User talk:Velosi-T
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Hey, watsup, you're in my evil laboratory talk page. Please leave a message after the grue.
- Don't be a dick
- Don't be too crass
- If you post here, I will reply here. If I post at your place, you should reply there. (Thanks goes to TheLedBalloon for that rule)
- Don't be a dick, I'm new (mostly)
- You don't TOUCH my user page UNLESS you are adding a quote about me from you. WHICH YOU CAN TOTALLY DO. I have no problems with quotes about me. As far as you know.
- If you want to access the toiler, click here.
[edit] The First Section
Okay, who here knows how to make text be centered or how to change the size or color of the text? Thanks. -Velosi-T 14:13, 16 July 2008 (UTC)
To center text, put <center>your text here</center>. To change size, <font size=number>Your text here</font>. To change color <font color=either the color name or the code for it>Your text here.</font> If you put multiple <font> tags in front, make sure you put multiple </font> tags in back. Same for <center> and </center>. Hope that helps. -RAHB 01:20, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
That helps a lot, thank you, RAHB. First poster, w00t! As soon as I figure out how to make little award things, you get one. --Velosi-T 01:32, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
- No problem. Whenever I want to make a template, I usually just steal somebody else's code and then tinker around with it until it looks different. I think that's what most of us do here actually. Don't ask me what the first person to make a template did. It's a debate as heated as the beginning of the universe. -RAHB 02:03, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
- Well, that's what I did, and that template is now on your user talk page. I sporked it from the "Grues love this article" template. --Velosi-T 02:04, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Velosi-T's Cookie Award
Ok people, I have created myself a template. It is the Cookie Award, and it is awarded to people who I have seen doing a good thing. The first user to get the award is......que drumroll.... RAHB!!! Congratulations, RAHB. By the way, the award looks like this....
So if you see that on your user talk page, then you have been awarded the Cookie! --Velosi-T 02:49, 17 July 2008 (UTC)
List of users who have been awarded the Cookie
[edit] How do I submit something to Pee Review a second time?
Okay, I submitted my article, HowTo:Walk like a normal person to Pee Review, and I got it reviewed (thanks to Gerrycheevers for that), so I made some changes and want to get it reviewed again, just to see if it's good enough for VFH nomination. How do I do this? Thanks. --Velosi-T 02:32, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
- Put in the create box "HowTo:Walk like a normal person (take 2)" or something similar. -RAHB 01:17, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
Sweet, thanks, guys, I just got it done, the article is now up for review. Thanks again. --Velosi-T 02:32, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
[edit] SWOOP!
| This user has been adopted by RAHB. |
Muahahahaha! Another hapless soul to add to my army of-! I MEAN!.....Hi! Ok, so you're adopted now. You've been around for a bit so I'm sure you have a bit of an idea of how the site works and stuff. So I'll just let you ask me any questions you like. Anything you need, ask and I shall do my best to deliver. I'll now have your page watched because I get off to watchin- I MEAN! Shit! Because I like to see what you're up to and stuff. Yeah, that's the one. Anyways, like I said, anything you need help with, don't ever hesitate to ask. I'm also in the IRC chat room a lot if you want to find me quick, that may be a good way to talk since it's more immediate and such. Plus, you get to know some of the more active members of the community while you're in there. Gets you integrated into the Uncyc atmosphere nicely. Alright well, that's my paragraph of stuff. I'll be seeing you around. Cheers! -RAHB 02:19, 14 August 2008 (UTC)
- Sweet, thanks, RAHB, I get off to watchin yours-! I MEAN! I enjoy getting to know people in a community. You just won another cookie, my friend.
[edit] So....another question....
Yeah, so, I seriously want to know how you peepz make your signatures all awesomeish. Like The Woodburninator. With all the k00l colors. TEACH ME!! PLZ!!
- With time and dedication, young lad! would you like me to help you make your own super awesome sig? if so, press 72 now! -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 05:37, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
- Umm...72... --Velosi-T 13:31, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
- Alright! Well, first of all you'll need a subpage: User:Velosi-T/sig or something. Then, all you need are some basic text formatting stuffs:
- Umm...72... --Velosi-T 13:31, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
To change color: <span style="color:white"> To change font: <span class="nounderlinelink" style="font-family:'bradley hand itc'">
- There's lot's more stuff you can do, but that depends on what you want in a sig. The easiest way is stealing someone else's sig and tinkering around with it until it looks different. Try reading UN:SIG. For more, press 2. -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 18:55, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
- Well, thanks to you, I got my sig. You win a cookie. Oh...and I'll press 485.82, just to see what happens. --
Velosi-T 
{] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 20:48, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
- Well, thanks to you, I got my sig. You win a cookie. Oh...and I'll press 485.82, just to see what happens. --
- There's lot's more stuff you can do, but that depends on what you want in a sig. The easiest way is stealing someone else's sig and tinkering around with it until it looks different. Try reading UN:SIG. For more, press 2. -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 18:55, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
Sorry! I forgot to tell you: when you're finished with the sig, go to your preferences and scroll down to "Signature", then input
{{Subst:Nosubst|User:Velosi-T/sig}}
So you can type the four ~'s to automatically add your sig (which looks great, by the way) Cheers! -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 21:25, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
Alright, thanks, that's easier. Glad you like the sig. --
Velosi-T 
{] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 22:12, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
Hmm. How do I make the time appear next to the sig instead of in that box? -- Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 22:14, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
Did you put the {{Subst:Nosubst|User:Velosi-T/sig}} thing in your preferences? If you did, then your sig and that time should appear automaticly when you enter ~~~~ -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 23:35, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, I did, but it gives me the time in a box for some reason. - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 00:05, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
- A BOX?!?! Dear lord. If you want you can have a custom formatted time....Then you only sign with three ~s and you get a custom time (see how the time in my sig is all customed up?). That may fix your problemo. - [08:40 3 September] Sir FSt Don
Yettie
[edit] An offer...
| You have been invited into... The Cow Moo Cult's Very Own Uncyclopedia Mafia A Family Business If you accept, click the link above. If you reject... this never happened. |
- Any questions? Contact me. -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 19:37, 18 August 2008 (UTC)
- So....what exactly do they do? - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 12:55, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
- Pssh, never mind, I'll join. I don't even care what it does. - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 19:06, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
- Good, good. Just sign here, in whatever branch you choose. Be sure to mention that I extended this offer to you. Good luck. -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 19:32, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
- Good, good. Just sign here, in whatever branch you choose. Be sure to mention that I extended this offer to you. Good luck. --
- So....what exactly do they do? -
Please forgive the lag in the enrollment process. The Family has taken note of your request to join, it's just that the Don is extremely at the moment. I'm sure he'll take notice as soon as he returns to Uncyc and you'll be on your way - Regards, -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 03:00, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
And the best part is, since you're a wiseguy, you can haz my brown hat, just copy the brown hat from my mafia sig... 
C.B.D. Mr. Lazzaro "Dotnot" Jasper (19:15 21 Aug 2008)
Cool, thanks guys. Sgarrista Mr. Bruno "Tee" Velosi
- Dude guys. Seriously, find a way to differentiate your sigs a little. Once this mafia thing gets really going, I swear I won't be able to tell half our users apart :/ -RAHB 21:46, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
- Also, read UN:SIG, and fix your sigs. The pictures are too big. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon
(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:52, Aug 21
- Crap, didn't even think about that. I'll just make my hat smaller. - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 22:30, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
- Shit, the hat is completely unrecognizable at 12px! -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 23:14, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
- Yeah, I put it at 20px because it looked like it fit with the rest of the sig. - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 00:12, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
- Yeah, I put it at 20px because it looked like it fit with the rest of the sig. -
- Shit, the hat is completely unrecognizable at 12px! -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 23:14, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
- Crap, didn't even think about that. I'll just make my hat smaller. -
- Also, read UN:SIG, and fix your sigs. The pictures are too big. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon
- Oh no. Flamewar senses are tingling.... - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 22:49, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost: August 21st, 2008
The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!
August 21st, 2008 • Issue Sixteen • The periodical without any junk in its trunk
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And the award for Sluttiest User goes to... ...Mhaille! With over fifteen thousand links to his userpage strewn willy-nilly about Uncyclopedia, Mhaille takes home the Slutty for the sixth consecutive time. Everyone's favorite moustachioed chappie overtook Codeine in early 2007 and never looked back. When asked about this momentous achievement, Mhaille was still in shock from the victory. "I'd like to give thanks to my mother and my father, for first taking me into the family business. Without their years of experience and their guidance I would not have become the Slut I am today," he said. "It is for them that I hope to make it a seventh title!" Coming in at second on the list was the legendary Benson. Despite having only twenty edits in the past year, Benson has managed to rack up over twelve thousand links to his userpage. He still enjoys a several thousand link lead over slut number three, Thekillerfroggy. When asked how Benson managed to not only maintain his lead, but actually increase it, TKF said, "A wizard did it." In-depth investigation by this reporter revealed that Froggy's signature may have something to do with it, as random selection feature will occasionally cause TKF's sig to spam dozens of links to Benson's userpage, mostly in Dr. Skullthumper's userspace. UnSignpost gets new paper-boy Uncyclopedia's semi-official newspaper, enjoyed by literally several readers each week, has hired a brand new paper boy. This individual has been delivering the UnSignpost for the past two weeks. This cost cutting measure was announced after the guy with the keys to the delivery robots disappeared, taking the keys, several thousand dollars in cash, and a stapler with him. Unconfirmed rumours made up by me suggest that he intends to staple the money to the keys before turning the stapler on himself. The paper boy, who calls himself Gerrycheevers, says that it is a tough job, but he is glad to be able to contribute something. "It's a tough job," he told UnSignpost reporters "but I am glad to be able to contribute something." The young paper boy is saving up his pocket money to buy a new frisbee. The mammoth task has taken its toll on young Mr. Cheevers, leaving him with severe wrist pain and an acute hatred of humanity. "It totally messed up my wrists. I was out of action for days!" he said. Most Uncyclopedians are said to be happy with the new service, saying that they prefer the more personal touch that comes with human delivery. "Those damn robots trampled my garden, broke down my door and killed my dog with their death-rays" said one unfortunate Uncyclopedian. In a related story, Gerrycheevers has been 'throttled' from such activites as moving pages and making mass edits. His repetitive edits have apparently pissed off at least one admin, and Gerry is now limited to one edit per four hours. He has used these edits carefully, and has managed to find a new paperbot. This week, the UnSignpost will be delivered by MantiBot. Subscribers can only hope the new delivery system works out, or the UnSignpost may be doomed. |
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Owner 12:45, 22 August 2008 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost: August 28th, 2008
The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!
August 28th, 2008 • SEVENTEENTH ISSUE SPECTACULAR • Word to your mother
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Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce At exactly 10:28 pm (UTC), Sir Led Balloon did the honors of emblazoning a golden '1000' in the count to a million project, a true milestone on the journey to seven-digit greatness. Another user celebrated by gracing the page with an unprecedented one-thousand-and-one pixel high "1001", which was quickly taken down. The user was, needless to say, embarrassed, yet happy that the uncouth horde of devoted Uncyclopedians had finally reached the number 1000, as such a milestone had not been reached since the number 100 and the end of the Porn Wars. On that note, the Porn Wars ended earlier this week with a tentative truce between Commander Jailbait and General Pervert. The war began the week before, when Regret posted a pin-up girl to balance Orian's photo of a scantily-clad male, claiming he was "bringing balance back to the universe." Regret also stated he would "fight to the death"... or at least until Leddy stepped in, this time to call a "three-pornstuffs rule", which eventually ended the erotic feud. Meth, a constant editor on the forum, said "'twas a fortunate day for all under 18." Still, even with peace returning to the forum, not all is well in the land of counting. On the subject of reaching 1000, one dissenting user said: "Perhaps we should seriously consider stopping there. I mean that would be 1/1000 of the goal! Imagine doing this whole thing, 1000 times. That would mean 3000 archives, give or take." To which another user responded, "unfortunately for you, Nobody cares." Nevertheless, as long as there are users with nothing better to do, the Forum will always trudge on, giving Uncyclopedians something with which to kill thirty seconds, and also giving UnSignpost reporters something to write about. Lack of cure for testicular cancer kills 100 Uncyc members Uncycloversity members are still failing to find a cure for our previously mentioned testicular cancer, and to date, 100 people have died of said cancer. When nobody died, some user said it was a rumor made by some other user to piss us all off, right before clutching his balls in pain and dropping dead. Within an hour, about 16 more people died a cancer-related death. A live update shows that 105 users are now dead. You could be next! Don't panic, that'll make you die faster. Regret Tenenbaum, the user who originally warned of the disease, had this to say: "I TOLD YOU SO!" to which he added "Na-nanana-nanana!" The death toll is expected to reach into the thousands, with no end in sight. A memorial was set up earlier today to remember the dead, with one number added for every fallen Uncyclopedian. With fear and panic filling the hearts of users everywhere, there is one question that is on everyone's mind: "WHY GOD, WHY?!" Another live update show that 200 people have now died, and out of those, 10 people killed themselves in anxiety. Remember to always feel your testicles with your fingers. That's right. It helps prevent the cancer from reproducing. |
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[edit] UnSignpost: September 4th, 2008
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
September 4th, 2008 • Eighteenth Issue • STOP!! SIGNPOST TIME!!
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Uncyclopedia copies Conservapedia  Recently, on the fact-based no-spin-zone wiki known as Conservapedia, there has been debate raging over whether to ban all atheists from contributing. Apparently conservapedians believe atheists (those who deny the existence of the creator) to be at the very least a hinderance, and at the very most a hideous group of venom-spitting demon-eyed savages who feed on the blood of children. If this motion garners enough support it may become a 'Conservapedia Commandment', along with 'no girls allowed' and 'slow down, this is a neighborhood.' Mild amusement and complete apathy were rampant among Uncyclopedians yesterday. Some poked fun at the silly conservatives for proposing such a Nazi-esque measure. Others took up the reigns in a new thread: should atheists (of Cthulhu) be barred from Uncyclopedia? It seems support for this action is widespread, and soon 'Cthulhu tests' will be administered to random users at random times. Failure of such tests will result in soul consumption. User Heerenveen had this to say: "I believe that it shouldn't matter whether you are an avid worshipper of Cthulhu, just someone who pretends to like Cthulhu to fit in with your mates, or indeed a foaming-at-the-crotch atheist (of Cthulhu), you should be infinibanned from Uncyc regardless. Unless, of course, you are Cajek," to which Orian57 added, "Richard Dawkins is so sexy." As is the norm here on Uncyclopedia, the controversy was immediately parodied, and then the parody of the controversy was summarily parodied. It has yet to be seen whether the parody of the parody will in fact be parodied.
IN A WORLD where JUSTICE is a distant memory...where HOPE seems desperately out of reach...where THROATY BARITONES are hard to come by... ...ONE MAN performed voice-overs for OVER NINETY FOUR THOUSAND FILMS. His DEEPLY SONOROUS VOICE could turn even the most BORING movie into AN ALL-OUT THRILLER... ...Most famously known for THAT GEICO COMMERCIAL HE DID, that man's NAME was DON LAFONTAINE. Critics hailed him as 'THAT MOVIE TRAILER ANNOUNCER GUY' and 'THE DUDE WITH THE CRAZY VOICE'... ...On Monday, LaFontaine PASSED AWAY suddenly when a FIERY EXPLOSION in a SHRAPNEL FACTORY caused the TURBO-CHARGED SPORTSCAR in which he was being pursued by MONGOL HORDES to CAREEN OVER A CLIFF. He was 68...
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[edit] Suggestions Pleaz
I'm thinking about creating the article on Harpoon. Any ideas as to how to make an article about harpoons funny? - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 14:11, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
- Just a note, people don't really come along to read messages left by you on your talkpage. There's a forum for that. However, for this sort of advice you're better off going to users who you know a little and asking politely on their talkpages. - [18:04 6 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie
- Good point YTTE, thanks. - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 19:12, 6 September 2008 (UTC)
- Good point YTTE, thanks. -
[edit] Important Mafia Business!
Hello-a there, fellow killers and maimartists, this is your Don, here. I'd just-a like to tell you that we've had a little jumble up on the Family ladder of honour. The Russian "Digits" has been granted the special title of "Capo Bastone". "Dotnot" and "Grieve" have been made "Capo Bastone Delegato", and will be working closely with Digits as his assistants. A full list of their permissions can be found here.
-- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 18:20, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
[edit] VT!
That's what I call you now. VT. No, wait that could also mean Virginia Tech... who cares. Anyways... how's it going? -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 00:36, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- I was wondering if anyone would get around to making a nickname for me. The - in my name is kinda awkward to type repeatedly. And it's going fine. I'm attempting to think of ideas for an article about harpoons. - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 01:05, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- Ooh, what have you come up with? -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 01:21, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- A harpoon is a long, pointy stick. Yep. That's all. Not a lot to say about those, is there? - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 20:50, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- A harpoon is a long, pointy stick. Yep. That's all. Not a lot to say about those, is there? -
- Ooh, what have you come up with? -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 01:21, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
Ahem! Attention all. And lo, thou shalt be called "Velosi" or "The Big Daddy T" or just "T" or "The Big T" or "The Small T" or "Greg has a small penis and so does George". - [16:17 16 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie
- ....I really don't know how to respond to that... - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 20:50, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- You could have responded like so...
LOLDOGS!!!!111!!! that is so lyke true coz i saw greg's and it was lyke mingin small coz he waz doing georgie up the ear lyke. Minging gross, LOLWTF?!?!- [21:09 16 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie
- Ok... what if it sounds like it's written by a harpoon fanatic or an international harpoon fanclub even! Cos, you know, harpoons leik, totally changed the world!!! -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 22:10, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- There could be something to be said for that....like "Cool" or "Lolz leik taht is teh ghey." You pick. - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 23:22, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- i LIKE THE SECOND ONE IT HAS A NICE ZING TO IT Lt's go fuck up YTTE's userpage! -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 23:27, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- HEHEHE.....yettie....hehehe....userpage.....hehe....- Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 00:17, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
- ...what? -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 00:24, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
- hehehehehehehehehehehe....... - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 00:58, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
- Puff, puff, give, VT! -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 02:04, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
- gives RT the bong* There ya go....hehehehehehehe.... - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 20:59, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
- What's this thing? A vase? -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 00:27, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
- It used to be. - Velosi-T {] Screech * Vomit * Mutilations [} 23:18, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
- Well, you didn't clean it out very well, there's still some plant left at the bottom. -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 23:26, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
- It used to be. -
- gives RT the bong* There ya go....hehehehehehehe.... -
- Puff, puff, give, VT! -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 02:04, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
- hehehehehehehehehehehe....... -
- ...what? -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 00:24, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
- HEHEHE.....yettie....hehehe....userpage.....hehe....-
- i LIKE THE SECOND ONE IT HAS A NICE ZING TO IT Lt's go fuck up YTTE's userpage! -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 23:27, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- There could be something to be said for that....like "Cool" or "Lolz leik taht is teh ghey." You pick. -
- Ok... what if it sounds like it's written by a harpoon fanatic or an international harpoon fanclub even! Cos, you know, harpoons leik, totally changed the world!!! -- REGRETTENENBAUM TALK! 22:10, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- You could have responded like so...
- ....I really don't know how to respond to that... -
