Ussher
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James Ussher (1581-1656), Archbishop of Armagh, and Primate of all Ireland, was an important figure in the history of Anglicanism, and one of the most learned men of the early 17th century. He is noted for his contributions to numerous areas of theology, but is now chiefly remembered for his work as a biblical chronologist, and is widely credited with settling the dispute over the age of the universe.
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[edit] History
In 1650, Ussher was really bored. His boss (John Lightfoot, Vice-Chancellor of Cambridge University) made him take time off each year so he couldn't save it all up and have a decent holiday once every few years. He'd already whacked off that morning, and was left with an overwhelming feeling of not knowing what to do next.
A Bible lying on the floor caught his eye. As is the way on these kind of days, he began flicking through it (he'd already read all the articles in his porn magazines, you see). He happened to flick to a page so mind-bogglingly boring that no-one had ever lingered on it for more than 20 microseconds. For some reason, lost in the haze of time, he read it. The general gist went something like this;
| Adam lived a ridiculously long time then begat Seth Seth lived a ridiculously long time then begat Enos |
Adding up all the "ridiculously"s lead to the inescapable conclusion that the world, nay, the universe was created in 4004 BC! After years of further investigation, Ussher determined that the world was created on September 20, 4004 b.c. at 6:00 pm exactly (October 22nd by the Old Style calendar).
Ushher lept out of his bath, and ran through town shouting "Eureka!" like a fucktard. His sound scientific conclusion has withstood rigorous testing since, and it is now taught to all children during their schooling.
[edit] Implications
Ushsser's theory/fact overthrew the idea that the universe was created in kind of large explosion of space itself ca. 13,699,999,642 years ago (adjusted to 2008 from 1650). This didn't allow enough time for two widely held beliefs of the time (biology's evolution and geology's gradualism) to occur.
[edit] Evolution
Prior to Usshher's discovery, evolution had been the leading theory for the creation of the diverse range of life observed on Earth. This was described as "change in the genetic composition of a population during successive generations". However, the time constraint unearthed by Ushsher James did not allow enough generations to pass for this theory to be true. With this theory overthrown, a new scientific theory known as creationism was proposed.
[edit] Gradualism
Geologists pre-1650 believed that contemporary landforms were the products of observable phenomena occurring over immense periods of time. Unfortunately for them, their beliefs were wrong, as the earth had only been in existence for 5,654 years. Their theory was replaced by the theory of catastrophism - the theory that landforms had been created violently by an intelligent being (or intelligently by a violent being) 5,654 years ago and then violently rearranged by a global flood exactly 1655 years later.
