Vanuatu

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It actually has bananas

Vanuatu a.k.a. The Islands of Self-Love (not to be confused with the Islands of Self-Harm called America)

1 Facts
- 1.1 Language
2 Religion
3 National Animal
4 National Anthem
5 Famous Vanuatese
6 List Of Presidents

[edit] Facts

Vanuatu consists of a number of tiny islands located somewhere in the sea near those other tiny islands.
The war-like peaceful population live under a non-political style of government directed by President Starbucks, with Vice President Gloria Jean second in command.
The currency changes weekly, sometimes one can use lego, other times one must use finely cut diamonds, it really just depends.
Vanuatu has not always been independent, France and Britain both used to rule together in a strange froggy/rostbif love/hate relationship. One day during a love phase they went off to holiday in neighbouring Fiji and forgot to go back.

[edit] Language

Vanuatese is the only language that actually requires a personal bongo to speak since they don't vocalize, just make strange sounds while beating the nouns and adjectives on a bongo. If you ever go to Vanuatu PLEASE REFRAIN OF TOUCHING ANOTHER PERSON'S BONGO since it is considered a very personal insult meaning that you think that person can not construct a phrase. Grammar is VERY important to the Ni Vanuatu pepole. They actually worship the Grammar gods.

[edit] Religion

In Vanuatu people pray 0.0005 times a day to the Grammar gods located just to the left of one of the mighty volcanos, there is a daily sacrifice (no longer human, not since they almost ran out of them, any old thing will do, ants, jellyfish, marmosets, bandaids etc). They do this by banging their bongos to the rhythm of the death adjective (3 bangs in the low part with the middle finger of the right hand) and pushing the said sacrificed thingymabob into the roaring pit of stuff.

[edit] National Animal

It is a well known fact that the gerbil was first domesticated in Vanuatu, although for centuries humans had to beware the killer instinct of this vicious and immoral creature. Despite this the gerbil is not Vanuatu's national animal, quite frankly they are not cute enough, this accolade belongs to the labradoodle.

[edit] National Anthem

The national anthem is "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands". Renditions whilst happy do cause bongo / hand co-ordination issues and therefore is only performed under extreme duress. Failure to perform the national anthem correctly results in immediate exile to Manchester in the United Queendom. This is fate far worse than death.

[edit] Famous Vanuatese

King Arthur in the trail of his un-vanuatification followed by the royal guard of President Starbucks.

Baby Jesus
Jeremy Paxman
Oprah Winfrey
Cheech & Chong
King Arthur became British after being expelled from Vanuatu for a) touching another person's bongo, and b) failing to correctly recite "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands"