Valeria Mazza
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“Is that your real color, dear?”
~ Mirtha Legrand on Valeria Mazza
“It's too soon for me to speak about that.”
~ Vladimir Putin on Valeria Mazza
“Fucking BITCH! I'm gonna beat her up one of these days.”
~ Naomi Campbell on Valeria Mazza
Valeria Mazza (b. 1972 in Rosario) is Argentina's only known natural blonde. While this alone makes her notable, Mazza is also famous worldwide as a top foot model. Her feet have appeared twice in the cover of Vanity Fair (left foot in January 1995, right foot in May 1998). Her career has been on the downside since the early 2000s, which has led friends to suggest that she convert to Scientology.
Little Valeria was initiated in the world of fashion at the age of 3 by her abusive mother, as a way to supplement her income after her husband left the family, tired of being cheated on. Though at first Valeria went unnoticed amid the throngs of dyed blondes, her naturally golden tresses and her early rejection of forced vomiting soon turned her into the enfant terrible of the industry.
At 19, a group of Raelians abducted Mazza and attempted to clone her, but she broke free and exacted a truly horrific revenge (described by eyewitnesses as "just like the hot Martian chick in Species"). She has since then harbored a deep mistrust for people with shiny clothes, helmets and Greys.
Mazza was briefly married to Mr. T in the summer of 2000. They parted ways amicably after a couple of discussions motivated by Valeria's love of toy planes. She has remained single since then, but she is known to have had one-night stands with Chuck Norris, Jenna Bush, Shakira, Chuck Norris (again), and Vladimir Putin (whom she described as "devastatingly hot, but, like, so creepy").
