User talk:Roman Dog Bird

Address Change: Return To Sender?

For those of you with your heads buried in the sand, or who choose to concentrate on writing articles, or who don't ever look at address bars, or who don't care: Uncyclopedia's domain name has been changed by evil communist oppressors Wikia.

If you are one of those people, here's a brief summary of the incident:

• Sannse tells us Wikia have decided the domain is changing. We don't get any say in the matter, but do get to suggest ideas for the new name. Lucky us. Fuck.Wikia.Com is a popular suggestion with all except Wikia. Lots of people get angry, Zombiebaron sticks his undead head in briefly, Codeine adds a Bill Hicks clip railing against the evils of advertising, lots of people sign a petition threatening something vague if the change goes ahead.
• The change goes ahead. There follows an uncoordinated response, during which some users go on strike and do nothing, some users open the wiki up to vandalism, and some users get pissed off about it.
• The UnSignpost goes on strike for a week in solidarity, and doesn't, for example, miss another week due to the laziness of editors. Oh no.
• The change is of such profound magnitude, it even brought Mooses out of self-imposed exile. Briefly. Sort of.
• The community decides an uncoordinated response isn't working, and tries to get its shit together. There are even attempts to elect a Cabal to deal with the issues. The self-defeating nature of attempting to establish an Uncyc Cabal is not lost on some.
• Skullthumper solves the problem. Sort of.

If you aren't one of those people, here's an even briefer summary:

• Shit happened. People got pissed. The world has so far failed to end.

More on this ongoing situation as we get it. Probably.

Glorious return to form for MrN!

The UnSignpost is pleased to be able to report that, after a two-month self-imposed embargo, popular poopsmith MrN9000 has made a glorious return to using underwear references in his daily conversation! The dam finally burst at 23.06 on Oct 22nd, and all those who know him could feel and share the relief, the release of that pent-up tension and the sheer untrammelled joy of their favourite user with a pair of tits in his sig.

Fellow poopsmith and genial man-about-town UU said of the momentous occasion: "you what? MrN? Oh yeah, him. Good bloke. Knows his underwear". Then he scratched his nose reflectively and wandered off.

MrN himself was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press/we couldn't be bothered to interview him (delete as you think applicable), but the UnSignpost fondly imagines he would have smiled enigmatically, raised an eyebrow quizzically, nodded appreciatively, and said "PANTS!" predictably.

The pants themselves were also unavailable for comment.

Uncyclopedian does something vaguely noteworthy in "real life"

In an unprecedented development, Uncyclopedian 15Mickey20 has made a foray into media activity outside of the internets. Mickey, Uncyc's tennis correspondent, has been seen on popular-with-students-and-pensioners UK gameshow Countdown, operating under the pseudonym "Martin".

Mickey has so far failed to live up to Uncyclopedia's proudest traditions, by actually being quite good at the game. Indeed, at the time of writing, he'd won several games, including what he modestly described as "an awesome numbers game, beating Carol". He also shamelessly mentioned his connection to the site in a recent episode, leading to quite literally no extra edits to the Countdown article - still, thanks for the plug, Mick!

Having spent time in the company of such notable international icons as Des O'Connor (no, we don't have a page on him, so there's no link), Paul Zenon (nope, nothing on him either) and Suzy Dent (spotting a pattern here, non-UK readers?) Mickey is now Uncyclopedia's most prominent celebrity, and it's surely only a matter of time before he appears on Strictly Come Dancing or Celebrity Big Brother, and has a lurid kiss-and-tell exposé in Heat Magazine.

Various "...of the month" award candidates - November's in-depth analysis

Writer of the Month: There's a bumper crop of WotM candidates nominated this month for your voting delectation. The UnSignpost's own Gerrycheevers is the early favourite, having established a significant lead over this week's biopic star Mrmonkey72, several-time nominee SysRq, inactive-for-ages-but-funny Nydas, dark horse Knucmo2 and the multi-featured and multi-talented An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. But! There is still time, your votes can still make a difference! (Unless you've already voted, natch).

Uncyclopedian of the Month: Controversial nominees abound here, as serial ban collector Cajek goes head-to-head with Wikia corporate mouthpiece Sannse. The hyperactive one with the light blue sig is in the lead at present. But! As with certain other popular recent votes, there is a third candidate inexplicably attracting little attention - Dexter111344, a site maintenance and VFD stalwart. Who will win? Only you can decide (and all the other people who vote, obviously).

Noob of the Month: No-one. Yet. Find a noob doing something vaguely decent and nominate them please! Otherwise the UnSignpost may just have to bring back the ultimate dead horse for yet more flogging and nom Rcmurphy again.

Useless Gobshite of the Month: Kip the Dip is out on his own for this one so far. Having proved an exemplary gobshite for months on end, despite being cruelly denied the recognition of this award, the UnSignpost feels that his time is now, and is abandoning all pretence at unbiased journalism: VOTE KIP FOR UGotM!

UnSignpost Stumbles past 6 month milestone

Uncyclopedia's premier periodical, the UnSignpost, has somehow managed not to fade away and die for over 6 months, which should probably merit some kind of special edition, but meh.

In true UnSignpost fashion, the editors noticed this about 2 weeks late - the Signpost having been so gloriously conceived (and never was a word more aptly suited to this juvenile-as-all-get-out publication) by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek back in early May. The first issue rolled off the presses on May 8th, bringing you such earth-shattering news as "Rcmurphy nommed for Noob of the Month again" and "Uncyclopedia F**king Doomed", as well as establishing Signpost tradition with "Spacefiller of the week" (something about Grand Theft Auto).

The editor's office here at USP should probably have had a revolving door installed, having been occupied at various times since Cajek and Skull abandoned it by THEDUDEMAN, Gerrycheevers, Heerenveen and some other numpty - although this is small change compared to the number of delivery bots and boys that have thrust the latest issue, still warm, through your letter flaps.

Over the months, many other contributors have helped to keep the UnSignpost in its deserved position of "only weekly-ish newspaper on the wiki" - possibly by being so lame that no-one wanted to bother doing another one. And, having brought you such shattering exclusives as "Wookiepedia Too Cool For Cajek", "Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce" and "RC takes home NotM", the UnSignpost shows no sign of speeding up.

Maybe one day, the unstoppable forces of apathy will finally overcome those who still labour under the impression that people actually care about seeing block log entries and biopics arrive on their talk page weekly, and the UnSignpost will grind to a halt. But until then, it will continue to bring you all the old news you've already seen somewhere else, whether you like it or not!

UnSportsPost

By ace sportshound Enzo Aquarius.

In response to quite literally some demand, your ever-topical, finger-on-the-pulse UnSignpost brings you all the latest sports news that's unfit to print!

• NFL - Detroit Lions lost again bringing their record-breaking award-winning losing streak to 9, with their last notable points scored in the 2004 season. Lions followers are confident their team can break through once the team's brains are reverted back to Windows XP Basketball Edition. Big thumbs up and grins boys!
• NHL - Unlike their Lion brethren, the Detroit Red Wings are in the lead, as always. Then again, their conference is full of NHL expansion filler, so what can you expect? But hey, San Jose is up as well, so uh...yeah...good for them. Good for them.
• NBA - LA Lakers are up with no losses in their belt, but anybody east of LA doesn't care anyways. Uhhh....132 points scored by New York...good job guys.
• Football/Soccer - See, there are so many freaking teams and conferences that you just can't keep track of all of them. Then again, Japan beat Syria 3-1. Talk about a non-stop action high-scoring game!
• MLB - Training time, the high-gravity chamber has been set, Goku will be pitching. It's also time to bring in the young blood who will only play 1 game in the 2009 season.

Uncyc shall go to the Ball!

The seasonal tang in the air, the anticipation on the faces of Uncyclopedians everywhere... it can only mean one thing: The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball is upon us again! The popular annual celebration of all that's good about bad taste is hoping to provoke a slew of skewed satire and give those foolhardy enough to volunteer as judges a colossal headache. And a good laugh, of course.

To whet the appetite, let's take a look at some of the cream of last year's competition:

• A bunch of aristocrats fucking. Awesome vid
• Pacific War
• The Bureaucrats (Joke)
• Why?:Use a wooden condom

Yup, standards are that high, or low, depending on your point of view, sense of humour, religion, shoe size and taste in hats.

So jump to it! If you can make the judges laugh even as they vomit up their own entrails, you could be in with a chance of winning the glorious title "Aristocrat en Regalia", as well as the undying jealousy of the other entrants you so satisfyingly routed. Or you might lose.

Asked for quotes, organiser RAHB quipped "I'll probably get on it sometime tonight, if not tomorrow", while official judging type Modusoperandi added "my memoires are riddled with mind expanding shit".

{{username}} claims millionth victim

Stalking the articles, forums and userpages of Uncyclopedia like some kind of bad metaphor with legs, the notorious {{username}} template has claimed its millionth victim. The individual in question (who shall not be named because this publication is trying to write an article about {{username}} without actually using {{username}}) was innocently browsing through Uncyclopedia's debating rooms, looking in at the progress of such worthwhile literary endeavours as the incrementation project and the attention span test, when the vengeful template struck!

"It was there, in front of me, an accusation that I was teh gheyz", the hapless victim told us exclusively. "Such hard-hitting slander had to be addressed, and addressed immediately, so I clicked the edit button, and launched into a passionate and vitriolic defence of my unquestionable heterosexuality post-haste!"

Ironically, it was the length of this diatribe that finally revealed the subterfuge. "It took me some time to compose a suitable riposte, listing at length my many dalliances with members of the opposite sex, my subscription to Playboy and my utter distaste for the movie Brokeback Mountain - in fact it took so long that I was logged out from my account" said the sap. "So when I hit the preview button to behold my comeback in all its savage majesty, what should catch my eye but the <insert name here> message that betrays {{username}} abuse? I felt so embarrassed, the only logical course of action I could take was to sell my story to a newspaper with a global readership - you did say you'd pay me for this, right?"

Shortly after this point, the interview was discontinued due to a disagreement between interviewer and interviewee. Asked for a final quote, we were told "fuck {{username}}, and fuck you too!" - a comment that speaks volumes about the suffering this terrible template is capable of inflicting on the unwary.

{{username}} was unavailable for comment, and remains at large, ready to strike again.