User:The Woodburninator/Archive1
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
[edit] Welcome!
Hello, The Woodburninator, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:
- Beginner's Guide
- Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
- How to be funny and not just stupid
If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:
- About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
- How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
- Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (
) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.
At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:The Woodburninator/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.
If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply put {{adoptme}} on your Userpage to join. Again, welcome! -- Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally CUN GotA 01:52, 11 June 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Join The CMC! Make Your Inner Cow Happy!
These are the questions that drive the Cow Moo Cult and its brethren, who are very, VERY interested in cows and cow by-products.
The CMC is devoted not only to cows, but to helping Uncyclopedia through general acts of goodness and through motivating people with cow-treats and the like.
So, The Woodburninator, why not join the CMC? It's free (unless you count virginity as money) and it's fun (and it's full of clichés)! You'll get a pretty template for your userpage and a nice title for your signature! What could be better? Sign Up Now!
- Double moos from your cowy friend,
Berry
- Double moos from your cowy friend,
[edit] Erm, hem, haw
Hi there. I'm flattered that you think I'm as funny as I think I am. At the moment, I am a tiny bit inactive due to major outside issues, but they should be resolved within the next few days. Consider yourself adopted.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN [talk] 21:44, 16 June 2008 (UTC)
[edit] UnBooks:A Story, About a Man, that Comes to an Eventual Conclusion
This article rocked my socks. <23:20, 16 Jun 2008>
- Mine to. Just some friendly advice for ya though Wood... Don't be too excited about getting the votes and stuff, or at least, try not to show it if you can. There is no need to thank everyone who votes for ya n'all... In the words of The Fonz... "Be Cool". Just take Cajek as an example... Actually, forget that! DO NOT TAKE CAJEK AS AN EXAMPLE... Ya know what I'm saying I'm sure... ;) have fun. MrN
20:45, Jun 20
[edit] Re:Thanks
No problem. You're a terrific writer, please stick around. Talk to TheLedBalloon about being adopted and getting a pretty signature if you haven't asked or been asked yet. --Grand General Wizard Etc x2 and Senator G/K/O/CUNT.K.F. WHORE! ZOTM MAFE VANDL UOTM WOTM TOP10 FP PMOTM UWotM 00:11, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
[edit] No, thank YOU
...for donating high quality stuffs to Uncyclopedia! I hope you're enjoying the glow that surrounds you right now, young man. Keep it up! <0:18, 21 Jun 2008>
[edit] Siggy sig sig
Bam: new signature here at User:The Woodburninator/sig.
- Go to Special:Preferences.
- In the signature section, put this in: {{SUBST:nosubst|User:The Woodburninator/sig}}
- Check the raw signature box right there.
- You're all set, buddy!
- Me gusta. That's quite good. I just can't figure out how to time stamp it. I'm guessing you do. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk)
- You need to do four tildes, still. ~~~~ will add both your sig and the timestamp. Five tildes adds just the timestamp, three tildes is just the sig. <16:23, 21 Jun 2008>
- Awesome. How many times can one guy be a champion? You're trying to set some sort of record here. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 16:27, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
- You need to do four tildes, still. ~~~~ will add both your sig and the timestamp. Five tildes adds just the timestamp, three tildes is just the sig. <16:23, 21 Jun 2008>
[edit] VFD
Hea, I was hoping you would get away with exceeding the VFD limit. ;) In my experience most of our "rules" are really there in-case they are needed. As it was obviously a genuine error, and well... You are cool, Cs took pity on ya. ;) Just one thing to remember though... If you make any more VFD nominations, make sure that you put the {{VFD}} tag onto the article in question. I did it for you this time, but if people forget it can mean that the nomination becomes invalid. Seriously, you should read that deletion policy thing if you have not already... Rules, rules, rules, eh? Anyone would think this was Wikipedia! Na, no chance. MrN 
18:04, Jun 21
- Unfortunately, I had read the deletion policy. Multiple times actually. I just suck. Hahaha. I'll just chalk it up to it being late, and me being tired. It really should also have gone under 'QVFD' anyway. Obvious Vanity, among other things. Like I said, I'll figure this crap out as I go. But I fully expect to make some mistakes on the way. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 19:29, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
- Oh, and I didn't feel like making another talk page, so I'll just ask you here. I noticed you are most likely British. I just saw Constitution of England and thought it was an unfunny stub, but then again perhaps it's hilariously British. Could you take a look? The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 19:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
- Hmm, regarding the vanity and QVFD thing... QVFD is really for articles which are very new. Less than a week old. You did the right thing in putting it onto VFD. QVFD was not the place. Regarding that Constitution of England of England article... I'm not sure about that one. I would not say it's total rubbish myself. There are a few ideas in there, and I myself just might vote keep if it were put up on VFD. I tend to vote keep a bit more than most people, so that does not mean it would not get deleted as it's not great. What a lot of users do is make a subpage in their user space where they keep a list of poor articles which they are keeping an eye on. If you intend on using VFD a fair bit, its a good idea to do that. When VFD gets low, you can pop on the ones which you think are most likely to be deleted. Just make sure you check the pages history, the talk page, and also hit the "what links here" button. You might find that the page has be vandalised in the past, and there is a better version in the history which you can revert to, and also it might have been put onto VFD before. In which case it's a good idea to check the previous vote before nominating again... Don't get too stuck on VFD though! You keep writing those funny articles, or ya will end up an old VFD whiner like me! MrN 09:13, Jun 22
- Thanks. That helps clear things up a bit. Yeah, I usually do check to see when they were created, and if there have been any recent edits before I even think about VFDing them. And don't worry about the articles. I plan on being a writer mostly here, but when I see crap, I got no problem letting everyone know its crap. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 16:34, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
- Hmm, regarding the vanity and QVFD thing... QVFD is really for articles which are very new. Less than a week old. You did the right thing in putting it onto VFD. QVFD was not the place. Regarding that Constitution of England of England article... I'm not sure about that one. I would not say it's total rubbish myself. There are a few ideas in there, and I myself just might vote keep if it were put up on VFD. I tend to vote keep a bit more than most people, so that does not mean it would not get deleted as it's not great. What a lot of users do is make a subpage in their user space where they keep a list of poor articles which they are keeping an eye on. If you intend on using VFD a fair bit, its a good idea to do that. When VFD gets low, you can pop on the ones which you think are most likely to be deleted. Just make sure you check the pages history, the talk page, and also hit the "what links here" button. You might find that the page has be vandalised in the past, and there is a better version in the history which you can revert to, and also it might have been put onto VFD before. In which case it's a good idea to check the previous vote before nominating again... Don't get too stuck on VFD though! You keep writing those funny articles, or ya will end up an old VFD whiner like me! MrN
- Oh, and I didn't feel like making another talk page, so I'll just ask you here. I noticed you are most likely British. I just saw Constitution of England and thought it was an unfunny stub, but then again perhaps it's hilariously British. Could you take a look? The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 19:45, 21 June 2008 (UTC)
[edit] UnNews:Peacock
WB, feel free to edit/review my latest creation, i'm really looking for opinions on this one to see how much rust i have to shake off. -- 18:10, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
- Haha, I'm actually in the process as we speak. I should have it back to you in a little bit. Hopefully by the end of the hour, if not sooner. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 18:32, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
- Done The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 19:08, 22 June 2008 (UTC)
[edit] VFH Thing
Yeah, posting here instead of on the vote page so as not to make it all huge and stuff. Anyway, let me know when you're happy with the article and I promise to have another look and appraise it afresh. Happy to change my vote if it improves! --UU - Blah 
21:25, Jun 23
- Heh. You and me both. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 21:26, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
[edit] woooooOoOoOooOoOo
Hi! You don't know me and I don't know you... actually I've been stalking you but let's let that slide... how you liking Uncyc so far? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 
14:49, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
- Who, me? Oh, Uncyc is fine... I guess... <14:51, 26 Jun 2008>
- I have stalkers!?!?!? h00ray! Its been pretty cool. I'm just trying to be funny, and help out around here. I've been enjoying writing, but this weird guy seems to following me everywhere...Answering my messages before I do...what's his name again? Cojek, Kayjook? Eh, whatever... I'm sure he's not important. But now I have another stalker? Hmmmm...I may have to bring out my attack dog soon. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 15:06, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
- Who the hell are you? I'm stalking the Woadbuninatore. Stalking is a good career choice, went professional last week, office party and everything. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent
12:24, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
- Yes, not a problem. I've been accidentally stalked before. I remember back in '97, I got constant stalkers looking for The Choadburninator. Really have to laugh about it... although, I'm a little upset I'm not as popular as I thought I was. Could you maybe talk to some of the stalkers in your office for me? Tell them I'm a pretty good guy, I'll even change my clothes with the blinds up if they want. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 12:31, 27 June 2008 (UTC)
- Who the hell are you? I'm stalking the Woadbuninatore. Stalking is a good career choice, went professional last week, office party and everything. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent
- I have stalkers!?!?!? h00ray! Its been pretty cool. I'm just trying to be funny, and help out around here. I've been enjoying writing, but this weird guy seems to following me everywhere...Answering my messages before I do...what's his name again? Cojek, Kayjook? Eh, whatever... I'm sure he's not important. But now I have another stalker? Hmmmm...I may have to bring out my attack dog soon. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 15:06, 26 June 2008 (UTC)
[edit] UnNews:Man fired from substitute teacher job for having 'Girlie Parts'
Hey, thanks for peeing on my article. I read over what you have said and have changed my article accordingly. It would be awesome if you could just quickly check it over for prose, and formatting errors, and tell me if there is anything I could improve on. I don't really want to put it back in the Pee Review section, because I have no idea how long it will take for someone to review it. Thanks in advance ----Mgr. Sir Sonic80☭ 02:13, 28 June 2008 (UTC)
Oh, and P.S. I found a picture on google of the actual substitute teacher from the youtube video that was put up.
[edit] Thanks for Voting!!
...for voting on HowTo:Get Around In A Fighting Tournament.
Victoly for you!! - User:Hanyouman
Now to haunt this with others I can remember voting! Muwahahahahaaaa! Hanyouman 14:50, 30 June 2008 (UTC)
[edit] You freakin' rock.
Gratz on the NotM and all. Cheers. sir
sysrq @ 18:26 Jul 1
- Right thanks. And thanks for the nom again. Happy to help around here. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 14:33, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Like the above header but different
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Hey, The Woodburninator. Steven would just like to thank you for the vote on his article relating to Insomnia. He really would but right now he's sleeping.
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Yeah, seriously thanks. Oh and grats on the NotM, I'd forgotten to check who won that. Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir 08:41 6 July 2008
[edit] Woaaaah, far out!
-RAHB 23:07, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Giambi's mustache
really? I thought it wasn't one of my better articles. ----Mgr. Sir Sonic80☭ 02:16, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
- I just like the subject matter. I've been talking with my friends about the mustache for a week or two now. It didn't matter if the article was crap, I was going to love it anyway. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 02:18, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
- Oh, I see, so you probably haven't read the article yet? ----Mgr. Sir Sonic80☭ 02:19, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
- I did. I thought it was funny. Whether or not anyone else will, I can't say. Like I said, the subject matter was awesome for me, so I was going to laugh. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 02:21, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
- Oh, I see, so you probably haven't read the article yet? ----Mgr. Sir Sonic80☭ 02:19, 8 July 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Thanks!
For your Pee Review of Schindler's Listcruft. You made some good suggestions! I'll be incorporating them in before too long. Cheers! --Hyperbole 20:12, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
- No problem. Happy to help you, but in all honesty, you didn't need much help there. Good luck with it. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 20:14, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost: Jewlie 3rd/10th, 2008
May contain traces of humor!
July 10th, 2008 • Tenth Issue Spectacular!
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Uncyclopedia running out of interesting stuff, UnSignpost starts up shitty telethon!  Look at you, sitting there all high and mighty with your Chuck Norris facts and Oscar Wilde quotes, well during this season of laziness and sitting round jacking off, please donate the gift of humor (or humour, we bend that way to no matter how much we are chased out of church) to a poor Uncyclopedian run newspaper near you. Take this poor little article for example; Canadian Tire Money or Canny as no-one calls him, just 8 minutes old and he is already roaming the streets. Illiterate and doing incoherency, long lines of lists and e before i (especially after c), it is only a matter of time before he turns to gay jokes to fund his addictions. Please help this little article achieve its potential as an Injoke by donating the gift of laughter, stupidity... or even just simple bad taste. Successes
There's more you can do... Call you're nearest admin and start a discussion about just how much humor you can donate (read: swearing and shock-porn), or start the 2717231278th forum topic concerning how we all must strive to remove the scourge of shitty articles. In the immortally misattributed words of our founding fathers, stillwaters and Chronarion "Fuck were we high" er... or words of respected member TheLedBalloon "Also, in the ass or the mouth?" oh dear... or even words of Please help Save Cats from Degrading Captions- wait... - Save the Porn onto my Hard-drive- uh... I remember! Save UnSignpost from falling into a pit of lame memes and boring articles, here is a parting word from a little one in need of YOUR help. Ry4N IS TEh GH3Y n00b whO SUX b4lls!!1 ~ Ryan kella Makes you think don't it? We will be taking your calls now. Or now. Not now. Ok, now. Modusoperandi OP'ed!?
This past month of June, the Uncyclopedia community got its first chance at VFS since February, and one new op was decided upon. While there were many great and very capable candidates, one in particular got the most attention and the most votes. Modusoperandi. This long time Uncyclopedian has been to VFS almost every time it gets opened as far as we can trace, and always misses it in the final round by a slim number of votes. However, this month turned out to be a winner for him, so congratulations Modus. MO likes to spend his time writing things and 'chopping some images, but also finds time to goof off in the forums, and relieve the everyday pressure of his fellow colleagues with his off topic sense of humor, which he rarely hides. Modus has a total of 19.5 featured articles as well as 10 featured images. We at UnSignpost congratulate Modus on his winnings, and are willing to put $10 on him becoming the next STM. UnSignpost Takes A Wikibreak
Yeah, the UnSignpost, the newspaper that Uncyclopedia would totally fall apart without, took a wikibreak last week. They seem to be fashionable, so we thought we'd find out what they were all about. They seem to involve time spent not hunched over a keyboard in a darkened room. The UnSignpost reminds you that such activities are hazardous to your health, and should be avoided at all costs. (Note: this is absolutely true - in no way did the UnSignpost just miss a week because no-one could be bothered to edit it, or anything) |
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[edit] QVFD
If you put a redirect on QVFD, put the actual address, rather than the wiki link (http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=UnNews:Jesse_Jackson_Endorses_McCain%3B_Obama%27s_Lead_Skyrockets&redirect=no instead of [[UnNews:Jesse Jackson Endorses McCain; Obama's Lead Skyrockets]]). This will minimize the risk of the page itself getting huffed, rather than just the redirect (as the wikified link actually leads to the new location, with a little "redirected from...", instead of the old location). Just to be safe, I deleted the new page, too. I hope you don't mind. I only use my powers for evil. Sir Modusoperandi 04:49, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
- Nice. Oh well, it wasn't very good anyway. Thanks for the heads up. Will do. (And good to see our new Sysops aren't using their newfound powers all willy-nilly) The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 04:52, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
- Pbbt! Back in my day, we didn't have no "willy-nilly"! We were lucky to just have nilly! Sir Modusoperandi 04:55, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
- Well here in my day I, at least have a willy, and I will use it as I so well please. Now get over here, and take it like a man. No crying. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 05:00, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
- Hey! This isn't college/prison/summer camp! Sir Modusoperandi 05:06, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
- What!? Where am I? Oh God... This isn't my college's yearly summer camp at the local prison. Oh no! What have I done!? The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 05:18, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
- Hey! This isn't college/prison/summer camp! Sir Modusoperandi 05:06, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
- Well here in my day I, at least have a willy, and I will use it as I so well please. Now get over here, and take it like a man. No crying. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 05:00, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
- Pbbt! Back in my day, we didn't have no "willy-nilly"! We were lucky to just have nilly! Sir Modusoperandi 04:55, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Boobs?
Well, I'm not MrN9000, but I'll be your huckleberry. Enjoy and sign the guestbook. -OptyC Sucks! 
cun21:01, 16 Jul
- Hahaha....Right. Well, I was joking about MrN's boobs, but thanks anyway. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 21:29, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Comments regarding UN:REQ cleanup
First of all, I would like to plead guilty to some of the crappy entries that were in the "Computers" section. I admit that my satirical skills are not that great, so I am not really as qualified to request articles as I might think.
One specific note: When you get to the "Music games" subsection of the video games section, please don't remove the entries where I linked to a draft page in my userspace; I am still working on those, even though my progress may not be obvious. Other userspace drafts mentioned elsewhere in UN:REQ may or may not be actively maintained.
I just have to wonder whether UN:REQ needs a fundamental reorganization rather than just a cleanup. On the talk page, I attempted to start a proposal for reorganization which was meant to work as follows:
- Subpages for the actual requests, sorted by topic
- Subpages for discussing potential article content, in order to solicit ideas and determine whether a potential request is viable (this is the key element I feel is missing from the current UN:REQ process; such discussion doesn't seem to fit on user talk pages or the Village Dump)
- A top-level page which provides instructions
I am going to let you proceed with the cleanup before I reorganize anything. Any ideas of your own about reorganizing UN:REQ are welcomed. --Pentium5dot1|t~^_^~c 07:18, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
- I would have to agree with you that it probably does need a reorganization, and I've been thinking of a few things to help that. I de believe that the clean up should come first, so that if we do reorganize, it will be easier for everyone. Like I said on the page, if I deleted what you did, and you think it should still be there, please let me know. I'll do my best to re-add it. When it comes to pages that are linked and done, I'm mainly following the guidelines at the top. If its good, I'm getting rid of it, as it has served its purpose. If its a stub, or bad, I'm tagging it with a rewrite, and if it's obviously not completed, and in a userspace, I'm keeping it there. If you do want to talk about this anymore though, just leave comments on the discussion page, or ideas you have. I'll be happy to get any help I can in cleaning that place up. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 14:09, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
- Hea, You know I totally think this is a good idea of yours, but maybe you need to be a little bit careful. I noticed that you removed Alec Baldwin. I would say that well known people like him should be in the list. I would limit it to removing the really random stuff first, rather than chopping out stuff which someone could actually want to write. MrN 19:57, Jul 17
- I have done no such thing sir. Alec Baldwin shall never be deleted! I am, however, alphabetising everything, so I could see where you would think that if you just looked at the history. He is actually now at the top of the list. The alphabetising should make things easier to find for the future. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 20:01, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
- Dam you are just toooooo good. I thought I would take a look at what you were doing, and obviously did not look things over enough. This job has been needing to be done for a while now, and it's great that someone who really knows what they are doing is doing it. :) MrN 20:16, Jul 17
- Well thank you, MrN! Although I don't know why you're thanking me: I haven't done anything useful since January. <20:17, 17 Jul 2008>
- Cajek: sux my balls. Wood: do not suck Cajek's balls. MrN 20:20, Jul 17
- I'll go for the titties. And you think I know what I'm doing!? Cajek, I've got 'im fooled!!! The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 20:22, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
- Cajek: sux my balls. Wood: do not suck Cajek's balls. MrN
- Well thank you, MrN! Although I don't know why you're thanking me: I haven't done anything useful since January. <20:17, 17 Jul 2008>
- Dam you are just toooooo good. I thought I would take a look at what you were doing, and obviously did not look things over enough. This job has been needing to be done for a while now, and it's great that someone who really knows what they are doing is doing it. :) MrN
- I have done no such thing sir. Alec Baldwin shall never be deleted! I am, however, alphabetising everything, so I could see where you would think that if you just looked at the history. He is actually now at the top of the list. The alphabetising should make things easier to find for the future. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 20:01, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
- Hea, You know I totally think this is a good idea of yours, but maybe you need to be a little bit careful. I noticed that you removed Alec Baldwin. I would say that well known people like him should be in the list. I would limit it to removing the really random stuff first, rather than chopping out stuff which someone could actually want to write. MrN
[edit] Oh well!
Three days... Still, it was a better edit than many of the previous ones. Atleast now we can remove the total crap saying that it does not fit with the rest... MrN 15:27, Jul 17
- Yeah. I feel better about that article. I am not a huge futbol fan, so I don't know too much about the guy. At least now when I undo edits I don't feel like I'm removing a grain of sand from the damn desert. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 15:34, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
July 17th, 2008 • Eleventh Issue • Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
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It's The Poo Lit. Surprised?
Uncyclopedia's twice annual writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise starts this week. In typical Uncyclopedia style, it seems to have come as a surprise to many, not least EMC, who was supposed to be running it, but who has disappeared without trace. Horrified by what was happening to their beloved and prestigious competition, the Uncyclopedia community rushed into action as soon as it noticed (a day or so late), and promptly agreed someone needed to do something. This was followed by some of the community running around in small circles, flapping their hands wildly and panicking a bit, before cuddly authority figure Zombiebaron decisively stepped in and selflessly told Dr. Skullthumper to sort it out and get the fuck on with it. At the time of going to press, both Skullthumper and Zombiebaron may have been available for comment for all we know, but we couldn't be bothered to ask them. VFS: The Race Hots Up For The Second Month Running
In an unprecedented turn of events, and due to namby-pamby unclear rules that have since been firmed up and given a healthy gay colour makeover, Uncyclopedia is voting for further candidates to be admitted to the non-existent cabal. The race is turning out to be quite a close one between several of the frontrunners, so the ever-impartial UnSignpost (founded by Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper) brings you pen pics of the current favourites.
Who will win? All may be reported in future editions of the UnSignpost. If we remember. And if we can be bothered. |
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[edit] UnSignpost: July 24th, 2008
Just like Grandma used to make!
July 24th, 2008 • Twelfth Issue • Now On Time?
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Count to a million This week Uncyclopedians continued on their quixotic attempt to "count to a million." Started by Uncyclopedia Wiki-master and Chamber of Commerce Secretary Spang in early March of this year, the project seeks to eventually reach the number one million (1,000,000) through the ancient art of counting. Any person who is capable of taking a number, adding one to it, and expressing the result has been invited to join the massive undertaking, which has seen dozens of contributors come and go. As is always the case here at Uncyc, the project has spawned controversy, criticism, and a spin-off starring Tony Shalhoub as Olipro. The forum is an unprecedented pool of knowledge. As each number is reached, it is discussed in-depth by several Uncyclopedians. Insights such as "114 That's my age + 100 lololol" and "616 fucks fucking fucker's shitty crap" are a testament to the intellecually stimulating conversation that occurs each day. Oftentimes, relevant images are posted; the variety of these pictures can be seen by looking here, here, here, and here. However, not everyone is so optimistic about the project. Some have expressed concern that the entire thing has some kind of sinister purpose. When asked for a comment on the harmless-appearing but diabolically-undertoned project, TheLedBalloon said, "although the project appears harmless, there are definitely diabolical undertones." Another anonymous user stated, "that forum is most surely not pants." Spang himself has expressed his desire to leave behind a legacy, but he has also left open the possibility that "the entire thing is just an urban myth, and doesn't really exist." Regardless of its true meaning or intentions, Uncyclopedians continue to trudge on in their epic quest, reaching 0.075% of their goal this Monday. Editors come and go, the pace quickens and slackens, but someone is always there to figure out the next number in the sequence. At its current rate, the project will reach one million on August 19th, 2526. Until that glorious day, Uncyclopedians can only dream... Cheevers Fires Back! After some light-hearted slights in last week's issue, Gerry Cheevers - Uncyclopedia's resident headcase and #2 hockey authority - has taken exception with the editors of this fine periodical. An ugly scene erupted in the USP press room after Gerry barged in, demanding some sort of justice. Luckily, some quick thinking by our tea-boy and current stand-in editor caused Mr. Cheevers to be distracted by a shiny object long enough to avoid any damage to our delicate newspapering equipment. After it was pointed out that he had in fact come and gone from Uncyclopedia like some sort of cow that grazes on witty satire and coherent parody, Gerry calmed down enough give a brief interview and let some of our junior reporters scratch him behind the ears. When asked about the reasons for his return, Gerry cited many things. Prominent among them were a desire to have humor play a larger role in his life once again, the thrill of writing articles, the subsequent crushing defeat after said articles have been hacked to pieces mercilessly, and his heterosexual man-crush on Mhaille. The one-time WotM nominee fell on hard times in mid-March, and went on sabbatical when his computer decided that it was not long for this world and took its own life. After that, Gerry resorted to breaking into libraries after-hours to cast VFH votes on city-owned, porn-riddled, abysmally slow dial-up computers. Luckily he landed a job in late May and has spent a majority of his time at said job slacking off and editing Uncyclopedia. Mr. Cheevers looks forward to getting back to what he is known for: mediocre writing, scathing Pee Reviews, and keeping Manforman locked up in the Uncyc dungeons. Several prominent Uncyclopedians share his optimism for a permanent return, including noted reviewing robot MrN9000, who stated that he was "willing to bet everything Cajek owns to that effect," and heavy zeppelin Don Leddy, who expressed his delight at seeing Gerry, exclaiming "gimme back my twenty dollars!" |
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