumatic childhood, someone burning of their hair, again as a child, and money, which to build the vast empires they have, they must already have vast reserves of it, but a little more is always good, just ask Bill Gates!
If none of these things apply to you, then you are an evil twin, so get out there and start reeking havoc, because, it will be around ten episodes until they stop you, and if you don’t start soon, then space and time will be destroyed somehow.
[edit] See Also
Evil, Dementia, Michael Jackson, The Michelon Man, Bibumdum, They Might Be Giants
[edit] Origins
While the origins of vaginal expulsions of air have been the bane of lovers, and woman who live by their talents since the dawn of human expirience, the advent of the F-5 Tuna Tornado is a relativly recent invention, its first useage dating to the early 19th Century.
Template:Catalan-speaking world The Tió de Nadal (roughly "Christmas Log"), also known as "Tió" (trunk or log, a big piece of cut wood) or "Tronca" ("log") and popularly called "Caga tió" (pooping log in English), is a character in Catalan mythology relating to a Christmas tradition widespread in Catalonia. A similar tradition exists in other places such as the cachafuòc or soc de Nadal in Occitania, or the Tizón de Nadal or Tronca de Nabidá in Aragon.
The form of the tió de Nadal found in many Catalan homes during the holiday season is a hollow log of about thirty centimetres length. Recently, the tió has come to stand up on two or four little stick legs with a broad smiling face painted on the higher of the two ends, enhanced by a little red sock hat (a miniature of the traditional Catalan barretina) and often a three-dimensional nose. Those accessories have been added only in recent times, altering the more traditional and rough natural appearance of a dead piece of wood.
The Catalan word tió (log) is unrelated to the Spanish word tío.
Beginning with the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (December 8), one gives the tió a little bit to "eat" every night and usually covers him with a little blanket so that he will not be cold at night.
On Christmas day or, depending on the particular household, on Christmas Eve, one puts the tió partly into the fireplace and orders it to "poop" (the fire part of this tradition is no longer as widespread as it once was, since many modern homes do not have a fireplace). To make him "poop", one beats him with sticks, while singing various songs of Tió de Nadal.
The tió does not drop larger objects, as those are brought by the Three Wise Men. It does leave candies, nuts and torrons. Depending on the part of Catalonia, it may also give out dried figs. When nothing is left to "poop", it drops a salt herring, a head of garlic, an onion or "urinates". What comes out of the tió is a communal rather than individual gift, shared by everyone present.
In addition to the names listed in the opening paragraph, the additional nickname "Caga Tió" ("pooping log")[1] derives from the many songs of Tió de Nadal that begin with this phrase, which was originally (in the context of the songs) an imperative ("Poop, log"). The use of this expression as a name is not believed to be part of the ancient tradition.
The tradition of the tió could be related to that of the Christmas tree.
Here is a song of the "caga tió":
| caga tió, caga torró, | Pooping log, poop turrón, |
An alternate version goes something like this:
| caga tió, tió de Nadal, | Pooping log, log of Christmas, |
After hitting it softly with a stick during the song it is hit harder on the words "caga tió!". Then somebody puts his hand under the blanket and takes a gift. The gift is opened and then the song begins again. There are many such songs: these are just examples.
