User:RAHB/Talk Archive 6

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This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:RAHB.

Talk Archive 1 (2/28/07 - 7/6/07)

Talk Archive 2 (7/6/07 - 9/8/07)
Talk Archive 3 (9/8/07 - 12/8/07)
Talk Archive 4 (12/8/07 - 5/18/08)
Talk Archive 5 (5/18/08 - 7/12/08)
Talk Archive 6 (7/12/08 - 8/20/08)
Talk Archive 7 (8/20/08 - 12/3/08)

Contents

Poo Lit Surprise

I'm sending you this because you are signed up to judge the Poo Lit Surprise. If you no longer want to judge or are incapable of, please tell me as soon as possible. If you're still good to go, here are the instructions:

First, read all of the articles in your specified category. Second, judge them. Judge how you like, as long as it's at least fair and based on merit (one suggestion would be to use the Pee Review format). Post your top 5 articles here. Hit me up on my talk page for questions, comments, or if these rules are not cognizant within you.

Thank you again for your valued participation in the balletic train wreck that is the Poo Lit Surprise! ~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:28, 15 July 2008 (UTC)

Because you helped me...

...you get a cookie! Thanks for the formatting help, RAHB, I needed that.

You get a COOKIE!
You have done something. It might be good, it probably was bad, but whatever it was, you deserve a cookie for it! So here's one now, from Velosi-T, who appreciates your efforts. Knock yourself out.
Damn, that's a lot bigger than the average cookie people give around here. I think people are gonna start doing nice things for you just to get one of those massive cookies....mmmmmm, cooooookiiiieees. -RAHB 02:08, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
muhahahaYay! my evil plan is working perfectly That was an unexpected consequence.... heh. heh....heh...... --Velosi-T 02:22, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

User:Cajek/Polar Express

Hey RAHB, you seem to be on the fast-track to adminhood. You know more about the PLS than I do, and I have some questions about my latest userspace article. Would you be willing to oblige me a few answers?   CAKE J! <5:40, 17 Jul 2008>

Ask away, I'll tell you whatever I can. -RAHB 06:01, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
There's no Polar Express article (as far as I can tell), so maybe it should go in the "mainspace" category. But it's written like a book, so many "alternate" namespace? Is this the kind of stuff that PLS accepts? (P.S., I hope you're doing okay, RAHB!)   CAKE J! <6:29, 17 Jul 2008>
It looks like 100% book to me. I'd put it in the alternate namespaces category. I can't imagine what a mainspace article for it would be like, but so far yours looks like it would fit right in the UnBooks namespace (interesting fact, UnBooks isn't technically a namespace at all, it's just a fake one made up in the mainspace, which you probably already know from your research on wikia numbers and all). So yeah, unless you change the format around, keep it in alternate, but I think I like it just how it is. (P.S. After PLS, can I audio it? I really want to do the jovial black guy and little kids voices. I was reading it like that the whole time.) (P.S.S. Don't worry about me, man. We all have to go through some shit sometime in our lives, better I get mine out of the way now. It's unfortunate, but "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do..." or something.) -RAHB 06:34, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
Okay, it's in the alternate mainspace category now. And, yes, I was definitely thinking of you to do the audio. That would be really cool! By the way, did you notice I tricked out that car picture all by myself? I hope you enjoyed reading that stupid article, and thanks for the advice! (P.S.S. I think that, as long as you can laugh at your situation, you'll do good. And you? You've got a flexible, ha-ha, type of personality. Please don't become "hardened" by this experience, okay RAHB? You're too fun a guy.)   CAKE J! <6:43, 17 Jul 2008>
Haha, that's pretty good, but only if that light area around the lights is tape. If it isn't, well then, your MS Paint is showing. Either way, I totally didn't notice it was photoshopped. Also, consider the audio put on my to-do list then, right after that one for Burninator. (Parentheses: Don't worry man, if anything, I can come out of it with the knowledge that afterward I can progress and do things the way I want to. Nothing's gonna "harden" me, unless of course we're talking in strictly sexual terms....oooh yeah, looking for cheap houses gets me so turned on. Ahhhh yeeeeeeeah..) -RAHB 06:59, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
It's a TERRIBLE picture, and no, I used the Mac version of MS Paint called Appleworks, which you've probably never heard of. (Yeah, definitely use sexual jokes on whoever is selling their houses. It'll catch 'em off guard!) Okay, I'm goin' to bed!   CAKE J! <7:06, 17 Jul 2008>
Maybe I wasn't looking at it in the right light....I'll try to turn my monitor on its side next time I get the time...which will be never. Oh man, I can see it now: "Hey, this For Sale sign...can I buy special condoms for that at like, the grocery store or something? I'm just wondering, you know, not that I'm for contraception or anything, I just want to minimize the chance of splinters, and stuff....." -RAHB 07:11, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
"For sale? This house would make a TERRIBLE xtra large, splinter flavored condom!"   CAKE J! <12:41, 17 Jul 2008>
"Exactly how many phallic appliances are there inside the house? Uh...more importantly, how large are they?" -RAHB 15:26, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
"Could you point out the places where my dick would fit? It's for my cousin. Nah, I'm kidding, it's for me."   CAKE J! <15:47, 17 Jul 2008>
"What can you tell me about the whole 'indecent exposure' thing around here? Do people, like....care if I'm fucking the water meter in broad daylight? Or do I have to wait 'till night? What if I do it behind the tree in the front yard?" -RAHB 15:52, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
"On an unrelated note, where is the animal shelter? Where, in this neighborhood, are the fuckable animals? Is there any ordinance regarding animal-fucking that I should know about?"   CAKE J! <15:58, 17 Jul 2008>
"You guys do the whole Weekend Animal Fucking thing, right? My old neighborhood did that, before the accident I mean. That's not why I moved out, I loved those animals, you know. But I figured this place would have them too. You guys do have them, right?" -RAHB 16:00, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
"Do you guys have an annual Animal Fucking Festival like they did in my old neighborhood? It wasn't official, but it gave my old neighborhood a certain charm. Do you have anything like that? Maybe a zoo or something? Seriously. You've gotta try it."   CAKE J! <16:04, 17 Jul 2008>
"Oh no, don't worry, it's cool if you guys aren't into that kind of thing, it's fine really. I know it takes some time to adjust to that sort of thing, especially when you're so far away from the zoo....so anyways, I'll set up the pigpen right over here. I figure after a few weeks I might rally up a few of the locals and try to get a public animal-human crossover kind of park going. Wouldn't that be so awesome?" - We totally need to write My Old Neighborhood. -RAHB 16:09, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
OMG, is there a collaboration section in PLS??   CAKE J! <16:12, 17 Jul 2008>
No =( Collaborations used to be allowed, but they got rid of it this time because the rules for collabs were too complex and nobody ever did them. -RAHB 16:13, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
Well, we don't have to do PLS to do a collab! Maybe we should give it a shot?   CAKE J! <16:46, 17 Jul 2008>
It sure sounds enticing. And we may have just written half of the content already. Or just the basic idea. Whatever. Anyways, we're both working on our PLS stuff, but I am moving later this month. Since I don't know whether I'll have internet or not, I guess I'll have to keep you updated by the day. But if we end up finishing our entries early (I plan on finishing my mainspace one today), I think we could probably go for it right away. If that's good with you. -RAHB 17:01, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
I'm doing my mainspace article right now (inspired by your observational humor one), and I have an essay to write (*gulp*) so maybe this evening? It's good we're both in the same time zone. And the same metaphorical neighborhood. The one with the Fuckable Animals.   CAKE J! <17:10, 17 Jul 2008>
I love inspiring things. If mine can't be good, at least somebody can get an idea out of it. And yeah, this evening sounds pretty good, I don't think I've got anything going on today (if today is, in fact, Thursday, I'm losing track of days). I'll meet you over by the "petting" zoo, at around...well, I'll probably be around most of the night, just look for me I guess. -RAHB 17:23, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

This

is brilliant. I wish I'd thought of it! Can't wait to see the finished product. -OptyC Sucks! Image:Icons-flag-us.png cun17:35, 17 Jul

Wow, thanks man. I guarantee the finished product will be a lot nicer. Right now it's just me babbling for the most part, though I've been plotting it out for weeks. Glad you like it. -RAHB 17:38, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

I think you have told me to do this...

“If I don't have it done by Wednesday you can burn me at the stake.”

~ RAHB

Well, if you insist.

HE'S A WITCH!

You have obviously done something to wound me. I'm probably sitting at home crying right now. I could release my anger in a healthy, intelligent way..... NAH!

BURN 'IM!

I only did this becuase you asked me to.

This hurts me more than it hurts you.

Honestly, I'm not in a rush, so this isn't a warning or anything. Just doing what you told me to do....maybe next time tell me to do something nice for you. It'll totally end up better for one of us. (Sorry about the 5th degree burns.) The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 21:59, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Man, I'd totally ask you for a blowjob next time too, but these 5th degree burns have scorched the nerve sensors off of my body. Ow. In other news, I'm sorry it's taken so long, I think I'll be having time tomorrow for it, I do want to make sure it's really good, so you need not worry about quality. But it will get done, thanks for reminding me (and for the shiny template). -RAHB 00:31, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
I do what I'm asked. But honestly, if you're writing stuff for PLS or something, I can wait. It's not a huge rush. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 03:07, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
Oh, not at all. Well, I mean yes at all, I am writing for the PLS, but that has nothing to do with taking up my audio time. Mainly because I usually do audio in the mid-to-late afternoon, and I usually write in the very early-to-early mornings. But I've had some other things going on, as well as obvious laziness and occasional forgetfulness factoring in. Still, I think I can say it'll be done tomorrow. -RAHB 03:11, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
Wow. Very very good sir. It sounds awesome. Thanks for the help. I feel like I should give you something, but I'm sure the earlier template will suffice. But, You Rock. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 06:11, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
Cool cool. I wanted to make it sound like a bathroom, but I couldn't get it to. So then I decided, elevator (which makes it funny because they're somehow on a seven minute elevator ride with no stops). Glad you like it man. -RAHB 06:35, 19 July 2008 (UTC)

I'm BACK!!!

Image:Newcookie.gif Somebody has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.


Hey RAHB, I'm back! Sorry to scare you, I just took a break for a few days, or weeks. I made some edits on my article I had sex with your wife to add a new section, without taking any of your advice, but I'll get that in later, lol. :) thanks! --Liz muffin 22:24, 17 July 2008 (UTC)

Aw man, not more audio requests

Hey RAHB, I was looking at Riddle and I thought: There's RAHB. Especially since you nominated it, I think! If you're running out of audios, that would be cool. And THEN in AUGUST after PLS, you can do Polar Express! Meh, just throwing some ideas at you. Like rotten tomatoes.

Also, we should eventually write My Old Neighborhood once I get back to normal. This summer was crazy, so as soon as I feel more awake, we can get started. Alright, nice talking to you, RAHB! Hope everything's okay!   CAKE J! <17:05, 19 Jul 2008>

I can give it a shot when I'm a little more back to normal myself. After I get all my PLS entries in, I'm gonna be doing less in the way of contributions that aren't site maintenance until I get more of an idea of what all is gonna be happening with my housing situation. Other than that, I'll definitely be recording Polar Express, Riddle, and redoing the one for Serious eventually as well. And we're definitely writing My Old Neighborhood. I'm thinking something like mid-August for all of these, all depending on things, but I think it's a feasible goal. I'll be sure to keep you updated on everything. Thanks for always giving me things to do, ya crazy. -RAHB 17:20, 19 July 2008 (UTC)

HD,IB!

Meesa back now, what a long and boring trip. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Where'd you go? -RAHB 23:52, 19 July 2008 (UTC)
Mataguay Scout Camp. That place sucks. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
What?! NO FUCKING WAY! I used to go there every summer when I was in the Boy Scouts! That place does really suck though, but still. -RAHB 00:14, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
Rahb was in the boy scouts? Jeez. NOW he's gonna teach us about how animal fucking festivals are immoral.   CAKE J! <0:21, 20 Jul 2008>
Oh no man, I was the worst Boy Scout ever. I half-assed everything, somehow still got promoted to Life Scout, was always fucking around or laying around being lazy. Never did any of the physical merit badges, except biking which was really fucking easy. I sucked at Boy Scouting. I was in Boy Scouts when I was a *shudder* Mormon, too. It was Boy Scouts led by the Mormons. That was something. But please, by all means Cajek, fuck the hell out of those animals. The festival wouldn't be the same without the 8 o'clock Cajek-Caribou Showdown! -RAHB 00:24, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
(we have to write that article)   CAKE J! <0:37, 20 Jul 2008>
It is our destiny ...to make babies -RAHB 00:47, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
I was always a fan ofchild development   CAKE J! <0:56, 20 Jul 2008>
I was always a fan of your penis.... -RAHB 02:44, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, I am star right now and have been in for 1 and a half years or some crap. The place is a classic, but a run-down peice-of-shit classic just the same. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
Yeah. Good times there, but not the most sought after place to spend my summer vacation. -RAHB 00:34, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
I'd stick with Emerald Bay on Catalina. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)
Who wouldn't? Seriously. -RAHB 00:47, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

This boy scouts revelation definitely explains a number of things about RAHB's version of heterosexual living. Lets just say that the salute wasn't the only thing involving three fingers. --THINKER 05:01, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

The "merit badges" I "pin on people's chests" aren't exactly orthodox Boy Scout regulation either. -RAHB 02:34, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

July 17th, 2008 • Eleventh Issue • This issue isn't late, your calendar is fast.

It's The Poo Lit. Surprised?

By UU

Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace.

Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something.

This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it.

At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them.

VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running

By UU

In an unprecedented turn of events, and due to namby-pamby unclear rules that have since been firmed up and given a healthy gay colour makeover, Uncyclopedia is voting for further candidates to be admitted to the non-existent cabal.

The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites.

  • Heerenveen - Uncyclopedia's Tank. Doesn't sleep, eat, dream or pet fluffy animals. Does nothing, in fact, but patrol Special:Recentchanges, rolling over cyberbullying, shooting down crap, smoking out vandals and reverting their stuff, and other tank-like activities. What to expect: extreme diligence, and a bigger gun, apparently.
  • MrN9000 - Profiled in the Unsignpost only last week, MrN has still found time to become even more awesome than he was then, and mends, mentors and poopsmiths his way around the site with matchless dedication. What to expect: zero tolerance for anything pants.
  • Roman Dog Bird - Frankie is another tireless worker in the name of making crap stuff less crap, good stuff betterer, and shite stuff deleted. Wherever there is a thankless task to be done on the wiki, you shall find him. Which is a good job, because we have no intention of thanking him. What to expect: him to be ready from day one (hmm, that's a catchy slogan...)
  • Dr. Skullthumper - A true legend of Uncyclopedia: handsome, talented, possessed of unprecedented levels of awesome, and a genius towards whom this newspaper (that he co-founded) is not in the least bit biased. Oh no. And can he give the editorial staff their teddies back now, please? What to expect: benevolent dictatorship with an iron fist. In a good way.
  • RAHB - What comes to mind when you hear the name RAHB? Is it VFD? QVFD? QTVFD? RecentChanges? All those answers are correct and more when you get the new and improved RAHB this month! RAHB is an Uncyclopedia policy wonk with all the credentials of Al Gore, except for that Vice-President thing. What to expect: former audio superstar turned into a big, friendly admin. In a good way!

Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered.

Check out these pages!
From our logs:
  • 17:49, 11 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.173.54.200 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This is a penis, this is you)
  • 18:29, 11 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 156.34.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This ban is approved by the society of Chuck Norris followers. Chuck, for a better world )
  • 23:37, 13 July 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked Jimbo spends foundation money in russian prostitutes (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (IN them?)
  • 08:31, 17 July 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.73.10.118 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (If there something I really detest is IPs with small penii trying to act like big honchos on a wiki web site. I'd like to meet you one day, Mr. IP, and send you over the IP hospital)
Biopic of the Week

Hyperbole ~ Hype is awesome! Hype has been on Uncyc for just a short time, and yet has already written some of the greatest articles ever composed by human beings! Hype is easily the greatest author ever to have graced this humble wiki, and it is surely only a matter of time before he sails past Ljlego's record of 76 features with consummate ease. And despite not having either the Democrat or Republican nomination, Hype is also the surest bet in this year's Presidential elections! Is there anything this guy can't do? Apart from that thing with the rosary and the 3 Mexican children?

Comeback of the Week

Gerrycheevers ~ For the third or fourth time this year, Uncyc's comeback kid has again popped through his revolving catflap to grace us with his presence after a period of absence! The UnSignpost staff are accepting bets as to how long this comeback will last. Any takers?

Plea of the Week

Hey you! Yes you! You're reading this, so you must have some free time you don't know what to do with, so why not write an article for the UnSignpost! As you can tell from reading this very issue, actual writing talent is not required, just spout some gubbins about something that's happened on the wiki during the last week, and as long as it's not too likely to start drama, we'll probably stick it in! How can you refuse? Go on, be your friend?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox
THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:06, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

Howto: Inject Rats into your bloodstream

I'm thinking of writing a new article that may even be better than the last. How about Howto: Inject rats into your bloodstream? Help me if you think its worth it =)--Liz muffin 00:25, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

Wow, that sounds like a great one. I love absurd humor like that, if done properly it sounds like it could be pretty good. I say go for it, if you need any help, just ask. -RAHB 00:28, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

Another article to help with

RAHB, you can help with this UnNews if you want. I didn't really make it the funny type, but I think it is a great idea. ~ Mgr.ReadMeSoon!? 23:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

I may take a look at it. For the time being, I'm mainly just doing site maintenance for the next couple weeks until my whole housing situation clears up. I haven't had much time to write, or gotten much inspiration. -RAHB 04:56, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

Monsieur RAHB

How would you like to become the deputy master of Unnews? Seeing as Zim is not on lately, we need someone to take care of Unnews - mainly with the lead articles update, categories and basically pushing that place back to its former glory. What do you think? ~Jewriken.GIF 11:25, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, sure I'll do it. I guess. Pffft. I guess. -CAJK 11:48, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Don't mind Cajek. But seriously, fuck yeah I'll do it. The only problem I have right now is that I'm not sure what my schedule is looking like until about the 31st. I'm moving sometime this month, but I should be ready to go again in August. But if you need some help with it right now, I can still offer my services until the time comes for me to move. -RAHB 11:55, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Thing is, I can't get around to do it at all with the general maintenance. And no other admin is looking after the place currently. I figured since you know Unnews very well you'll do a good job :) ~Jewriken.GIF 12:19, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, I think I'm pretty well versed in the goings on with it. I'd be glad to take on the job. So just clarify for me once more, exactly everything that I need to work on. Categories, Lead Article templates, welcoming to UnNews I suppose if Zim won't be doing that anymore either (I haven't bothered to check just now whether he still does). Anything else I should be looking after? -RAHB 12:30, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
On second thought, I can't. I'm too busy right now. Got a lotta stuff on my plate, like finding a new neighborhood. -CAJK 12:35, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Cajek, stop trying to confuse Mr. Dillo (and me). Now let the adults talk about their adult things. You can come back later and we'll....ahem..."play" with the animals...if you know what I mean...and I think you do...what I mean is that we're going to have wild animal sex with the animals...and apparently underage sex as well since I just inferred that you were a child in this hypothetical, role-playing-ish situation...and you very well might be because I don't know your actual age...but we'll still get to fuck the animals anyways....in the new neighborhood....if you know what I mean.... -RAHB 12:43, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
I'd love to write that article with you Cajek, but my house had a rat "problem". You see, they were running up and down "holes" in my "house" all willy-nilly, and now I have to move out. As far as animal fucking goes, it's all good in my book, so long as it has a spine. And none of those marsupials with their "pouches". It's too easy. -CAJK 13:06, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
I hope it all works out for you RAHB, in the meantime I'll be writing 74 articles a day with one hand while I fuck this kangaroo here with the other (marsupials rule man, what are you talking about?). We can write that article and have an animal fucking party and everything. Also, hopefully your new house doesn't have the rat problem. The problem of course being that the rats are not very fuckable. It's a pity. -  ~   RAHB!
I'm too tired to try and figure out who do I need to ban here O_O. Anyway, RAHB, this seems right. Also maybe help pushing forward with the audio section. I wouldn't say Zim is away for good, it's probably just a hiatus. So generally - keep the place clean, update the lead articles on regular basis, maintain categories, help people around. That's it more or less. I'll leave Zim a message so he wouldn't freak out when he sees you sit around in his living room putting your feet on the brand new sofa. ~Jewriken.GIF 22:01, 23 July 2008 (UTC)
Sounds good. Well I'll certainly be doing that then. Thanks for the consideration and all, I'll just go add a couple pages to my watchlist and all that other such. Cheers. -RAHB 00:41, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
Mordillo, ban RAHB. I MEAN CAJEK!! I mean RAHB. -CAJK 00:43, 24 July 2008 (UTC)
Clearly the one who needs to be banned here is Cajek. BAN!....BAN! BAN! BAN! -RJewriken.GIFH!B

Really?

RE the hiding edits thing for PLS... I knew users with oversight could remove edits from the history, but I did not know it was possible to stop changes appearing in RC. MrN Image:Icons-flag-gb.png HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png 12:09, Jul 23

I think that's what I heard. From a totally reputable source...I think. I'd ask about it to be sure, I just thought of it on a hunch. -RAHB 12:15, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 24th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

July 24th, 2008 • Twelfth Issue • Now On Time?

Count to a million

By Gerrycheevers

This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro.

The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project.

Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants." Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist."

Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream...

Cheevers Fires Back!

By An unbiased journalist

After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears.

When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!"

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From our logs:
  • 23:16, 19 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.254.51.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Wow! I was gonna go the rest of my life hating Metallica, but you've opened my eyes to their true greatness! You, sir, are an hero! An hero!)
  • 23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend)
  • 21:53, 22 July 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) huffed "Slappy's Angels" ‎ (VFD - I throw in anotherv invisible vote to put these at -4/-5 (YEAH I'M TOO LAZY TO EDIT))
Biopic of the Week

Sycamore ~ One of Uncyc's noteworthy Caledonian correspondents, Sycamore claims his prowess at writing stems from a hearty diet of haggis, neeps and tatties, washed down wi' a whisky, a can of Irn-Bru, and a gratuitous stereotype. He's managed to stay sober long enough to write quality articles on Battleship Potemkin, David Bowie and Tony Visconti, and doubtless celebrated in true Scottish fashion - with a couple of cans of Tennent's and a fight!

Page of the Week (straight version)
Page of the Week (gay version)
This Week's Horoscopes
GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE
  • Pisces (Feb. 19 - March. 19) - The position of Mars renders you the likely victim of pirate attacks this week. Carefully guard any grog, wenches, and booty you may have accumulated.
Foreign Uncyc Page of the Week:

Italian Linux and the Crappy Translation

Really Old Image Request of the Week

For an UnTune. Seriously, this one has been around for ages, and no-one seems to be able to sort it out. Any takers? A certain psychotic frog will doubtless shower any helpful soul with gratitude. Or a template. Or something.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox
THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:43, 24 July 2008 (UTC)

Thanks

For the vote for n00b of the month! --mrmonkey72 16:23, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

No problem, you've really been earning it lately. Keep up the good work. -RAHB 22:44, 27 July 2008 (UTC)

Let me be the first person you ban.

Since you're gonna be an admin soon, the first thing you should do is ban me for 10 minutes. Serious. Freakazoid and Alice Cooper suck. That should be enough. --Pleb Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 02:31, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

You can just call me "The Baninator". -RAHB 02:35, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
Thank you Mr. "The Baninator"! --Pleb Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 02:36, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
No problem, Mr. "The Baninated". -RAHB 02:37, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
That name sounds familiar... The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 05:14, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
I can't imagine how... -RAHB 05:35, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
I can banninate the lot of you right now. Just say the word. ~Jewriken.GIF 07:14, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
The word is "muffin." -RAHB 09:08, 30 July 2008 (UTC)
Muffin? *eek* - [10:19 30 July] Sir FSt Don MafiaHatBlack.gif Yettie
Yes. Muffin. -RAHB 10:22, 30 July 2008 (UTC)

Obama-related conversation on my talkpage

We'll have milk and cookies, afterwards. Sir Modusoperandi 08:22, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

Rocking, and it's relative merits

Yes, I named her "Evelyn The Modified Dog"... that's how reverend zim_ulator rolls. It's one of my favorite Zappa songs. Evie likes when I sing it to her, but ignores FZ when he's on the stereo. She also likes another song I made up called "(I have a) Cookie for the puppy, fuck the kitties!", soon to be release as an UnTune. My new PC fixin's are on their way, and I'm hoping to have a decent studio again. As it it, I can't even listen to music any more!
Also, thanks for all of your help around UnNews. I feel a bit like an evil godparent to UnNews, and I'm happy to see it lives through the herculean efforts of other gits like me... to wit, yourself. I delare you to rock awesomely. Cheers! rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 13:13, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
You sir, have excellent taste, as well as excellent awesome. As for UnNews, think nothing of it, I'm glad to help out anywhere I can, UnNews being a particularly worthy endeavor. I think I'll be starting to do some audios for it again myself, keep the spirit alive and all that. Best of luck to you on your computer fixing and your studio stuffs. We'll all be waiting with open arms, anticipating the return of Zim. -RAHB 13:32, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

VANDAL! BAN BAN BAN! XD XD XD! LOL LOL LOL!

RAPE!!

hey...wait a minute... OfficerGerrycheeversGunTalk 01:54, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

ah HA! It was I, the masked vandal! You won't get me alive ADMINS!!   ~   MASKED VANDAL! <01:58, 1 August 2008>
Lol -RAHB 02:20, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
So, you're just sitting around refreshing waiting for the maintenance stuff to pop up? :) ~Jewriken.GIF 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
Oh dear, was I not supposed to do that? -RAHB 11:48, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
No, no, not at all - I just imagine you sitting there hitting F5 over and over and mumbling "damn, I need to huff something, damn I need to huff something". It looks so vivid because I've done the same bloody thing :) ~Jewriken.GIF 11:52, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
Hahahaha. Well, I've got other things to keep me busy. I actually just keep juggling between QVFD, Ban Patrol, Maintenance, New Pages, RC. All the normal stuff I suppose. But yes...that's essentially exactly what I'm doing. -RAHB 11:54, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
It's fun isn't it? ~Jewriken.GIF 11:55, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
Sure is :) -RAHB 11:56, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

gimme a while to fix that thing

the list of snitches, i can fix it, just give me a few minutes... i know there are some people who will like it. i just forgot how to do lists for a second, thats all...

A list of snitches isn't funny. Perhaps you'd like to flesh out a full article? Otherwise, it just looks like vanity to me. And we don't allow that here. -RAHB 21:49, 1 August 2008 (UTC)
Hmmm, perhaps on second look, it isn't vanity. I'll restore it for you, but I'm putting a maintenance tag on it. -RAHB 21:51, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

Corny!

OK, I'll stop, I'll try not to make anymore templates such as
We're sorry, We couldn't complete the article as dialed! Please get outta here, and try again!

and
This article will be eaten by Homer Simpson, I suguest you get outta here!

. I know it sounds corny.

Yeah, that would be great man. It's just we already have so many as it is, is all. Thanks. -RAHB 17:52, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

RAHB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

</namedrop> ^_^ - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 04:15, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

HOLYSHIT EZNO!!! -RAHB 04:17, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

Do Me A Favour RAHB

6 hour ban please. Need to do work today, need temptation removing.... --UU - Blah 08:13, Aug 4

Ok. Effective as of now? -RAHB 08:14, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
Yup. --UU - Blah 08:21, Aug 4
Very well. -RAHB 08:22, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

Help me with this please

I think the content of the article A candle for a sin movement was pretty good. I'm even proud of it. ;). What can I do to improve it? I am recently making a link for "Dr. Seigh Tunn" to Satan. I wantedt to add a picture of the hindenburg burning, but I'm not good at navigation in uncylco yet, so please help me out. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Chez Anthony (talk • contribs) --Chez Anthony 11:25, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

I know you're smart enough to look at my user talk, but I'm too dumb to post there, so here goes...
I'm not so sure about the picture stuff. I'm a contributor in a minor language wikipedia and I'm not as good there in navigation either. Can you post at least just one picture. just the hindenburg burning. please! i noticed the poo lit surprise writing competition notice above. I'm betting my ACFASM article for it. please! I need it posted on the mainspace as soon as possible. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Chez Anthony (talk • contribs)
So how do i post it there?--Chez Anthony 12:18, 4 August 2008 (UTC)
I meant the pee review. How do i post it there? as i've mentionted i'm not that good at navigating around. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Chez Anthony (talk • contribs)
I have posted it yesterday. But I don't see it there now. why?

Do me a solid, RAHB

Delete Dr. Skullthumper for 6 hours: He needs a time out after all the banning he's done. ...? I'm bored!   CAKE J! <20:38, 04 Aug 2008>

Hmmm. I dunno about six hours...how about the expiry time of....A TURNIP! -RAHB 21:37, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 31st, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

July 31st, 2008 • Lucky Thirteenth Issue • Now with 20% more ninjas!

The biggest little whorehouse on the internet

By Gerrycheevers

Oftentimes, Uncyclopedians choose to create something on their userpages, safe from the prying eyes and hungry 'delete' buttons of admins. These entities can range from the ridiculously complex to the awesomely cartoonish. The newest user creation on this silly wiki is that of a charming gentle-bot by the name of MrN9000. At 'The Whorehouse', writers can bathe in the attention they so desperately seek. A sort of hands-on Pee Review, the Whorehouse encourages other users to edit, trim, improve, rub up against, and generally increase the quality of the articles of others. Authors suffering from mental blocks (or physical blocks) can turn to this dimly lit establishment for inspiration.

While considered a 'smashing' idea by some, the brothel has drawn its share of criticism. It may have even caused a site-wide questioning of the rules of VFH, guidelines of Pee Review, and the vailidity of the Committee That Selects Zombiebaron's Daily Banstick. The main concern seems to be articles getting 'mucked up' by having too many contributors. Opponents to this opinion have pointed out that this is a wiki, and, in theory, an infinite number of contributors contributing to an infinite number of articles for an infinite amount of time were eventually destined to create the Whorehouse, anyway. Some users, such as Ljlego, have taken advantage of the open space to hold some sort of charity-scamming orgy. Whatever the destiny of the Whorehouse, it is sure to catch every Uncyclopedian's attention for at the least five minutes immediately following the reading of this article.


Virus exposes user vulnerability to death

By Regret Tenenbaum

Yes, it's true. Death is inevitable for all users who have logged in recently. Apparently, a rouge admin created a computer virus so potent you actually contract testicular cancer. Real cancer. Like, In real life. Seriously. And how does one contract the virus? Users are warned that that the simple act of logging in to Uncyclopedia will cause one to contract the fatal disease. "Yes, I know cancer isn't a disease nor a virus" said one doctor "but still, it sucks. I mean - it's cancer - IN YOUR BALLS. Come on." So how exactly does on know when they have cancer? Symptoms may include one or more of the following:

  • a lump in one testis or a hardening of one of the testicles
  • The testicle should normally feel smooth to the touch. Ridges may be felt because of enlarged blood vessels or tumor growth. Additionally the entire testicle may feel hard and bumpy to the touch.
  • Abnormal sensitivity (either numbness or pain)
  • loss of sexual activity
  • sexual withdrawal
  • build-up of fluid in the scrotum
  • a dull ache in the lower abdomen or groin
  • an increase, or significant decrease, in the size of one testis
  • blood in semen
  • General weak and tired feeling
  • The testicle with a tumor may be severely enlarged, as much as 3 times the original size. Simultaneously the other testicle may be shrunken in size, due to the tumor taking up the majority of the blood supply to the scrotum.
  • Other nasty stuff.

Make sure to constantly check your testicles by feeling them for irregularities with your fingers. ... That's right. ... Just feel 'em up ... nice ... Ahem! Uh... Simple vigilance is a big help. The best time to check is after a hot shower, when the scrotum is looser. And what of the female users? No, not even the three of them are safe. It has been proven that even female users can contract testicular cancer. How, you ask? Well, by a miracle of God, the female will grow testicles, that will then become "cancerfied" (or "cancer-ific", if you prefer.)

The only users who are safe from this horrible plague are IP addresses, as they lack testes and the ability to grow any.

Remember kids, no matter how much Dr. Health, Esq. tells you cancer is great, don't believe him.

Oh? ... What's that? ... I said something about dying? ... Oh. ... Well, if one of your testicles was three times bigger than the other and your semen was filled with blood, would you not kill yourself? That's right...

Check out these pages!
From our logs:
  • 21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.)
  • 17:24, 24 July 2008 Sannse (Talk | contribs) (blocked SIR TOM CRUISE! with an expiry time of 3 months (no dear, Baha'i is the Truth, or Judaism, I can never remember)
  • 02:34, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 4096.256.16.1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Dammit, stop being a sockpuppet!)
  • 14:41, 28 July 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) unblocked