Verizon

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

“Sure, they have the iPhone, but we will give you lots of chocolate. Everybody loves chocolate...don't they?”

~ Verizon on Exclusives

“We Never Stop To Work For You.”

~ Verizon on working for you

“ "Can you fear me now?".”

~ Verizon on after firing the 'can you hear me now' guy and replacing him with Cthulhu

CENSORED

This page is censored by an authoritarian regime claiming that it is for your own good.

Verizon , known to the NSA as "Puppet Number Two", to themselves as God, and to customers everywhere as "that phone company that I pay a crapload of money to every month", is an organization dedicated to take over the universe.

A rejected logo for Verizon , much more truthful than the logo that was used.

Only $.002 cents per kilobyte for data transfer in Canada! [1]

Created in 2000 by the "merger" (not so much a merger as it was Bell Atlantic absorbing them to begin its conquest for universal domination) of Bell Atlantic and GTE, they now enslave serve a bunch of people in the North, South, East, West of America. poop On February 14, 2006, Verizon took over MCI (Mexico Canada Inc.(So they are Mexican now!? To many damn illegal aliens that don't speak English!) and gained many more slaves happy employees.

[edit] NSA Relations

Verizon is , and has been for a while, not respecting the privacy of its customers. They have been monitoring and recording phone calls of their customers, and then turning over that information to the NSA. We all must protest! They shoulddo this!! Let's boycott Verizon!

[edit] History of Verizon

Verizon was created in 2000 by the merger of Bell Atlantic and GTE, a merger was considered to be the worst decision in the history of existence, Verizon than focused on ruining the lives of many people by not improving the horrible service of Verizon and then improving, or rather, dis-improving call quality, In 2001 Verizon introduced Verizon Wireless to trick people into giving Verizon more money, connect people to family and community, Verizon Wireless bills are high in price range and could lead to debt in families and offers phones that are exclusive to Verizon Wireless so they can get you to join your network, In 2002, Verizon offered a DSL brodband service that frustraded many people and also caused many suicides, People like to stay away from Verizon's broadband service because Verizon has brodband in nearly every city around. Making it impossible to escape and Verizon has been launching an advertising campaign for its DSL featuring famous people and it's working for getting people to sign up for Verizon DSL, I don't know why People use Verizon DSL for their internet connection and I don't know why Verizon has many subscribers for Verizon DSL Why do people use it, It sucks, and why is it still growing, People should not keep using Verizon DSL , Verizon also has a really shitty voice IP service, This service allows you to call someone via the Internet, then having the call dropped after several minutes. This service is known for having really shitty voice quality, compared to Verizon Wireless, it has good voice quality and is known for dropping many calls during an important call, and not having many important features, Verizon has been criticized for having terrible customer service. When contacted for comment on this, Verizon supplied the following, "If you would like to make a call, please hang up and try again." Now you know who we are.