VJTI
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Contents |
[edit] Vision
The year, 1887, The sale of alcohol by the East India Company is dropping in India. The viceroy is getting pissed. Queen Victoria sends a telegram, "Start an engineering college, take away half the industrial revolution junk.". This effectively doubles alcohol sales within a month and also forms a new industry which will be known as Pr0n in the future. Now we are just involved in active deforestation and hookah.
[edit] Quotes
“I think I'll become gay in four years”
~ FE student on the first day of college
“Oh FUCK...aha I knew it!”
~ Average Male on Campus (on seeing the back and then the front of another non male
“Lets keep Himesh as the theme of the party! Guys with caps and beards, girls in burkhas”
~ An overenthused SE -
“Yeah I think i created it, but its so long ago i don't remember”
~ God on VJTI
“I'm so hot!”
~ Average non male on campus
“Well the guys aren't greek gods either”
~ Captain Obvious on VJTI
“Once the gones, the gones!”
~ You know who must not be named
“You are the late , You are a right!”
~ You know who must not be named
| Victoria Jubilee Technological Institute | |
| |
| {{{caption}}} | |
| Motto | De Caelo Missus, Ad Infernum Tentus (We didn't get into IIT, but we still think we're God)
'Aamchi aai tumchi aai, TV dekhti hai...Do not disturb!!' |
| Established | 3000 AD. Its dropped out of the space time continuim because the faculty sucks so much. |
| {{{image_map}}} | |
| School type | Dictatorship|Ram Bharose |
| President | Dude with really long name and weird hair |
| Location | Bomb-bay, Maharashtra, India |
| Campus | Built on Prison Land, which was earlier a cemetary. |
| Enrollment | {{{enrolled}}}, {{{graduates}}} |
| Endowment | Unofficially :A stapler and a security guard. |
| Faculty | More than I want.. |
| Mascot | Mogambo |
[edit] Study or lack thereof
VJTI has a faculty which is mostly based on paper, in more ways than one. They are famous for issuing famous statements like "You need not attend lectures, but 85% attendance is compulsory" to a large round of "kya baat hai".
The average graduate from VJTI excels in clerical work, copying things written in xeroxes and printouts comes naturally to him. It is estimated that an average VJTI student writes 2 truckloads of assignments on journal sheets. Since papers is made from trees which have been killed, quite a lot of trees fall in line to be written upon by the greatest non thinkers of the time. When he leaves the institute, of the 2 truckloads, only 2 of the papers were actually written by him.
At the end of the semester in accordance with ancient rituals, the weight of journals is checked to meet subject requirements. It is estimated that half the rainforests remaining in the world are cut down to provide paper for such intellectual activities.
In the now, New and Improved! Autonomous VJTI, the syllabus is fixed making sure the student learns absolutely nothing of consequence. However at the end of four years, the average engineer is trained well in all forms of proxying, bunking, forging and all sorts of illicit activities. However he stays under the delusion that he actually slogged to get his degree, while studies conducted by students of the Electrical Department during their free time, show that a ape who can't distinguish between a banana and a fish, could pass a second semester exam in VJTI. Also known by every male student is the location of every cricket, football and basketball grounds in the surrounding Five Gardens where more time is spent than in lectures.
Lectures, whenever held are a sordid affair. The 'teacher' rattles on showing his/her incompetence in front of a large crowd. Who said people don't like to embarrass themselves? Certain smarter teachers don't turn up for the lectures at all and thus are bigger defaulters than the students themselves. However such satans try to make up for their lack of presence in lectures by putting students through undue 'assignments' and 'journals' at the end of the semester i.e. 2 days before the exams, in the canteen, right below the notice prohibiting any class work in the canteen.
VJTI and other similar institutes (read UICT and Khalsa College) run the parallel economy around the college, namely the 56 Xerox Shops, 34 Chai Wallas, Mhatres and for every overachieving geek, about 2349 Counter Strike Parlours. For the more Bevda types there is Koolars and for those with really deep pockets, CCD.
Lecture Summary:
Time alloted per lecture: 60mins
Teacher enter: 10mins late
Attendence: 10 mins
OMR / Slides: 5 mins
Tryin to make us understand: 10 mins
Giving it up and giving us a lecture on y we should self study: 10 mins
Asking student to shut the f*** up: 5 mins
Leaving student early : 10 mins
[edit] Infrastructure or lack thereof
VJTI was formed way back in 1888 something to dispose off old relics from British Museums which were overflowing with stuff from the Industrial Revolution. It was the idea of Queen Victoria to clean out Industrial Junk from all of London and dumping it in 16 acres of Bombay City, and calling it a college. Today it is the premier technological institute of Maharashtra state, which means its nerd central, with the most alive societies being the GA (Geeks Association) , ACE (Association of Computer Enthusiasts) and FBI (First Benchers Incorporative). These societies meet once a week and discuss the good old days when they topped the board exams and how much they suck at engineering.
The hottest things on campus are said to be the 7 battle tanks from world war 2, which have the most advanced technology in the entire campus. They have been stripped off the engine and do not possess any ability to shoot stuff anymore. Any attempts to get into the whole world war 2 groove however sets the watchmen into a frenzy and he runs after you for half the campus blowing a whistle calling for backup.
Worth mention are the toilets which stink worst than the guy's armpit your nose travels in, in the second class compartment of the WR at rush hour. They are however poured with 3 years worth of phenyl when the NAAC chaps come along. The water coolers oddly seem to work perfectly well, which has prompted speculations that this is a large scale urine testing experiment being held by the weird pharma people across the road.
VJTI falls midway through a cycle today, with new equipment being bought by IIT Bombay, passed along to VJTI when its old (refer pile of benches in the Textile Hall) and donated to any ITI when its almost breaking apart (refer old lathes and half our faculty). Its worth noting that the use of such equipment actually increases with change of hands. However as of late, the college has got 20 crore Rupees from the World Bank, because the HOD of the Electrical Department and a "certain" World Bank Official were drinking buddies. With this money, the college now has a new director whom we bought from, (yes you guessed it right) IIT Bombay. The director spent half of the 20 crores on buying himself a new car and plotting to keep it forever, but was caught midway through, because the Times of India didn't like his haircut.
The hostels were a prison earlier, before one of the toilets burst and they decided that it was too dangerous to house inmates there. The food makers (for lack of better words) are relics of the prison days and are just as menacing.
Another major landmark here is the BEE lab which dates back to the Harappa civilization or even before it (its origins are unknown and the exact era of creation is still being debated by archeologists). Found in this lab are 2 tons of spiderwebs along with 40 varieties of spiders, cockroaches and all things crawly along with the remains of the second world war which are commonly referred to as lab apparatus by the FEs and the lab assistants (read Mtech students). The building housing these defy the laws of gravity by doing so and are the subject of research of many structural engineering students, who spend half their life doing amusing things like measuring distances in the quadrangle.
[edit] Faculty or lack thereof
In the mechanical engineering departments are kept relics older than the tanks near the main gate. Such faculty members are often over qualified and under paid, a deadly combination. These are known to take revenge on their students by screwing their lives with assignments, submissions (now you know why they are called submissions). These sadistic trolls are known to tear drawing sheets into pieces tinier than their brains, on a Monday morning. The situation in departments like Comps and IT is very contrasting. It has been a hot topic of research and wonder that how these departments have survived through the past 10 years or so without any sort of teaching faculty. The students of these departments claim that 'some MTech people' come and 'teach' us 'sometimes', although this has so far been mere speculation and there is no actual proof that these departments have any kind of teaching faculty. Yet, it is but a marvel that they end up with the best grades at the end of every semester, which also contain the rather unachievable and Godly perfect 10. How these inhuman toppers survive the wrath of their fellow classmates has been a long sought after mystery. (one closest explanation being that every one of them dreams to be in that very inhuman situation, thus dread the same wrath being returned to them someday.)
[edit] Place or lack thereof
You'd think 16 acres of land would be enough for a bunch of classroooms. This esteemed institute doesn't seem to have enought place for the undergraduate Computer Engg and IT students though. This MIGHT just be because those "people" (for the lack of a better word) wouldn't mind studying out on the lawn anyways (except for the bit where it might affect their perfectly preserved complexions from being inside the comp lab half the day "orkutting")
[edit] Social Situation
Or lack thereof :D
[edit] Research
VJTI is well known worldwide for fundamental research. Most people in the college are still wondering what they're doing there, which is a fairly fundamental question. Other puzzling aspects of the human personality which can be studied include procrastination, extreme depression, swearing under tension and skewed sexual tendencies. Also in the state of the art labs, there are thousands of products being designed every year and patented, such as the 1x1 Rubiks Cube, the Ultimate Xerox Machine (It KNOWS what you want to xerox! Includes tonnes of in built pr0n (and a few SOM assignments just in case) free! Buy NOW, CALL GEEK-HOT-LINE Now and get a Free SIM card to blow up your favourite building or international airport with!)
[edit] Animal Situation
Its a jungle out there! With professors who look like dogs to dogs who sleep in lectures to cats with bow-ties who attend seminars on Structural Engineering.
[edit] Formative Years
Diploma students (of the impressionable age of 15) attend every lecture and every practical. Half days end at 5 or thereabouts as far as they're concerned. You'd think those poor suckers coming in after having slogged their asses off on the entrances would have the sense to take it easy. Apparently not. Come rain, come shine, they shall be found attending every possible class. This includes attending practicals (comps no less) when it has been declared an official holiday. Sometimes this state lasts more than a year and the person afflicted of this disease does dances every time a teacher turns up. The face sort of lights up.. its that inner glow..
[edit] Random Facts
The Female to Male ratio among Engineers is approximately 1:e^88 which contributes to their dwindling numbers in the wild. It is a common misconception that there are no female engineers. This is not the case. They simply look so alike as to be utterly indistinguishable. It's the beards. Sometimes engineers become gay and ask out another guy, after which they can be seen running behind each other on the terrace of the electronics department. In the rare event of the presence of a new "female" engineer-to-be, said e^88 males will be in attendance, preferably pushing said female into corner (or onto Hooper's Basketball Court) and willing to suffer blows by a 10 tonne hammer to woo her. In certain cases we find a moderate 50:1 male:female ratio - the males explaining the finer points of (internal?) plumbing and the 'female' swooning due to all the attention.
