User:Vosnul/Bill & Melinda Foundation

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[edit] Campain Africa

[edit] Computers for Africa.

In 1997 Bill envisioned an Africa where every Tootsie and Zulu would run Windows 98 peacefully enjoying it's new and improved web-experience via Broadband. This vision resulted in one of the biggest projects ever to have been undertaken by a charity foundation. Every African who could proof there poverty by providing evidence of ownership of items they didn't own could get a windows 98 running computer for the sweet price of $499 dollars and $150 of course for the license. Strangely enough this effort by Bill and Melinda did not take of as expected. After spending $4.2 Million on research on why the project was not meeting it's goals of 1000 poor bastards with a computer a day they came to a conclusion on why this charity scheme was failing.

As bill gates put it, The ungrateful poor people of Africa don't seem to have craving for dirt-cheap computers because they seem to be consumed by a craving for food.

So a $4.2 million dollar research project running for 2 years yielded the following result.

• People who are very poor and hungry will not spend money they do not have on a computer
• The poor people are consumed by hunger
• The poor people of Africa seem great consumers
• ...
• Profit.

It was all so very clear to bill and Melinda now. The very same day this report came out Bill had a brainstorm session will the managers of the foundation to come up with a proper solution. In a flurry of brilliant money spending activity bill ordered his crack-team of researchers to come up with edible computers.

[edit] Fight decease

[edit] Solve Poverty 2.0

In 2003 his Holiness the Dalai Lama Tanzin Gayatzu Visited Seattle Washington in the USA and told Bill Melinda the following words of wisdom over a nice hot cup of yakbuttertea.

• Poverty is not the lack of money or food, it is the inability to generate these items. Such is the solving of poverty that the answer lies not in handing out money or food but , instead, providing the means to generated these necessities.

This event got Bill gates thinking, really thinking about how causality and poverty imbalance dance around each other like to queer fairies in ballet suits with tutu's , ever twirling and spinning like tomorrow would never come, without a care or worry in the world and thus creating the unfair chaotic world of extremes we live in . How economic flows and structures had to be altered in order to really divide Mother earth riches amongst all of here children that live upon her.

Well actually he did not really think that, or if he did he forgot about it later. But the tea-drinking session with the Dalai Lama did spawn 2 thought in his brain the first of which was :

• Why am I drinking this warm flavorless buttery water, this goop ? I'm the richest man in the world, I should not be drinking this vile Asian poison if I don't want to

[edit] Windows Nigerian Terrorists 2000

In August 2000 The Nigerian village Ahubanda Ul'Urhu recieved 16 secondhand refurbished computers for the school from a rival charity orginasation FOR FREE!!!. And to make things worst the school claimed that there was no money for licensed copies of windows and the headmaster felt strongly against using pirated software, so instead the school opted for Ubuntu Linux, a free and open OS that runs pretty nice on all hardware.

Steve Ballmer himself flew to Nigeria to negotiate with the school head master and the Nigerian president and swore not to Fucking kill them if a deal was struck. But, alas, after the incredible generous gesture of cutting the price of server editions and workstation in half by enclosing a 5 year 299$ per year non-retractable license with obligation to upgrade ( twice ( a week ) ) still no compromise was made. Even after pointing out the great fuming gas and oil refinery the foundation put next door to increase the workload_per_slave per head of the population it simply came down to not being able to cough up the bucks to pay for Windows.

Steve Ballmer was heard saying

• It's not like we are asking them to sell there souls  ?

And

• What would they otherwise need the money for ? Food ? there isn't any around here.

The fact that a poor African community used a free open source ( and therefor communist ) operating system clearly had to be met with a strict zero-tolerance policy. These poor countries are infamous for being revolutionary hotbeds for communist and fundamentalist thoughts and this Linux fab is playing right up the terrorists ally.

So to resolve this matter Steve Ballmer and Bill Gates paid off a neighbouring rival tribe and the intire Ahubanda Ul'Urhu village was slaughtered and set on fire. The payoff sum remained undisclosed but inside sources claim that besides several shiny beads and mirror artifacts it also includes a Upgrade license for Windows NT4 that updates the maximum number of users to 10 at a time for the reduced license price of $1099 dollars instead of $1354, What a deal !.