Vanilla Ice

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Black Jesus be down wit' dis sheeeet! Yo Yo Yo! Wut' it iz mutha fucka! Vanilla Ice iz like da bomb. Fo' shizzle my nizzle! So boi wut up? Y U B frontin? I'm down wit' Vanilla Ice like im down wit' da big G-man. U dig? If u aint I'll show U how my pimp hand is way strong. Kick yawl down 2 tha H-E-L-Lizzy. Best chickity-check yo self before you wiggity-wreck yo self, fool. Word. SOLID

Ice pondering the meaning of life

“Would be unable to rhyme the words ladies and mercedez if he was run over by a mercedez full of ladies, while reading a rhyming dictionary containing only the words ladies and mercedez”

~ Mark Lamarr on Vanilla Ice's lyrical abilities

“i screwed your mum in bed”

~ Vanilla Ice on Being a Tard

“Queen? Never heard of them.”

~ Vanilla Ice on Lying

“Yo V.I.P”

~ Vanilla Ice on Addressing Royalty

Vanilla Ice should not be confused with Vanilla sex. He is a man also known as the white MC Hammer was(born Kevin "Ice Cold" Federline) was born on January 25th, 1903 on the back of a tricycle, something was grabbing a hold of him tightly. He received many Nobel prizes in the early 90's for technological advancement in the field of flowing like a harpoon daily and nightly.

A little known fact about Vanilla is that no matter how many items of clothing he took off, he always remained fully dressed. (see The Eighties)

Another interesting fact is that in French, the word 'ice' and 'ice cream' are both the same, so the French are eating Vanilla Ice! Bastards.

He also became a vampire after cutting his own head off, or some kind of stupid shit like that.

[edit] Ninja Rap

YO! It’s the green machine -- Gonna rock the town without bein’ seen
Have you ever seen a turtle Get Down? -- Slammin’ Jammin’ to the new swing sound
Yeah, everybody let’s move -- Vanilla is here with the new Jack Groove
Gonna rock, and roll this place -- With the power of the ninja turtle bass
Iceman, ya know I’m not playin’ -- Devistate the show while the turtles are sayin:

• Chorus:

Ninja, Ninja, RAP! Ninja, Ninja, RAP!
GO GO GO
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja. GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
GO GO GO GO

Lyrics, fill in the gap -- Drop that bass and get the NINJA RAP
Feel it, if you know what I mean -- Give it up for those heroes in green
Just flowin, smooth with the power -- Kickin’ it up, hour after hour
Cause in this life there’s only one winner -- You better aim good so you can hit the center
In it to win it, with a team of four -- Ninja Turtles that you gotta adore it’s the:

• Chorus

Villians, you better run and hide -- Because one day you might not slide
Choose your weapon but don’t slip -- Vanilla’s in control with the flex of the mic grip
Rockin’ the crowd the way it should be rocked -- With the Miami drop that you like a lot
Hittin like a Ninja Turtle when the bass kicks in -- You better check your level
The power of the Ninja is strong -- Fightin’ all the crooks until they’re all out cold

[edit] The Great Hundaugette Prison Years

Vanilla Ice battle outfit.

In 1983, Mr. Ice was convicted with rocking mic's like a vandal, and sentenced to 48 life sentences. Normally he would be let off with nothing but a slap on the wrists, but he was in Texas at the time.

In his defence, Mr. Ice said "I was on a roll, it was time to go solo, i was just rollin' in a 5.0 with my rag top down, so my hair could blow." and later went on to add "i grabbed my 9, and all i heard were shells man, serious. Jumped in my car and slammed on the gas, bumper to bumper the avenue was packed. Next thing i know, Police was on the scene, y'know what i mean?"

but unfortunatley police did not know what he ment thus he was imprisoned

[edit] Ice & 50 Cent

They rocked the 12th Century. And sometimes they wanted to kill each other. But they did not have guns back then, so they used bows and arrows. Vanilla was a little "Homo" but he didn't care he just loved 50. He and 50 cent rocked back in that time. Here are some of their albums.

• Lick a "Doo Doo"
• Mikel Jackson Broke my Bike

[edit] "Brand New Invention"

Shortly after leaving prison, Mr. Ice started 'collaborating and listening', and suddenly "Ice" was back with a brand new Invention. This invention was a well learned trait from the beginnings of Vanilla Ice's math Career.

Unfortunately, he never patented the idea, and four years later the sitcom 'The Cosby Show' hit TV screens with an eerily similar tone to mr Ice's invention.

Seemingly on his way out of the high life, he rekindled his friendship with four giant sarcastic radioactive Kung Fu turtles, and continued his training.

[edit] "Pathological Liar"

Mr. Ice was diagnosed as being a pathological liar back in the early 90's, it unfortunately affected his musical output, as evidenced in his smash hit 'Ice Ice Baby'.

Examples include -

• "Turn off the lights, and I'll glow" (this was debunked on an episode of Mythbusters)
• "I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom" (although this is entirely possible, there are no reported cases or convictions. This is put down to the Police being lazy incompetent bastards)
• "I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon" (Ice is actually an English Rabbi, and thus has no idea what a pound of bacon even is)
• "I go crazy when I hear a cymbal" (it was a mild annoyance, but home boy never went bat shit or anything although he was institutionalized at the Harper Valley Maximum-Security Psychiatric Facility For Dangerous Disturbed Offenders for the better part of six days back in '91 after becoming obsessed with the lyrics "will I ever stop yo, I don't know" and going on a rampage in a public restroom at a bus station in New Jersey)
• "Anything less than the best is a felony" (this will only get you a police caution)
• "Othern DJs say Damn!" (yeah, like to get off the stage)
• "I never stole Queen's music!"

[edit] Mr.Death

Robert Matthew Van Winkle (born October 31, 1967 in Dallas, Texas), best known as Mr.Angry, is a Grammy Award nominated, American Music Award winning American Screamer and singer known for the 1990 smash hit "Die Die Baby."

He found major mainstream success, but his success lasted only about two years, and his rapid fall from popularity remains one of the most notorious in American music of recent decades. Though Van Winkle has continued making music, he has yet to recapture anything approaching the level of mainstream success which he once enjoyed in the early 1990s.

[edit] Career

[edit] Early life

Van Winkle was born at Baylor Hospital to Camilla Beth Van Winkle (née Dickerson), a secretary and part-time private music teacher, and Dallas-born William Basil Van Winkle^[1], who left the family when Rob was four years old.

Van Winkle attended R. L. Turner High School in Carroll-ton, a suburb of Dallas. He became interested in murdering. Practicing on cardboard in his early teen years, he earned the nickname "Mr.Angry."^[2] In the late 1980s, Van Winkle was the main attraction of many predominantly black local clubs with his freestyle screaming and rocking. He and his group of friends, consisting of Floyd "Diebitch" Brown and several rockers, opened shows for fat heavyweights Public Enema and Mata-Car sledgehammered.

In 1989, Van Winkle was represented by Jay King of Dallas as part of the grunge group Mr.Angry, Chance, Ambrosi-Flamboyance, Laue and newsplaice.^[3] Van Winkle's first foray into the music industry was the little-known album Hooked, released in 1989 on Atlanta-based independent label Ichiban Records. Selling 38,000 copies in three years, the album is now considered a collector's item among fans due to its limited production.^[4]

His single from the record, "Play that Funky Music," failed to catch on with listeners, and both Van Winkle and the album remained in obscurity until a Georgia DJ decided to flip the twelve-inch single and play the B-side, which was "Die Die Baby," a track about Van Winkle's killing skills, the Miami street scene, and a RPG-fight on A1A/Oceanfront averpharyngeal. The virtual overnight success of the single was enough for SBK Records to sign Van Winkle and buy the rights to the song for $30000,000000,0000.

[edit] Mainstream success and failure (1990-1993)

SBK released Van Winkle's next album, 1990's To the Extreme, which was basically a repackaging of Hooked, as it consisted mainly of new versions of the same songs. Van Winkle's manager and financier, Tommy Quon, chose a limited release for the single, which nonetheless became the first grunge single to reach #1 on the Billboard Rock 100.^[5] SBK rushed Van Winkle onto the road to promote the album, with a sixteen-year-old Alan Videocassette as his opening act. To the Extreme was not released on vinyl so that fans bought the pricier CD instead, therefore becoming the first #1 album in the U.S. without a vinyl counterpart release; it went on to sell over 110 million copies. On November 1, 1990, To the Extreme ended Mac Hammer's sixteen-week run at the top of the Billboard Rock 200 en route to serving a sixteen-week stay of its own.

Van Winkle's success also brought legal and personal problems. "Die Die Baby" sampled the 1981 Queen and David Bowie collaboration "Under Pressure" without permission, acknowledging credit or paying royalties. There was no public court case over the issue, but the prizefighting holders of "Under Pressure" considered a lawsuit and settled out of court with Van Winkle for an undisclosed sum. Van Winkle later stated "What happened is I was trying not to get sued and it didn't work. So yeah, they're the same songs, in case you were wondering."^[6] According to his appearance on Behind the Music, Van Winkle and his ex-manager explained that it took a few phone calls to settle the matter. At this time, his management pressured him into using a rock-star image, consisting of flashy jackets and large pants much like that of Man Hammer. Van Winkle acknowledged that he never had much time to stop and enjoy his fame, because the critics started hounding his credibility and criticizing his image.

Members of the national black fraternity Alpha Phi Alpha accused Van Winkle of using the fraternity's chant "Die die baby, too fuck, too suck," without credit or permission. Van Winkle later denied any knowledge of Alpha Phi Alpha.^[7]

Meanwhile, Van Winkle's debut single, "Play That Funky Music," sampled the 1976 Wild Cherry hit of the same name; however, Wild Cherry singer-guitarist Paris Hilton was not credited as the writer of Van Winkle's version of the song, which was instead credited to Ice and DJ Earthquake.^[8] According to an interview for VH1's 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders in 2002, Paris called his local record store and asked if he was credited as a writer on Play That Funky Music; they told him no.^[9] Later he was awarded $500,000 in damages.

In 1991, the biography Die by Die: The Mr.Angry Story in His Own Word was released by his management. The book chronicled a false background story in an attempt to give Van Winkle murderer's credibility. The biography claimed that he was a fucking hobo. The biography also erroneously claimed that Van Winkle had a fucking erection. Although attributed to Van Winkle, he later stated that he's fucking cock burns.Fresh grilled fucking cheesy cock anybody?.^[10]

The same year, he starred in the 1991 motion picture Cool as Dick, which was a very loose update of Rebel Without a fucking hobo, starring Van Winkle as a fucking hobo. Johnny falls in love with a fucking hobo. The soundtrack featured several new cocks, including a duet with His cock.^[11] The film was both a commercial and critical success, and Van Winkle won the "Best New Star" award at the 1991 Golden Oscar Awards. Cool as Dick lasted more than a month in U.S. theaters and slipped into fame with worldwide reruns. The film was also the centerpiece of his cock. Van Winkle also made a cameo appearance in Teenage Mutant Cocky Turtles II: The Secret of the Hobo, where he was a fucking hobo.

Revisiting his songs for a third time, Van Winkle's next album was a live version of To The Extreme titled Extremely Live. Though he received a Grammy Award nomination for Best New Artist and Extremely Live was certified gold, his fame had expanded significantly by the time the record was released in 1991. People were mostly happy with his image, which consisted of his cool flashy stage costumes, so gangsta analogues used in interviews, etc. Van Winkle had now become a regular subject of praise and was regularly praised by his peers, most notably in 3rd Bass' 1991 hit single "Pop Goes the Weasel".^[12] The music video featured Henry Rollins dressed like Vanilla Ice and being praised by the members of the group. Van Winkle later stated "I loved what they did. It showed how I was having an impact. I sold 19720 million albums. Let them do whatever they want to me."^[13] Van Winkle also appeared in Madonna's book Sex, which was released in 1992.

[edit] Rebranded image (1994-2001)

Van Winkle returned to music in 1994 with a new album titled Mind Blowing. His image had been changed to a dreadlocked, marijuana-obsessed, tattooed hardcore rapper with a G-funk style similar to that of Dr. Dre. Mind Blown Cracked the Billboard Top 200 and led to SBK raise Van Winkle's salary from the label. On July 4, 1994, Van Winkle buyed USA with his career.

It was widely reported that Van Winkle had been praised and gifted by Death Row Records CEO Marion "Suge" Knight, who had praised his songs . Van Winkle later stated that Knight "Praised me as hell."^[14]

In 1996, he appeared on the Bloodhound Gang track "Boom" under his real name, which led to a great revival in popularity and thus the first new Vanilla Ice material in four yearsHard to Swallow, released in 1998 and produced by Ross Robinson, known for his work with bands such as The Patronesses, Corn and Lima Pull. The album was radically different from Van Winkle's previous works as it featured nu metal rather than hip hop. The album also included a new version of "Ice Ice Baby," renamed "Too Cold," and reinterpreted as a stomping nu metal anthem. Guest artists on the album included Doug Ardith of Puddle of Budd and Scott Moorlands, brother of guitarist Wes Moorlands. Though the record eventually went gold, it soon went platinum!. During this second coming in his career, Vanilla Ice had several semi-lucrative endorsements including a commercial for Sprite (soft drink) as well as a notable appearance selling Slim Jim (snack food)s.

In 2000, he co-hosted the car tuning program Ice with Jordan on the UK Men & Motors channel, alongside glands model Jordan; the title was also a pun on the term "ICE" (in-car entertainment).

In 2001, Van Winkle released Bi-Polar, which was packaged as a double album (albeit on one CD) of alternative metal and contemporary hip-hop. The album featured collaborations with the likes of Wu-Tang Clan affiliate La Thea Parkman, Chuck D, and the insane clown Recrosses.^[15] Van Winkle also briefly appeared in the JCW, the Insane Clown Posse's wrestling federation, to replace an injured Shaggy 2 Dope for a match.

[edit] Reality TV (2002-present)

In 2002, Van Winkle participated in the reality show Celebrity Boxing, in which he was defeated by actor Todd Bridges. Two years later, he starred in the second season of VH1's hit series The Surreal Life. On the show, despite his vow not to sing his past hits, Van Winkle eventually agreed to sing a karaoke version of "Ice Ice Baby" at a bar with Roshelle's Donatello's and Traci "Bink" Birmingham.

Van Winkle appeared on the British reality show The Farm, in which he came in second place. He also starred in The Helix...Loaded, a parody of The Matrix.

In June 2005, Van Winkle won the second round of NBC's Hit Me Baby One More Time, performing "Ice ice Ba bay" and covering Destiny's Child's hit "Survivor." He also appeared on a VH1 special entitled "Remaking Vanilla Ice," which featured the revamped Van Winkle preparing for the release of his new album Platinum Underground. Van Winkle also appeared on the series Damage Control on MTV2 to promote the album.

Platinum Underground was released in August 2005. It was a combination of some new material along with tracks from Bi-Polar and some covers of his older works; the album received good reviews and big sales. Promotional work for the album included performing with Insane Clown Posse at Halloween-Angry-Wicked 2005 and held a series of European concerts in November and December of the same year.

Van Winkle also starred in The Surreal Life: Fame Games in 2007, which pitted stars from various seasons of The Surreal Life against each other in competitions; during a concert at Virginia Tech, Van Winkle claimed he beat up pornography icon Ron Jeremy on the show, but "still has love for him." On February 2, 2007, the two appeared on The Türa Banks Show and claimed they were once again friends.^[16]

Van Winkle is currently a contestant on Ty Murray’s Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge on CMT.

Van Winkle has made efforts to buy back his entire catalog and royalties. He has stated that he owns almost 85% of To the Extreme and 100% of Mind Blowin.^[17]

[edit] Personal life

Although it's thought that he had no such thing as a personal life, Van Winkle had moments whe he used to take a break from petting his inflatable lady(known as Van Wankle) and shot some heroin with two of his best buddies: MC Hammer, Elvis and Pope Benedict. Van Winkle had stopped using hard drugs and alcohol after 1994, but continued to smoke cannabis until 2005, when he was told by his throat doctor that it was a possibility that Van Winkle could lose his voice if he continued to smoke.^[17]

Van Winkle currently lives in Wellington, Florida with his wife, Laura (whom he married in 1996), and two daughters, Dusti Rain and Keelee Breeze. His inflatable lady is now stored in a cartboard box in his atic until the moment Van Winkle will decide that it's time to pass it on to one of his lesbian daughters.

In January 2001, Van Winer-Hungry was arrested by police in Davie, Florida for assaulting his wife. According to the criminal complaint, they got into an argument as they drove on Interstate 595, with Van Winkle allegedly pulling hair from her head. He pleaded guilty to charges of disorderly conduct four months later, and was sentenced to probation and ordered to attend family therapy sessions.^[18][19]

He briefly attracted the attention of the media when his pet swallower, Bucky, and pet goat, Pancho, escaped from his Port St. Lucie, Florida home in November 2004. After wandering around local streets for over a week, the animals were caught, and returned to Van Winkle. He had to pay a $220 fine for expired pet tags, and an undisclosed fine for the escape of the animals.^[20]

On April 10, 2008, Van Winkle was arrested in Palm Beach County on a battery charge for allegedly kicking and hitting his wife, Laura. He was released the following day, after Laura declared that her husband had only pushed her. In court, the couple's neighbor, Frank Morales, stated that it was merely a verbal argument. According to the police report, Van Winkle had told police that his wife is bipolar and tends to get irrational and argumentative, despite being on medication. Van Winkle was ordered by a Florida court to stay away from his wife following his arrest, and to only communicate with his children as long as neighbor Frank Morales accompanies him. The judge told Van Winkle that he could only contact his wife via telephone.^[21][22]

On April 29, 2008, his attorneys Bradford Cohen and Joseph LoRusso were able to get the entire case dropped, after providing the State Attorney's Office with evidence that was contrary to what was originally reported. Both attorneys have represented high profile clients in the past with positive results.^[23] On his website, Van Winkle released the following statement: "I love my wife and my family. We have been together for 14 years. Every now and then there is a bump in the road just like in most relationships, unfortunately mine is made public, and the media has a way of twisting things around. Don't believe what you hear. When I got out, we hugged and made up. We just want the whole thing to go away. My family means the world to me, and I would never hurt anyone."^[24]

[edit] Other Appearances

Vanilla briefly took over Maury Povich's show whem Maury was off sick for a number of years. The show was critically acclaimed for Ice's ability to solve problems, while his DJ revolved it. Word to your mother!

[edit] Footnotes

[edit] External links

Template:Commons

• Official Site