Today's featured article

A faggot is a woodwind instrument in the double reed family, used to play music written in the bass and tenor registers and occasionally even higher, apart from when they have those really annoying squeaky put-on voices sometimes that just put my teeth on edge.

I'm as liberal as the next person, but it just doesn't seem natural to choose to be a faggot player. Because it is a choice, and don't let them tell you any different - they could have picked up any instrument in that music shop, but what did they choose? Not a drum kit or something manly like a trumpet, that's for sure.

Due to the complicated fingering and the problem of reeds, the faggot is one of the more difficult instruments to learn; schoolchildren typically take up the faggot only after starting on another easier instrument. Which means they're perfectly happy when they're kids, and then suddenly they get lured off into that life. I mean what more proof do you need? (more...)

Yesterday's featured article

The men in blood-stained overcoats who stay out of sight, waiting for just the right moment, although vehemently denied by your psychologist, are indeed real. We at Uncyclopedia are here to calm your fears, and help prepare you for the inevitable.

It's interesting that you "stumbled over this article": Were you just searching for things relevant to your life? Did that stupid Random Page button drop you here? Did you just turn on your computer to find this page staring you in the face? Did a friend STRONGLY recommend that you look up "The Men in Blood-Stained Overcoats Who Stay Out of Sight, Waiting For Just the Right Moment" as soon as possible on a reputable wiki? Whatever the reason, it's clear: Someone... or someTHING...

...IS OUT TO GET YOU (more...)

• ...that snow is what happens when angels are sucked into jet engines?

• ...that the expensive Isis, Queen of Heaven Barbie™ comes with a full-sized Dream Pyramid™?

• ...that the gorilla in King Kong was real, but Jack Black was created with CGI?

• ...that The Annual One-Day-Only Winter Holidays Earlybird 5:00 AM 99% Off Sale is a Christmas Winter Holiday Christmas-oriented sales event unlike any other?

• ...that the current world record for solving a 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube is the shortest possible instant of time?

• You're great!
• No, you are!
• Asperger Syndrome inspires everyone on the planet
• Children remind us what's important
• Elderly impart valuable wisdom
• Candy falls out of sky
• Leprechauns surrender all their gold
• US Border Patrol says, "Everyone in! It's lovely over here!"
• Even Iraq getting cheerful
• Man arrested for using wrong tomato sauce . . . but it's OK!
• Mathematicians prove P ≠ NPR

October 6 : Anniversary of the invention of the condom

• 1901 - Midget condom invented, riots in the street as they go into short supply
• 1915 - Max Planck publishes his long awaited thesis The Rubber-film Effect of Spacetime. Nobody understood it.
• 1924 - Buster Keaton stars in a Catholic PSA urging people not to use condoms. Reminding them that castration is the best prevention against unwanted children.
• 1967 - Your mum becomes pregnant with you, after a broken condom, THANKS DUREX!
• 1984 - In attempt to diffuse the condom shortage riots, Big Brother increases the chocolate ration from 25 grams to 20 grams
• 2000 - At the annual festival in Mecca celebrating the Muslim faith, 42 people are trampled as the Condom tent is oppened on the far size of the plaza. This is a historic low as camel populations have waned in recent decades.
• 2001 - You realize you were a mistake.
• 2004 - Generic High School in Anytown, USA receives a surplus of 1,000,000 condoms to hand out to students. They are all used up by the end of the day, yet all the women still get pregnant.
• 2007 - Yorkshire declares independance from the UK. Paul McCartney is crowned king, the theme from heartbeat becomes thier national anthem
• 2010 - A threesome is created.
• 2011 - It split into a twosome and a onesome.
• 2012 - The twosome became two onesomes.
• 2013 - It was discovered that three onesomes is not as good as one threesome.
• 2191 - In an attempt to control violence between deep-space miners, the New Earth Government legalized no-holds-barred fighting.

UnBooks: An 82 Year Old Woman Wants My Body! | My mommy | UnTunes:Song has been (Deleted by the Artist) | Kim (sexy barista) | (The Farmer's Wife's Got A Four Inch Crack In Her, But She Ain't) Broken | Moron section | Do not change the title! | Grim Reaper (rw) | International Talk Like A Landlubber Day (rw) | Civilization IV (rw) | Spore (rw) | UnBooks:DIY and Carpentry Tips by Jesus Christ | Why?:Did I just read Twilight? | Klestosapharot | UnTunes:Myspace Is Ghay | Why?:Am I a Power Ranger? | Plato's Symposium: The Abridged Script | Republican Party Pornography | Total Trash | You should talk about ponies - A letter to Bill Richardson | Pie Chart | Fuck fucking fucked fucker fucking fuckups fuck fucking fucked fucking fuckup fucking fucker's fuck | Rule of Three | UnPoetia:Abraham Lincoln's fair-weather waffle frolic | Bomb Shelter

More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

What can one possibly say about Hyperbole? In the past few months, his writing has liberated the Uncyclopedia people from the chains of mediocrity. He's practically rewritten the entire comedic bible in his stay at this website. Funnier than a bear is strong! Why, the sheer significance of this amazing writer's talents, completely eclipses the significance of events as important as 9-11! And that's not all. "Hype" as we like to call him, is quite the ladies man. Women are just falling all over him!!! And so am I! I'm falling all over him! I'm infatuated with this writer's REVOLUTIONARY contributions to comedy! I'm going to die! Do you hear me?! I'M GOING TO FUCKING DIE!!! That's how good he is!

Following years of contempt, despair, anguish, noobish behavior, sexually transmitted diseases, and spanking all around the ultimate noob finally got his due. Oh, and so did the other guy.

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