User:Ratter
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Ratter is a crazy man who lives in the room at the top of The Dark Tower. He can transform into Satan, and owns multiple ducks. He once fluke mahs'd a n00b w teh nadey (lololololol). And he hates cheese.
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The Origins of Ratter
Ratter was born in the year of 2008, and is rumoured to have discovered the secrets of eternal youth. No-one has any ideas relating to the circumstances of his birth -- some say he was spawned by Satan himself, others say he re-spawned after being pwned by God. However he came to be, Ratter is truth. That is to say, he is the physical embodiment of all information that is completely correct. Therefore, you should not doubt anything written on this page.
After his creation, Ratter wandered the freezing wastes of Antarctica. How he got there, no-one knows -- what is known, however, is the means of his eventual escape.
Journey to Australia
At the age of seven (he was already fully grown, and would remain that way forever), Ratter became bored with laughing at the multiple South Poles. He lashed together a raft made of penguins, and set sail.
After a long journey, during which he ate all the penguins, Ratter arrived at the shores of a strange continent. It was here that he encountered the man whom he would call his father: Anal Smitherson. Anal Smitherson was a beardy old man, and had a terrible speech impediment, which limited his vocabulary to the single word, G'DAY!!!.
Arrival in Otford
After much travelling with Anal Smitherson, and much waving of barbeque scrapers, Ratter eventually settled in a ditch, which he named Otford. This location was unique in that it was equidistant from all points in the universe. The key word there is equidistant; Otford is exactly 
miles from anywhere, where n is the radius of the universe, with Otford at the center. Or, rather, the distance between the singularity that contains the rest of the universe, and Otford, which is smeared around it on the inside surfaces of a four-dimensional sphere.
Otford consists of a hole in the ground. Within it is a box, in which Ratter once lived. Next to this box, he keeps three ducks. They serve as sentries, alerting him whenever anyone enters his infernal domain. Trickling through this magical land is a trickle of Pepsi, spewing forth from an eternal discarded can.
A few years ago, Ratter got bored with Otford and built a three-hundred-foot-tall tower out of the garbage that Otford is normally buried in. He calls it The Dark Tower, and he lives in its highest room. His friend Jamie P. Henford sleeps on the roof, occasionally attempting to pole-dance on the two steel pylons that jut out of the garbage. Little does this pole-dancing maniac realize that those poles channel the entire positive energy of the Multiverse, and he is, in effect, rubbing his genitals upon the buttocks of Creation itself, much like a dirty old pedophile at a party full of young ladies.
Relationship with the Beast
Ratter has a switch beneath his right eye which, when struck, causes him to become Satan for several minutes. When this happens, his eyes glow with a blazing crimson light, and he vows to kill anyone he stumbles upon in his rage. This has happened twice in recorded history. The first time, there were no survivors. The second time, it was discovered that another, similar switch was located on Ratter's upper lip. When struck, it causes Ratter to imitate that guy from Dawn of the Dead. You know, the guy from the cover of the DVD, with the demon eyes. He scares us all.
Ratter also laughed at Cthulhu, calling him a "lover of tentacle rape porn". It is believed by many Ratterologists that this remark triggered the chain of events that caused the Great War.
Ratter's Contributions to Uncyclopedia
Ratter has made numerous contributions to the Sandbox, often inserting his entire User page there (in very small letters, and in white text). He also advertises Uncyclopedia in the Wikipedia sandbox. Ratter plans to actually write an article on Uncyclopedia, but most experts doubt that this will ever occur. If it does, the Bible states that the world will end.
Things Ratter May or May Not Have Said At Some Point
“THE BEAST WITHIIINNNN!!!!!!!!”
~ Ratter on Ratter
“I'm fairly sure that "sex" cannot be used as a verb.”
~ Ratter on sex
Ratter is also known be the inventor of The Ultimate Profanity.
“The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no-- AAH JESUS THE ROOF IS ON FIRE!”
~ Ratter on the roof
“I'll let your warn level go down now. But remember, AN ANTI-GAYNESS MISSILE IS POINTED AT YOU. If anyone dares to protest, I shall shoot them with the Communism Gun, or possibly an anti-bitchiness missile.”
~ Ratter on warning a user on some forum or other 'cos Ratter is a global mod, that's right foo
“Let's summon the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and steal their horses.”
~ Ratter on boredom
“Let's sit on the Crimson King's lap and tell him what we want for Christmas.”
~ Ratter on boredom
“DROOO!”
~ Ratter on smackadoodoo
(the room at the top of the Tower is empty)
