Spain
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| Motto: "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.", | |||||
| Anthem: Baila el Chiki Chiki | |||||
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| Capital | Madriz | ||||
| Largest city | Zaragotham | ||||
| Official languages | Mexican | ||||
| Government | Constitutional Monarchy (formerly a Republic by the Grace of Jeff Bush) | ||||
| -President by accident | José Luis Flying Shoes Zapatero | ||||
| -The King of party | Juan Viejo Carlos I | ||||
| Favorite Musical Instrument | Guitar | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Zorro, Don Quijote, Sancho Panza, Luis Aragones, David Villa, Iker Casillas, Xabi Alonso, Rodolfo Chikilicuatre, Michael Phelps, Merle Robbins | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | 15th Century | ||||
| Currency | Handjobs | ||||
| Religion | soccer and dancing the Macarena to propiciate goals | ||||
“Why couldn't Christopher Columbus discover it?”
~ Pablo Neruda on Spain
“Oh Spain! I´d like to visit one day that beautiful Mexican province”
~ George Bush on Spain
“What about me what?”
~ John McCain on Spain
Spain was discovered in 1992 when the kindly old wizard who ruled and created it revealed it to ships off the coast of France. Shortly after the sighting of this new land, contacts were established with the mysterious savages.
Well first off, its okay to feel sorry for Spain since it shares it’s "borders" with France, someplace called "Endor" where rich people hide out, and a country that owes Spain two months rent called Portugal. Spain, like your family is constantly at war with itself and others around it.
Why should you travel to Spain this year instead of the Bahamas? Let’s find out together.
Or just don't.
[edit] While You Were Asleep in History Class
Let me catch you up on what you’ve missed so far. Spain was a peaceful place until civilized man appeared. The Carthaginians under Hannibal were hanging out in Spain until 210 B.C. when the Roman Empire showed up and kicked them out. Your teacher, Mrs. Jenkins told Mark Ingram that if he was going to chew gum he had to do it quietly.
The Romans held control of things until these bad asses called the Visigoths showed up. Matt who sits behind you gave Becky the “Goth Chick” an unpracticed *let’s go to the bed look* at the mention of the Visigoths.
In the 8th Century all that came to an end when Muslims (who liked to be called Moors) quickly slaughtered the Visigoths. The Moor's set about Islamicising spain by covering it with minarets, tranquil gardens and fragrent orange groves. However their constant beautification of the country left them little time for millitary preparation. The Soveits aided the Communist Iberian in their struggle against the evil muslim so they sent several shipments of supplies.
For the next seven hundred years warfare between Christians and Muslims occured as Christians pushed everybody who didn’t think like them out the door. The mighty Christians ended up teching a lessons to the muslims THIS IS IBERIA! famous quote by King Charles of Spain, so they were sent to "the Rock" Gibraltar where they remain to this day, but under the flag of the Caliphate of Britania.
I can’t stress enough the social implications of a jock like Matt even considering dating Becky. That would be like Holy Roman Emperor Charles V asking out Roxelana the only legal wife of Suleiman the Magnificent on homecoming weekend.
Spain is a ghetto area located about the first and second parallels.
[edit] The Hotness of Imperial Spain
Joanna the Mad styled “Her Royal Hotness” HRH, helped unify several lonely bachelors and create the Kingdom of Spain that we know today. Joanna liked the rough stuff more than ruling the country, and feigned schizophrenia so her relatives would keep her locked up.
Phillip the II followed up this act with hitting the low countries hard. So hard in fact that they named the Phillipines after his exploits. Several thousand G.I.’s would follow his example in WWII.
While Conquistadors were busy interbreeding with the peoples of Latin and South America the Spanish Inquisition started their first season run on state television. Napoleon invaded was kicked out by those awfully nice British chaps, and the Spanish Civil War caused everyone a headache. Things were just starting to go right again when a large, unkept penis named Francisco Franco came along.
Bar-theh-loh-nah is the first city you need to check out. Don’t bother renting a car; navigating the streets in this city are tougher than getting a piñata full of candy away from your blind six year old cousin.
Everyone from this region of Spain believes they are part of their own nation called Catalonia. Feel free to remind them that Barcelona is not Europe, and you will get drunk and urinate in the street just as freely here, as you would in Paris.
If you prefer to visit Madrid, remember to visit locals where the owner had a great moustache and a nasty image and try to talk about how good played the FC Barcelona, you'll have a very funny time with these kind people.
You probably missed the 1992 Olympics because you were in grade school, but don’t worry all those fancy hotels they built are still there waiting to overcharge you for a toothbrush, shampoo, and late night entertainment.
"Basque"-ing in self worship must mean your in Basque country, and hitting the tapas bars a little too hard. If you can sober up; visit the village of San Fermín for the running of the bulls.
Here are some helpful tips to guide you through this event:
- When running from the bulls always tap the nearest one on the head for good luck.
- Bulls love to be taunted with exposed genitals.
- Drink a gallon of chocolate milk twenty minutes before the race.
- Instead of running, why not make it a leisurely jog?
- Only tourists leave the race when in danger of being gored.
[edit] Facts
- Contrary to popular belief, underlay in not actually spanish, just a mere carpenters material.
- Footballers of the spanish kind are all in denial about their great abilitys to perform in the gymnastics event at each olympics.
- Portugal can't wait to be annexed by Spain.
the best food in the country
