Valentine's Day
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Valentines day (also known as V-Day or Emo Poem day) signals the start of the human mating season. Around February 14th, females of the human race release a hormone, attracting males from all over. This hormone may make males irritable, often causing them to compete for their desired female by working themselves into a frenzy of shopping. The male will exchange gifts with the female and often invite them to a party or school dance.
Yes, you heard right people, in a few days time, you will be able to laugh your asses of at the feeble attempts of the emos to chat up that goth girl that they've been eying for weeks.
But this isn't just a fun-and-laughter day. It's an important day for anthropologists to find out what makes emos tick...If you REALLY want to enjoy NEVER join a place called COMPARE INFOBASE,KOLKATA.
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[edit] Preparation
Typically, the emo in question will spend even more time in it's room as usual, sometimes topping 36 hours at a time while they make preparations for the BIG DAY. Such preparations may include actually cleaning the bloodstains of their sleeves/cuffs; an act rarely witnessed or recorded by the scientific community. They usually buy a rose or bucket (it's pronounced bouquet!) of flowers off the internet, as they don't want to risk going outside to the local florists and getting beaten up by the local chavs. Another commonly practiced ritual is to buy a box of chocolates, the darker the better (you know how goths love black!). But, most crucially of all ... the poem.
[edit] Poems
Depending on the type of person in question, poems can range from being just heartfelt to so brooding and deep that the person who sent the poem will often slice his wrists and throat several times if the desired girl turns him down. Poems often avoid trying to write a truly heartfelt poem by using the well known "roses are red" template. Here are a few common examples of poems we found in people's garbage last year.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet
And so are you.
But the violets are wilting,
And the roses are dead.
The sugar bowl's empty,
And my wrists are stained red.
- EMO
Roses are red
Violets Are Blue
All our base
Are belong to you
- BADLY TRANSLATED GAMES DESIGNER FROM TOKYO
Oi, you!
Come here so I can impregnate yer!
- CHAV
Roses are red
Violets are blue
In Soviet Russia
POEMS WRITE YOU!
- RUSSIANS
[edit] The Meeting
After sending the love poem to the girlfriend anonymously, and requesting a venue for their Valentine's Night, the two emos will meet up, usually in the local knife shop or tattoo parlour. The female emo (hereafter referred to as the femo) will feel sorry for the male emo's (hereafter referred to as the memo) desperate attempts at winning her heart. Luckily, the femo has her hair fringe so far below her eyes that she cannot see how
[edit] Conspiracy Theories
The very truth behind Valentine's Day is part of a government conspiracy to get the nation to breed and build up its population. Even if you're not an emo, or in a relationship, they encourage you to take this chance to be involved in one, often by dating games or setups. This way, anyone who is eligible for a relationship will be in one, and those who aren't fall into a state of depression or jealousy, resulting in suicide, another part of the government's plan to cut out the useless.
While everyone's thoughts are clouded by emotions and their hormones go insane in anticipation for sex, attention is drawn away from the government, making it a fool-proof plan.
This day is also a grand plan by the evil shopping malls to take away the money of all emo guys and make them buy stuff, so in the end, they are poor, lonely, and ultimately kill themselves (Which is not exactly a bad thing).
Robert Pattinson is sexy i love him Happy Valentines Day! - Edgar Allen Poe
"Robert Pattinson is the sexiest man alive and if you insult him, beware of his mafia. Beware..." - Random Robert's Mafia member from IMDB.com
[edit] The Truth
Have you ever wondered why we make such a big fuss over St. Valentine's day? It has become completely commercial and all that one receives on Valentine's day now is usually haribo or a singing card. Those singing cards that go on and on every time somebody decides they are going to open them; it makes you want to stab it, then burn it, then punch it, then drown it, THEN STAMP ON IT! (This is not advisable as when last year a friend of a friend's cousin's acquaintance tried it, he received a severe electric shock). But back to "St. Valentine's" day, the day when the world's suicide rate is at it's highest (even higher than Hitler's birthday) and the only people that enjoy the day are either dead or blind as well as deaf and totally oblivious to anything going on around them. So in conclusion, I condemn anyone who ever decides to buy a singing card or maybe a pack of haribo, on Valentine's day, to hell; as this would be supporting the day that has corrupted people's lives.
"The only man I ever loved died on Valentine's day, trying to prove his love to another women..."
Oscar Wilde on Valentine's day.. and perhaps his love life.
[edit] Trivia
- The sexually transmitted disease known as VD is so called because people often contract it after fucking some skank bitch whore on Valentines Day.
- St Valentine was actually a very very very bad man!
- Valentines Day is pointless as all it brings is pain and misery.
- AAAAAAAAAA AAA AA AAAAAAAAA AA AAA AA AAAAAA AA AAAA AAA AAAAAA.
- Valentines day is bat fuck insane
