User talk:THE
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Um....oh yeah welkome to my talk page. This is where you kan diskuss stuff abowt me. Pleeze put new stuf at the botom. and remembr to sine your messages cuz its annoying wen peeple dont. and pleez dont submit incomplete messages because that is. --THE 22:15, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
[edit] Thankies
Thank you for your Very First Person award :-)
Jacaranda 07:52, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Another Article Challenge?
You remember that thing we did last time? I did Why?:Hit yourself on the head with a baseball bat seven or eight times and you did Why?:Are there voices coming from the closet?, and we had a grand ol' time! Are you too busy to do it again? <-> Mar 27 (21:42)
- Welkum back! I could definitely do it again, but I am rather busy at the moment. What with skool, in which I have a massive assignment due next week (that I naturally am not nearly close to finishing), and of course my ever-present cow-tipping duties, I might not be able to do it for a while. I won't be around this weekend. But next week sometime I might be able to do it, and if not during the week then definitely over the weekend. I'll start thinking of a wierd title for you. I'll also start thinking about how to spell "weird" properly. --THE 22:31, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
- I haven't forgotten! <Apr 02, 2008 [13:45]>
Are you ready to go down, bi-atch? <Apr 08, 2008 [21:15]>
- You bet I am. HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant. Also, as an added challenge, you must find some way to include this image: Image:Krabs.png. What shall I write? --THE 21:18, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- Okay, your article is: HowTo:Be a Loyal Employee, lemme find an appropriate image for you... <Apr 08, 2008 [21:19]>
- Added bonus: find a use for THIS image: image:CURSES.gif
- Okay, your article is: HowTo:Be a Loyal Employee, lemme find an appropriate image for you... <Apr 08, 2008 [21:19]>
- Okay, IT'S ON!!! One hour. Good luck. --THE 21:21, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
contest ends @ 22:21, then? <Apr 08, 2008 [21:24]>
- Yep, sounds good. --THE 21:27, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- DONE! My last edit was at exactly 22:21. WHOA!!! Now I shall read your article and view the results of our second contest. I think mine is better than the one I wrote the first time. This was a good contest. --THE 22:22, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- DONE-IROO! Yes, my last edit was 22:21! This was tough, and I wonder how well I did. Your article is huge! Must see! <Apr 08, 2008 [22:24]>
- Just finished reading yours. Way cool. Eight thumbs up (two from me, six from the ant). And yeah, mine is really long, I'm kind of suprised I wrote that much. It was a good title. It inspired me. --THE 22:29, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- I wanted to give you an easier task- a more normal article to write. I like how it gets crazier as it goes on! I'll have to read it more in-depth, but from what I can see, very good! ...so who won? <Apr 08, 2008 [22:33]>
- Uhm. Perhaps we should start a forum and people can vote? Or perhaps we should just flip a coin? --THE 22:34, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- /me flips coin call it. <Apr 08, 2008 [22:35]>
- TAILS! --THE 22:37, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- We'll call it a draw. :) <Apr 08, 2008 [22:39]>
- Damn, it landed on its side, didn't it? So inconvenient! :) --THE 22:44, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Post-Game Commentary
- I thought THE's topic was a little bit on the weird side, just like how Cajek wants it. But when it came to writing... Cajek couldn't think of anything! Is that why he added the dialogue between the ants? <Apr 08, 2008 [22:40]>
- /sips a questionable beverage Yes, writer's block can be a difficult thing, especially under a time constraint. However, upon THE's reading of Cajek's article, he found the dialogue rather amusing, and didn't notice that Cajek had been unable to think of anything. THE experienced the same difficulty in thinking of ideas the first time around, with the closet article. --THE 22:44, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- /me sips the same questionable beverage, whilst wearing a smoking jacket I was interrupted twice while writing! First to take my sister to a dental appointment, and second because some religious nut was knocking on my door! <Apr 08, 2008 [22:46]>
- /me keels over in a strange convulsion, likely related to the questionable beverage Should have told the religious nut you were writing a story about sexing ants. He'd be gone in a flash. --THE 22:49, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
- /me throws up a little bit in me's mouth I had to hide from him... of course I didn't answer the door! <Apr 08, 2008 [22:51]>
:00 - :15. "Oh my god, what a crazy topic! How am I going to do this? I guess I'll write it from the perspective of an ant keeper.":15 - :30. [took sister to dental appointment]:30 - :45. "How do humans get turned on? I'll make it so that the ants can talk":45 - 1:00. "Hmmm, I want way more ant-talk."
- /me makes strange gurgling noise yeah, hiding from him was a good call. He'd have had you occupied for at least half an hour. He'd probably handcuff himself to you until you threw aside whatever unimportant religion you previously held and converted to his far superior one. --THE 22:55, 8 April 2008 (UTC)
[edit] New IM!
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Gentleman Skullthumper - Converse : Benefactions : I Seem To Have Misplaced My Sock
[edit] Oh snap, dumb idea by Kajeck
Hey THE, instead of writing original articles for our next contest, how about writing a parody of an article chosen by the other person in an hour? Like, we could choose articles that we've gotten featured or something, maybe... (I got the idea while watching your edits to the kill homeless people page, and I thought, "What if I did a parody of it called Why?:Shoot Homeless Seagulls?") I dunno, just a thought. <Apr 13, 2008 [20:41]>
- That does sound kind of interesting, actually. A parody, or perhaps a spin-off of sorts? Yeah, I think that could work, though the chances of epic failure might increase a bit, as it sounds like it'd be more difficult to write. Sounds pretty intriguing though, nonetheless. What do you think of the new sektion in the homeless people page? --THE 20:48, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- I have time today, if you want to try it. <Apr 13, 2008 [20:50]>
- I don't think I'll be able to today. I have to leave pretty soon and I don't want to get screwed in the middle of writing an article. How's tomorrow @ 5:30 again? --THE 20:55, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Sounds good, ol' buddy ol' pal! <Apr 13, 2008 [20:56]>
- At 5:30 your time (2:30 my time), someone will name an article they have written. However, you can't say what the parody will be about or how to parody the article. Sound good? <Apr 13, 2008 [21:18]>
- Yup, sounds good. --THE 21:21, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Maybe we should say what the articles will be right now to give ourselves some time to think? <Apr 13, 2008 [21:25]>
- Yeah, good idea. Uhhh...you go first? :) --THE 21:32, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Okay, fine then! I'm very interested in how you would parody my magnum opus. You can decide on what you'll give me tomorrow. <Apr 13, 2008 [21:34]>
- I can give it to you now if you like. No sexual innuendo intended. That would give you time to read it if you haven't. --THE 21:39, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Definitely! <Apr 13, 2008 [21:41]>
- HowTo:Turn Your Computer On. An old one. A very old one, with plenty of potential for weird parodies. This should be fascinating. --THE 21:43, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Oh man, that just screams parody! I hope I can come up with something better than that... <Apr 13, 2008 [21:47]>
- HowTo:Turn Your Computer On. An old one. A very old one, with plenty of potential for weird parodies. This should be fascinating. --THE 21:43, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Definitely! <Apr 13, 2008 [21:41]>
- I can give it to you now if you like. No sexual innuendo intended. That would give you time to read it if you haven't. --THE 21:39, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Okay, fine then! I'm very interested in how you would parody my magnum opus. You can decide on what you'll give me tomorrow. <Apr 13, 2008 [21:34]>
- Yeah, good idea. Uhhh...you go first? :) --THE 21:32, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Maybe we should say what the articles will be right now to give ourselves some time to think? <Apr 13, 2008 [21:25]>
- Yup, sounds good. --THE 21:21, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Why?:Shoot homeless people?
Definitely the new section boosts your score from 36.8 to, say, 37.8. A few more sections and I'll VFH it for ya. <Apr 13, 2008 [20:50]>
- Shweet. I'm in the midst of adding another section as we speak. --THE 20:55, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- Personally, I liked the resteraunt (sp) idea, but it's your article. <Apr 13, 2008 [20:56]>
- Yeah, that was a good idea, come to think of it. Perhaps I'll use it instead of the dog food section. Or maybe I could blend them both together. --THE 21:12, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- I get it! BLEND! Have the dog food commercial be at the end with absolutely no explanation, and I'll nom it for you (currently, I give this a 39 or so). <Apr 13, 2008 [21:18]>
- Oops, I didn't see this message until after I wrote the section already. Oh well, I'll put an advertisement for Hobo Phlegm Facial Cream or something, just to maximize the shock factor. Heh. --THE 21:21, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- If it were me, which it isn't, I would just have a dog food commercial at the VERY end that doesn't mention hobos at all to maximize the shock factor. But that's if this were my article. <Apr 13, 2008 [21:25]>
- I added a dog food advertisement template thing. You can editize it if you like. --THE 21:32, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- I'll edit it a little and nom it after, I suppose. <Apr 13, 2008 [21:34]>
- Okay. Also, we are talking in two sections of my talk page simultaneously, which is confusing the hell out of me. --THE 21:39, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- I'll nom it when you're ready. Also, that two sections thing? Optical illusion caused by... DUMBNESS :O <Apr 13, 2008 [21:41]>
- Damn! I suppose you can go ahead and OM NOM NOM NOM it. The only changes I have left ot make to it are linkifying it a bit more and perhaps adding another image. --THE 21:43, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
- I'll nom om om om it tomorrow. I'll give you some time to spruce it up. <Apr 13, 2008 [21:46]>
[edit] Heading
Oh hai! You has a drumset?-- Sir Leoispotter, SpecOps (garble! jank!) 03:02, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
- I have reason to believe so. Also, are you the real Leoispotter, or are you Polystyrene Man hijacking Leoispotter's account? Or are you perhaps an alien being? --THE 19:48, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Dost you have a dump set?
That actually was Dano, as promises are true. We were talking about forming a psychedelic rock band and want a drummer with a dump set. The sound of craps onstage really bring out the acidic sound of psychedelic rock, so any old dump set will do.
Seriously, though: Yes. Please answer.
Also, you no longer need a facebook account to hear the wonderful melodies of elephants eating lard in butter rooms: [1]
--Polystyrene Man 21:28, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
- I does have one. I can't really drum very well though. Also, are you going to see Ryan & so forth tonight @ the pubic biblioteque? --THE 17:33, 14 April 2008 (EDT)
- You should probably consider practicing your ass off. What time is Ryan's thing? 7, right? --Polystyrene Man 21:40, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
- Madame On NEil said 6:30, but he said 7. I'll probably go around 6:45. --THE 21:42, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
- Right-O, I'll probably be there. --Polystyrene Man 17:46, 14 April 2008 (EDT)
- Madame On NEil said 6:30, but he said 7. I'll probably go around 6:45. --THE 21:42, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
- You should probably consider practicing your ass off. What time is Ryan's thing? 7, right? --Polystyrene Man 21:40, 14 April 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Before you call your lawyer...
Hey, Punk!
You voted to get the UnScript featuring the most violent detective in the world to the front page to blow some heads clean off a few newbie shoulders. I'll keep this brief considering that I've been sitting on my ass for the last minute talking to you instead of carving holes into that punk Dexter.
So thanks for the vote.
Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.
17/04/2008 @ 03:06[edit] I has 'nother quest shun
Did you ever get a hold of those tickets?-- Sir Leoispotter, SpecOps (garble! jank!) 21:22, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
- Also, my mother installed a ridiculous blocking system on my computer and for some reason it blocks your userpage. Did you add hardcore porn to it or something? If so, do tell.-- Sir Leoispotter, SpecOps (garble! jank!) 21:26, 25 April 2008 (UTC)
- I did get a hold of a ticket of some sort, yes. It's a rather oddly formatted ticket though. Oh well. As long as it gets me in. And my random link of the month links to an image of several "cow fetish" sex toys (with udders!). That's probably the issue. HAHAHAHAHA! --THE 01:08, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
- Ah, that would make sense. I also have a third question- were we supposed to do anything for MUN over vacation?-- Sir Leoispotter, SpecOps (garble! jank!) 11:30, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
- Yes. Both position papers are due Monday :O. I haven't started either of mine as of yet. You should talk to Jay, since he's doing the same country as you and the same topics apparently. Also when you said "I have a third question" I'm presuming you MEANT to say "I has a turd quess shun"? --THE 11:35, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
- Eh....what the hell's a position paper??-- Sir Leoispotter, SpecOps (garble! jank!) 16:46, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
- You write a one page or so paper where you write your country's opinion on a given topic. The topics are in e-mails she sent us. She also gave us descriptions of how to write position papers, but you missed those meetings. If you delve into your e-mail you should be able to find your topics, and J can most certainly assist you since he's doing the exact same ones. --THE 00:19, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
[edit] UUUUUUUUUUUUU
("AAAAAAAAAAAAA" in Swedish)
I got all the data and everything, prepared to make my lab report and suddenly realized I have NO IDEA what the lab was even about. If you could give the title of the lab and a plusbrief description, that might jog my memory (I was intelligent enough not to risk bringing home my Kem Is Tree confidentiality binder) --Polystyrene Man 20:08, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- You caught me in the middle of starting my position paper. And by "Starting my position paper" I mean "Opening a word document and then screwing around on the internet."
- The lab was "formula of a hydrate." It involved hydrates, which are salt compounds with inorganic water in them. In each hydrate, there's a "ratio" of sorts between the moles of salt in it and the moles of water. When you heat a hydrate, the water evaporates or something, leaving just the salt (this is called an anhydrous salt). In the first part of the lab, we were given the ratio (CuSo · 5H2O, meaning that for every mole of CuSo there's 5 moles of h2o.) and had to predict how much mass loss there would be when we heated the shit. For the second one, we heated a sample of MgSO4's hydrate. We had to use the amount of mass lost to calculate the ratio water to salt (which incidentally was MgSO4 · 7H2O. We got it right!).
- Upon rereading what I just wrote, I realize it's a tad confusing. And by "A tad confusing" I mean "Completely incomprehensible." I can email you my equally incomprehensible lab report if you want, just don't copy it as there's a chance that Keller might notice. Also, I am highly compelled by Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, which I am listening to as I type. --THE 20:18, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- Oi yes, very please send your report. I won't copy any of it, I just need to understand what the hell was going on in between our federal crimes. Also, Yoshimi is quite possibly the shit. You realize the sun doesn't go down, it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round. You should check out At War with the Mystics as well. And Transmissions from the Satellite Heart. And Clouds Taste Metallic. And The Soft Bulletin. Definitely The Soft Bulletin. I could go on... --Polystyrene Man 20:35, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- Wow, they've made a lot of albums. I must admit I'm quite curious about this inpronouncable album that's apparently four disks that you have to play simultaneously to get the full effect. I am liking David Byrne's album thus far as well - "Jesus is big, Jesus is strong, Jesus'll kill you if you don't get along!" Hehhehe. Also, I shall send the e-mail in your general direction. --THE 21:05, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- Aye, Ryan has Zaireeka. We need to all gather some time with CD players and listen to that. Got yer email btw (by the way) (using abbreviations, then spelling them out, defeating the purpose of the abbreviation. Then explaining my actions, which actually adds a lot more time than I... er, procrastinating). ty (Thank you) --64.185.129.238 21:46, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- np (no problem), MTFKLCKO?M__++^^mOKld (I'm actually not sure what that's an abbreviation for.) Also, we definitely need to have a Zaireeka fest. LOLZ (Laugh out loud...z...an exclamation of merriment) :D (jubilantly smiling face cleverly represented with punctuation to save the time of having to write out "I'm jubilantly smiling! ROFL [Rolling on floor laughing cuz {because} of a joke {this is getting quite confusing lol (laugh out loud)}]). --THE 22:02, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- Actually, lol stands for "lots of lemons." Anyways, danke very much for the lab. I was able to finish before 9:30, which is an all time record. And our reports look remarkably different, despite being exactly the same... LOL --Polystyrene Man 01:40, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
- np (no problem), MTFKLCKO?M__++^^mOKld (I'm actually not sure what that's an abbreviation for.) Also, we definitely need to have a Zaireeka fest. LOLZ (Laugh out loud...z...an exclamation of merriment) :D (jubilantly smiling face cleverly represented with punctuation to save the time of having to write out "I'm jubilantly smiling! ROFL [Rolling on floor laughing cuz {because} of a joke {this is getting quite confusing lol (laugh out loud)}]). --THE 22:02, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Thanks for the vote
You voted Tony Visconti, so big thanks and hugs the feature means a lot to me:-)--Sir Sycamore (T) (C) 21:42, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
- You're welcome. --THE 22:02, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
[edit] thx
| FOOM
Thanks for voting for Why?:Burn a Furby? on VFH. Now get out there and incinerate some of those suckers! |
[edit] Hey. FUCKHOLE.
You just finished five Pee Reviews. That means you could join PEEING as a Fresh Stain if you wanna. It'd be cool if you did, cuz that means like more work is getting done by good reviewers versus shitty ones. Doo it. Dooo itt. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ CUN • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 23:47 Apr 28
- Do I just add my name as a fresh stain or do I have to do a request? --THE 23:50, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
- just aaadd youuurrr naaammmee to freeesshhhh staaaiinnnn ...doooo iiiiitttt <Apr 28, 2008 [23:52]>
- 5 good reviews = no need to request. Besides, I'm a Kidney, I can invite whomever I want so even if you just did one awesome review and I wanted you in right now I could do it. ...Doooooooooooooooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ CUN • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 23:54 Apr 28
- just aaadd youuurrr naaammmee to freeesshhhh staaaiinnnn ...doooo iiiiitttt <Apr 28, 2008 [23:52]>
[edit] the thing! THE THING!
You ready yet? <Apr 29, 2008 [22:27]>
- Yes, I am now. Are you? --THE 22:37, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- Yep. Remember, we end an hour after our first edit (creating the page). Your article is a parody of Red Light, and mine is a parody of HowTo:Turn Your Computer On? What else should we add? What other rules are there? <Apr 29, 2008 [22:40]>
- Shall we do any special rules this time? Since this time we're parodying each others' articles, it seems like the entire contest is a "special rule" already. If you have an idea for something to add though, we can do it. --THE 22:42, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- Well, let's be sure it's a real parody, and not too far from the original article. Go! I guess? <Apr 29, 2008 [22:44]>
- I'm just starting my article with {{WIP}}{{SUBST:HowTo:Turn Your Computer On}} <Apr 29, 2008 [22:46]>
- GO! (also, CURSE these damn edit konflicts!) --THE 22:48, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
WELL, it looks like my time is up. My article is Brick Wall!. I was originally going to do one called "Bud Lite!" but I couldn't think of any way to write an article like that and parody the style of red light, since the only thing they had in common was the title. I think my final product is a little questionable, but I tried! --THE 23:49, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- DONE! User:Cajek/HowTo:Turn Your Computer On <Apr 29, 2008 [23:51]> GOD DAMN EDIT CONFLICTS!
- Let's read our articles, and then comment. <Apr 29, 2008 [23:51]>
- Just finished yours. I enjoyed it! I was kwite curious about what spin you'd put on it. The part about needing to marry them, your use of the term "terminatrix," the pictures, and especially the dialogue with Conner and the robot were quite hilarious. --THE 23:58, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- Your article is pretty good too. It's more of a parody article than mine (funnier because I have read... and written Red Light). All the cussing and the car backing up ("What marvelous absurdity!") was pretty giggle-worthy. <Apr 30, 2008 [0:01]>
- Thank'ee! All in all, I'd say this another highly sucessful thing. I'd create a forum topic about it, but last time we did that it started an argument for some inexplicable reason :/ --THE 00:05, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- I'm glad you liked my article! We should both challenge someone else to get some perspective. I've thought about challenging someone who doesn't write many articles to get them started. But yes, I am fairly happy with my article. Maybe I should've chosen an easier article for you so that it's not so esoteric a parody? I hoped you liked parodying RL! <Apr 30, 2008 [0:08]>
- Yeah, we should bring someone else in for a three-way THING sometime. And no worries about Red Light, parodying it was fun. I usually write in a very Wikipedia-esque formal style, so it was nice to break away from that and write something a tad more insane. Also, I haven't the faintest idea what "esoteric" means, and suspect you might have made it up. --THE 00:12, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- Esoteric is too a word! <Apr 30, 2008 [3:41]>
- Yeah, we should bring someone else in for a three-way THING sometime. And no worries about Red Light, parodying it was fun. I usually write in a very Wikipedia-esque formal style, so it was nice to break away from that and write something a tad more insane. Also, I haven't the faintest idea what "esoteric" means, and suspect you might have made it up. --THE 00:12, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- I'm glad you liked my article! We should both challenge someone else to get some perspective. I've thought about challenging someone who doesn't write many articles to get them started. But yes, I am fairly happy with my article. Maybe I should've chosen an easier article for you so that it's not so esoteric a parody? I hoped you liked parodying RL! <Apr 30, 2008 [0:08]>
- Thank'ee! All in all, I'd say this another highly sucessful thing. I'd create a forum topic about it, but last time we did that it started an argument for some inexplicable reason :/ --THE 00:05, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- Your article is pretty good too. It's more of a parody article than mine (funnier because I have read... and written Red Light). All the cussing and the car backing up ("What marvelous absurdity!") was pretty giggle-worthy. <Apr 30, 2008 [0:01]>
- Just finished yours. I enjoyed it! I was kwite curious about what spin you'd put on it. The part about needing to marry them, your use of the term "terminatrix," the pictures, and especially the dialogue with Conner and the robot were quite hilarious. --THE 23:58, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
I made a forum topic anyways. A BHOP forum topic. <Apr 30, 2008 [3:41]>
- And so it begins... Mindless drivel Pointless edits 03:54, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Thanks for voting
Thanks for voting for that article about the sun, or something. Yeah, so I was too lazy to make a template. That doesn't make this message any less generic though. -RAHB 08:23, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
- I'm too lazy to say "You're welcome," so I'll just say "you're welc." --THE 20:26, 6 May 2008 (UTC)
[edit] ?Pedia
Hey THE, I wrote an article on Illogicopedia, and I asked for you to adopt me. Well? What are you waiting for? Help this poor noob! <May 09, 2008 [12:42]>
- Yeah, I just saw! Excellent to see you joined! Sorry it took so long, I've had a few exams lately so I couldn't go on the interweb as much. However, exams are now over so I can go online more, and have adopted you. Unnoficially, as I don't think there is an adoption policy on Illogicopedia. Also, that was the worst mispelling of "unofficially" I've ever typed. --THE 20:32, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost Sunday Edition: May 11th, 2008
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said Was Cool!
May 11th, 2008 • Issue 2 • Scene XII
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Wikia staff finally locates blockage in the Internet tubes: Spang's talkpage  After endless days of searching itself, Wikia has discovered the source of all its problems. "It's not DPL," Wikia's local sexy janitor, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters. "It's not those damn ParserFunctions either, or forums, or even Chuck Norris." When asked what the real cause of Wikia's distresses were, our source remained tight-lipped by stapling his mouth shut. Which was probably a bad idea, considering he ended up writhing in pain on the floor, bleeding all over the nice Wikia rugs. Thankfully, the UnSignpost has a trained doctor on its staff, who was sensible enough to call for medical help. After the sexy janitor was revived, he said "rar." When further questioned about the source of all Wikia's woes, he finally admitted it was Spang's talkpage. "Uncyclopedia user "Spang"'s refusal to archive his talkpage is slowly clogging up the arteries of the Internet," says a technical forum at Wikia. "The talkpage in question has already managed to crash all three of the computers in Australia." Upon being asked to archive his talkpage, Spang reportedly said, "No." When Uncyclopedia was asked to comment, the site had this to say: "FU SPANG". UnSignpost Releases First Issue  May 8th, 2008: Uncyclopedia develops a new fungus... a newspapery one. "Through all the shockporn and Oscar Wilde references, we made it!" Founder Dr. Skullthumper said at a recent press conference. At the conference in Skullthumper's backyard, editor-in-chief Cajek, wearing a traditional light blue Mongolian Toga and screaming at birds, had more to add. "I would like to thank all the writers involved. Thank you, you gods of men. You captains of the human experience." Police are investigating the use of strong hallucinogenic drugs during the making of the first issue. So far, the investigation has reached the top of the Unsignpost empire, when detectives found Dr. Skullthumper forcing his staff to squirt automotive door-lock de-icer up their noses to "enhance the creative joo-joo." Local police then ordered the paper to rescind two award-winning articles from its May 8th release. Two of the most hardened criminals on the UnSignpost staff, Meatbone and Spider, are currently planning revenge. When asked if UnSignpost was, like the Daily Show, the Onion, or Uncyclopedia, popular enough to parody itself, Cajek said "No. Obviously not. We can't say we suck yet, or else people would be like 'yeah, they do suck!' We have to wait until people like us. Then, when they read us making fun of ourselves they'll be all like 'this paper ROX!'" In the meantime, the paper promises to not make fun of itself, and will stick to meta-parodying instead until "someone important says it's okay." Heavy metal music found to be beneficial when reverting vandals Ever find yourself stuck awake at three in the morning (EST), fighting a few vandals with no admins around? Studies show that your choice of music might influence how you revert. In a study involving Squiggle, RAHB, Cajek, Fnoodle, Dr. Skullthumper, and Starnestommy, in which they fought diligently for Uncyclopedia through the night, heavy metal music was found to be the best for the purpose of "ass-kicking". After sprinkling some magic over the statistics, they automatically became true. Cajek's Corner
Today, we're going to make a standard Uncyclopedia article, Cajek-style. You will need:
Now, we'll combine the elements together into something that might be called an "article". In reality, all you have to do is whine for a good few pages of text, then sprinkle the annoying elements - sparingly. Add headlines and split up paragraphs to disguise your rant as a well-formatted article, and you're done! Skull's Skullery
Hi kids! Today, we're going to travel with me, Dr. Skullthumper, through a normal day at Uncyc!
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||||||
[edit] Long-delayed thankings
| Err... Hey, sorry I'm, uhh, a little bit late on the thanks for this thing... I've been really, really, busy. Anyways, thanks for voting, and, with any luck, those delusional fools will let me out of this hell-hole soon. |
| I'm going to burn you all! |
Hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, amirite? - Don Leddy the Crunch 
(Nyah, see, nyah!) 23:49, May 12
[edit] UnSignpost: May 15th, 2008
The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!
May 15st, 2008 • Issue 2 3
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The Bible Finally Catches a Break  For years... or whatever... Conservapedia has attacked Uncyc for being too liberal. Today, Uncyc publicly derobes itself, and reveals its patriotic side. From now on, "Uncyclopedia" will be renamed "Falwellapedia" in honor of the late pastor, Jerry Falwell who died May 15th, 2007. Unsignpost spoke with the founder, Modusoperandi, in his isolated forest bunker. "I hate how the liberals treat us!" Modus shouted, along with his two followers. "Don't they see that when they make fun of us, the lord rolls over in his soon-to-be-resurrected grave?" The conservative propagandabot Fbooble is scheduled to "purge the site of any left-wing statements" by the end of the week, soon after it gains self-awareness and joins the Republican party. "HUMANS, CLOSE YOUR NOISE HOLES AND PAY ATTENTION!" Fbooble proclaimed at a recent press conference. "THE DEMOCRATS AND ALL THOSE OTHER LIBERALS ARE NEARING THE END." Fbooble, whose titanium wristwatch glistened in the afternoon sun, held up a copy of the Falwell Children's Bible near the conclusion of the conference and said "ALL PRAISE JEBUS, AND HIS INVINCIBLE ARMY OF DISCIPLES!" Although Fbooble is unclear on the details of religion right now, it promises to become ultraconservative when it does. Not all Uncyc users are happy with the transition. Although we could not find anyone who actually called themselves a liberal, we did manage to vandalize a hybrid just to equal the score. Unsignpost promises a lucrative year via advertising revenue for the Republican National Committee and a weekly "Republican of the Week" section. Changes by Fbooble will include replacing all swear words, such as ****** and ***********, with the word "daffodil," and deleting all articles. Shockporn deemed unworthy will be replaced with this image, and quotes not from the bible will be deleted with extreme prejudice. All non-American users, such as that one guy are to be called "fags", also with extreme prejudice.  How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, one of the hallmarks of Uncyclopedia, has reached the top of the heap. Mordillo, an administrator who will be the least offended when we attribute absolutely false quotes to him, recently said of the page "Finally! Although I've never read it, I hear it's full of fatherly, patronizing advice for those newbs that write those articles I'm constantly huffing!" Mhaille, who has the most linked-to userpage on Uncyc, was slightly more angry at the recent news. "I'm only in 10th place? What the f**k?" While spying on Mhaille from under his bed, the news staff heard language that no human being was ever supposed to hear. Thankfully, the staff was smashed on Listerine, and may have just made up the entire event. Mhaille commented that "No, they didn't make it up, and if they do it again they had better bring enough Listerine for everyone." The user responsible for the 36,000+ links to How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid wishes to remain anonymous, but said to our reporters through a wiretap "I just got too carried away. I wish I could take it back, but I can't, and that's no reason for threatening my family in this way! Oh jeez, I hope you get this message, Uncyclopedia. All right, I'm hanging up now, and I hope you're not angry. *BEEP*" UnSignpost Releases Second Issue May 15th, 2008: Uncyclopedia has developed an open wound... a newspaperish one. Riding high on their success, Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek have "deployed their golden parachutes" and are "planning to pack up our shit" and "get the hell out of here." Wearing his trademark solid gold sweatpants, bought with the advertising from the first and second issues of Unsignpost, Dr. Skullthumper said "It was fun, I guess, but now it's time to move on. Like a wild hyena, Unsignpost has left its mark. There are no more stories to cover: no more people to attribute fake quotes to." Cajek, munching on a shish kabob of bald eagle babies, had nothing to add except maniacal laughter as he threw thousands of dollars into the air. Unsignpost, bankrupted by the two owner's antics, is planning to make the paper a paid subscription, unless something kooky happens, in which case it won't. In addition to subscriptions, Unsignpost is having a luau at Mike's house to raise money. "Oh, it'll be soooooo exciting!" Mike said. ...You know Mike. Anyway, Mike continued, "There'll be a silent auction, and a limbo contest, and a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey! Oh! So exciting!" With the proceeds, Unsignpost hopes to add a "Week Box of the Week of the Week" section and a mascot. Maybe a shark. Protein folding: The latest in computer entertainment The editors of the UnSignpost strongly encourage the community to sign up for Uncyclopedia's Folding@Home team. Started in 2005 by rcmurphy, Codeine, Flammable, Paulgb, gwax, Mhaille, Carlb, Naughtyned, DrakeGTA, and RadicalX, the signup page has since gathered more cobwebs than new users. By joining F@H, you will get a free program that uses any extra unused CPU power to perform complicated calculations in the background. "Well that's great," you say. "So I'm helping compute protein folding, a never-before-possible situation to model on computers, and thus helping cure some of the most misunderstood diseases to strike humankind as well as advancing the knowledge of the human race into parts of science that were up until recently perceived as impossible. So what's in it for ME?!" You, yes you, will get the excitement of watching proteins fold in your very own home! "Wow!" exclaims part-time F@H user Dr. Skullthumper, "did you just see that? Did you just SEE the w |
