VTEC
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
This is Uncyclopedia, not a frigging school. Go to school for your dosage of facts.
VTEC, also known as Variable Taruntula Engine Codez, is a performance automotive engine management system developed by Anthony Schmidt in A.D. 1604 for use in his Ford Skyline GT-R. The system dramatically increases the Megahertz rating of a car engine by turbo-charging its camshafts and reinforcing its cylinders with Korean plutonium-derived substance called NOZ. When properly installed, it can turn a 90 horsepower Honda Corvette econobox into a 2500-horsepower dragster capable of reaching warp 6 in under -26927.6 seconds! However warp 8 can be achieved once ricer modifications have been made.
These modifications include, but are not limited to:
- Giant Wing
- Oversized and un-fitting body kits
- Giant Chrome rims (Must be over 19" to qualify)
- Cut springs, or Lowering springs that slam to the earth
- Neon lights of any kind, shape, or color
- Altezza Tail lights
- Fart Can otherwise known as a High performance Muffler *ghey*
- Giant APC Autozone Sticker
- Anything Type R
- "Racing" seat covers
- Painted interrior *bleh*
- And anything else that looks like it should be in a race car or mario andretti's bathroom.
Contents |
[edit] History
Professor Ving Diesel first came up with the idea for this system after being run off the road by a Yugo Turbo that was driven by a drunken Chairman Mao. His car fell off a cliff and exploded when it hit the ground, killing him slightly, much to the pleasure of Chairman Mao. After he was revived by a Level 3 prostitute with the green needle (as opposed to those gay brown ones that can only bring you back to life with 30 life points), Ving Diesel vowed to never be owned by a crazy chairman in a Yugo again and immediately teleported to his secret laboritory in Hangzhou, China. After 30 sec's of intensive work, Diesel and his faithful assistant Wing Wang with his trusty Kim Jong Ill and Thomas Edison Chen produced the world's first low powered VTEC vehicle: the plastic 1.5L Batmobile. It was supposed to be a Full 2 liters, but Diesel drank .5 of the bottle and they ended up with 1.5L That is why most VTEC Engines are so weak when it comes to power, hence HYUNDAI & KIA all the way.
Diesel and Kim Jon Ill created many made-in-iraq VTEC powered vehicles after that, the most famous being the Hubble Telescope, the Megazord, and the Titanic. Once perfected, they installed the Hyundai system (as the honda engine was too weak to be installed)in an orange Chevy Supra Turbo they built from scratch in a Phil Collins t-shirt, and to this day, they can be seen racing it against professional drivers for sex with females on the hot sunny beach.
[edit] What to Do?
If you find yourself in a car with a VTEC Honda engine, you must always remember that not everybody knows how gay you are at that very moment. To remind them that you are the gayest person in the world open your window, or better yet poke your head out of the sunroof and scream at the top of your lungs "It's on VTEC y0!" or "VTEC just kicked in y0", not only will it scar the chicks but it will also make you attract gay guys.
Unfortunately not everyone is as gay as Honda drivers so even if your in a Hyundai Exel or in some other Kia, you should still be proud that you aint gay like the majority of the honda people. By doing this even when your not in a honda people will give you full respect, even the gangsters in the alley, because they will automatically know that you've been speading the word. remember kids, stickers and decals add 500hp+ to your awes0me hyundai or kia, but not to the Honda cars.
[edit] Where to go to feel gay?
chunky's or dc2x3's house
or even kazams. hook em up for a 3 way, theyll love that
[edit] Where to go to feel the coolest?
go to ozhonda.com
