From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Contents 1 Welcome! 2 Hey! 3 consider reading UnNews audios 3.1 the important stuff about UnNews articles 4 Great Work 4.1 Porchesia 4.2 Unchainsawed Melody 5 Criticism 6 Wow and stuff 6.1 Thanks! 6.2 Wa-hey! Free Food! 6.3 Sampling?

[edit] Welcome!

Hello, Xylitol, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

• Beginner's Guide
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome!  I WAS HERE -Kjhf! (feeling chatty?) <image removed> 17:08, 29 January 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Hey!

Kudos on the cool audio, you are a god, and this is one of the reluctant kings of audio saying this. Glad you are on this site doing... stuff.

Me out...

Sir NeoZidane • CUN • talk

Thank you, NeoZidane. --Xylitol 23:14, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

Yes. You're stealing my spotlight. --General Insineratehymn 23:09, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

[edit] consider reading UnNews audios

Great voice, come to UnNews and read something for us rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 00:25, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

On your knees! Rev. Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and recieve the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware.

[edit] the important stuff about UnNews articles

Welcome to UnNews, Xylitol, and thank you for contributing some crap, or something. For a very quick introduction to the ins and outs, please take 30 seconds to read Help:How to write an UnNews article. Please note that proper formatting of an UnNews articles title has only the first word (after UnNews:) and proper nouns capitalized. The second offense of this cardinal rule gets your ass banned. Heh, just kidding... maybe.

Also, a perusal of HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article may help you sink to the average level of UnNews mediocrity, and go on to fame, fortune, and dispepsia.

Although I am an UnNews god cretin and an omnipotent admin, I am also humble, and realize that I make mistakes. I try to allow for some slack in others as well. If your article has been deleted or NRVd by me, it probably sucked, and in my opinion was not worth saving. Things which may protect you from my delete stick are;

1. Pics with captions
2. Links to other Uncyclopedia thingies, like this [[thingie]]
3. Pay attention to suggestions in the UnNews article template
5. Sources, fill in the info {{source|url= |title= |author= |pub= |date=Mmmmm DD, YYYY}}

if I see this "[ ]". [[wikipedia:|]], Mmmmm DD, YYYY

instead of a properly formatted source, I may take it as a sign from the gods to delete the article

I've reproduced some other pertinent links below from Uncyclopedia:Community Portal which I recommend you peruse.

Discussion and Visitor Information

• Village Dump

General Discussion about Uncyclopedia, questions, comments.

• Uncyclopedia:Beginner's Guide to Being an Uncyclopedian

If you're new read this or you might be huffed.

• Help Portal and All About Uncyclopedia

Information for new visitors to the site.

• Vanity Policies

We don't care how awesome you or your buddies are.

• How To Get Started Editing Uncyclopedia

Some helpful tips.

• List of Admins
• Mediawiki Formatting Guide

If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers!

[edit] Great Work

ENeGMA has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

I too would like to congratulate you on your excellent, excellent audio work, specifically Protect and Survive. It simply exudes talent and competence, though perhaps you should see a doctor about that. Keep up the good work. --Sir ENeGMA (talk) GUN WotM PLS 00:28, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

I second that. —Braydie 00:30, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

LOVE the audio work. LOVE EM LOVE EM ^^ RZ 06:12, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

Thanks, Guys! --Xylitol 22:06, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Porchesia

Hya, loved your audios and was wondering If you have the time and the energy take a look at the article and see if you'd like to prepare an audio version of it...? ~ 09:34, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

Hey, this a good article. Go Go Gadget Microphone! Xylitol 21:22, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

About pronouncing the name - hell if I know - the whole place is made up :) ~ 22:13, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

“Porchesia....famous for its Porches made of cheese”

~ Fred, on Porchesia

Haha! That might help. Xylitol 22:22, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

BTW, if you don't mind me asking - which audio software/mike are you using? Your recordings have great sound quality...~ 22:24, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

I use a Samson USB multi-pattern condenser microphone with Sony Sound Forge 8.0. ...and my pop filter is a pair of pantyhose wrapped around a coat hanger. Xylitol 22:32, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Unchainsawed Melody

Thanks for audiofying my article. I just need to figure out how to get my headphones working as a cheap crappy microphone, and then I can be half as good as you :)

Can you really do that with headphones? Whoa, good luck. Xylitol 21:35, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Criticism

You're stealing my spotlight. Stop doing that. --General Insineratehymn 23:22, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

I am such a whore. Xylitol 01:02, 8 March 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Wow and stuff

Great work, really impressive audio... I guess you are going to have a lot of these, but can I put in a request? I have a section in UnBooks:Choose Your Own Adventure that is just crying out for a soundtrack... no words, just the sounds - or an approximation of the soundtrack for the first paragraph here. Are you interested? Thanks -- sannse esnnas 22:25, 9 March 2007 (UTC)

Sorry, but something has come up I'm going to have to lay low for a while. Bit of a personal thing, I'm afraid. Xylitol 13:05, 10 March 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Thanks!

	Welcome to the Chaingang from El Zoof! Now go cut your head off - safely!
	Thanks for voting for HowTo:Cut Your Own Head Off With a Chainsaw

And an extra big thanks to you for the audio, which pushed it well and truly over the line. Bravo, sir!

--El Zoof 10:18, 10 March 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Wa-hey! Free Food!

Shalom! Yum! You've received a basket of delicious fresh bagels from RabbiTechno! Lekhaim! מזל טוב

RabbiTechno 11:26, 29 March 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Sampling?

Can I please have your permission to sample your Chainsaw_Suicide mp3? Kudos to your work :) --Squidmate 18:54, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

I'm afraid our friend here hasn't been active for a long time. ~ 19:17, 26 November 2008 (UTC)