Vermont

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People come to Vermont to view the foliage of the native trees, including the Ski Plant.

You may be looking for New Hampshire and not even know it!

“They're the scariest in the world man, keep them away from me! AHHHHHH! DON'T LET THEM TOUCH YOU! THEY HAVE ACID IN THEIR SKIN!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Vermont Hippies

Vermont is a small island located in the New England area of the United States. It covers an area of 1867 square miles, mainly consisting of dense hardwood forests, open farmland, and hippies. It is home to over three towns, eight people, and several million cows. The name Vermont is derived from the Nordic 'Ver', meaning Very, and 'Monte', meaning 'Communistic'.

[edit] History

Vermont was discovered in 1856 by the French-Canadian explorer Marquis de Sade. Seeking refuge from his native Canadia, the explorer christened the area the Republic of Vermont. However, lacking anything but trees, Marquis de Sade soon left Vermont and traveled north to play hockey for the Canadiens.

While christened in 1856, the Republic of Vermont lay unsettled for the next 90 years, until the invention of the hippy commune. Vermont (the French word for vermin) was officially founded in 1969 by Ben and Jerry of gourmet ice cream fame, as they brought the first hippy commune to the land. They settled into the fertile land near Lake Champlain, and called the first commune Dorset. Today Dorset is a fortified hippy conclave, which can be smelt for miles in all directions.

While initially thought to be part of the US, it now appears that Vermont is actually a suburb of la belle province, constructed solely for use as a ski resort. Unfortunately, the insurgance of ski resorts has brought the developers into conflict with the native hippies. More than one ski resort has had to be moved upwind of a native hippy commune, at great expense.

The capital of Vermont was recently moved from the city of West Haven to Montréal, as the exchange rate was better. Also, Montréal has better strip-clubs. And hockey. You like hockey, eh? I like hockey. And Poutine. Yep. Poutine. And hockey.

The only reason Marqus de Sade didn't go to New Hampshire was because because of Vermonts large sums of Maple Syrup and New Hampshires upside down ways confused and scared him.

On June 16th, 2007 Vermont declared its independence from the United States. Nobody noticed.

[edit] The Second American Civil War a.k.a. The Vermont War

[edit] Economy

This was worth all the $120 the tourist paid for it!

The official currency of Vermont is the tourist dollar. The official currency is used only by outsiders, for the natives use the traditional bartering system. Consisting of cheese, local-grown organic produce, maple syrup, and Ben and Jerry's Ice cream, the native bartering system is flexible and sensible. Vermonters trade between their communes on a regular basis, and enjoy the luxury of nearly free goods.

Outsiders are not so lucky. The primary source of income for most Vermonters is ripping off outsiders. For the privilege of rolling down a steep hill during the chill of winter, Vermonters charge non-Vermonters around $80 tourist dollars a day. This causes no end of stifled laughter among Vermonters, for they can walk down said hills during the nicer parts of the year, FOR FREE!

[edit] Trade

As Vermonters' entire income stems from tourist dollars, a great deal of attention is paid to the trade value of Vermont goods.

These trade values are fairly standard across Vermont:

• It's noteworthy that if you plan upon spending a day on a freezing mountian whilst wearing skiis, the price in Tourist Dollars will rise exponentially. Most tourists bypass this hefty price and simply saw off their left arm.

[edit] Government

As Vermont is a hippy commune, there is no official government. A Council of Stoners sets generic guidelines for Tourist Dollar Values, and works with Montréal to develop ski areas. This is difficult for non-Vermonters to understand, and as such, they often mistakenly think that Vermont needs a government. Ignorant to the local customs, a large number of non-Vermonters have created a "State Government" irredisregardless of the fact that Vermont is not a state, and they are not Vermonters. Due to this misunderstanding, only non-Vermonters can be seen obeying "State Laws".

It was declared independent from the US in 2012 or sonethibg and after a long war that destroyed everything exept for Vermont it was a free country, with lots of comunists, anarchists and other freaks of nature.

[edit] Language

Just like driving through Indiana or Connecticut, but with snow and pine trees.

The official language of Vermont is Canadian. Easily distinguished by the repeated use of "eh?" and "yep", Canadian has supplemented the original Vermontish spoken by the settlers of the island. The secondary language of Vermont is Stoner. This is characterized by oft-repeated phrases such as "Who, man" and "I need some more ice cream".

[edit] Attractions

One of the most sacred areas in the entire world, Vermont is home to the Great Manure Mines. A natural phenomenon, raw cow manure slowly sinks into the ground and into underground caves where it drips down and hardens. The Vermont Dwarves come to the Great Manure Mines once every Fall to stock up on manure for the winter. Also, the greatest fair known in the lower milky way galaxy as well as half a square mile of Rutland, Vermont, exists during the month of February. As is known around the world, Rutland is a center of high culture and wealthy pursuits. Rutland has a vibrant drug trade, and is popular among citizens of Canada, for a connection to the "bounty" coming north from Mexico and Alabama. Anyway, the Rutland fair contains the largest freak show on earth, essentially consisting of 57.89% of its patrons. One can observe the consumption of fried dough by vertically challenged obese humans with thyroid problems as well as the various carnival ride accidents caused by carnies who are really communists and saboteur specialist aliens, out to rid the earth of the best and brightest of the next generation who appear by the twos and threes (at most) at the Rutland fair. One can also commune with farm animals and hippies, the latter covered in their own excrement.

[edit] Famous Vermonters

The Green Mountian Boys were most notibly the first gay rights protest group ever, a statue of their leader Ethan Allen has been erected in every town in Vermont, and many furniture businesses, such as Ethan Allen Hardwood, and real-astate agencies have been named after him.

Robert Frost was the leader of the communist revolution in Vermont. Through his boring poetry he inciting many people to truly govern themselves. People often bring overings of alcohol in pagan worship gatherings in his home.

Calvin Coolidge become the first gay president of the United States, he was inaugurated on january 34th 1945 after killing hilter with his bare, gay, hands. After a difficult divorce from Oscar Wilde he made gay marriages illegal out of anger. He is also famous for appearing on the bottle of the well known male enhancement drink Moxie.