User:Shandon/John Deere:American Haunting

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

Agree with me: there is something sinister about tractors moving at night.


It was the winter of 1993. That made it even worse. Whenever do you see tractors in the winter? Sure, I can hear Convoy playing in the background. The father and the son were offloading the tractors from a couple semis and hiding them in a barn for later black market sale. Now I'm not going to tell you that the father and the son had had an incestious relationship for years whenever the dad had weekend custody--that would be bullshit. No way. They just did normal things like hang out and drink beer and steal heavy equipment. Regular-guy stuff. So don't get on their case.


The trouble began shortly afterwards. They got a couple of estate farmers interested in the opportunity, and those John Deeres sold for a nice healthy profit. That's the American Way. But then, at night and only in those precious shivvery little minutes after midnight, the tractor would come. The father and the son, they'd be sitting in their 20-year-old easychairs, reclining and aimlessly drinking beer, and from outside, there'd come the light. Then the noise. A hundred and twenty-five horsepower. Almost fourteen thousand pounds. A rumble and a front end loader like a battletank. But it was a ghost. A ghost John Deere 7700. It appeared on the ridgeline above where their trailer was parked in the outskirts of town, then descended and made a pass. That was just for show.

Personal tools
projects