Veto
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
In politics, a veto is a vote with negative value.
Contents |
[edit] How a Veto Works
Unbeknownst to most new voters, there exists a very tiny checkbox next to each candidate's name and political affiliation, symbolized with the letter "W" (so as not to confuse a veto with an actual vote, seeing as they both begin with the letter "V"). After being duly informed of this option by a hired goon who stays inside the voting booth with the voter at all times, the voter (or, in this case, the vetoer) may, if he so chooses, cast a veto against any (line item veto) or all (blanket veto) available candidates on the ballot.
After the election is tallied by primitive electronic voting machines, the candidate with the most votes is declared the winner, as usual. However, the candidate who has the misfortune of garnering the most vetoes is hauled to an underground tribunal where he is pronounced guilty, stripped butt-naked, tied to a stake, covered with gallons of delicious honey, and slowly eaten to death by a single fire ant. This cruel but very necessary punishment is for all those unscrupulous scoundrels having the unbelievable audacity to even consider running for elected office in the first place. This punishment is also extremely necessary because people tend to enjoy "bad things" such as foul language, sex, and violence, so the TV people figured out that they could convince more people to watch if they integrated that into the election. Most people don't care about the guy getting eaten alive, but studies prove that over 75% of viewers just like seeing the guy stark naked.
[edit] Paradoxical Elections
In the extremely unlikely event that one candidate wins the election AND gets the most vetoes, the entire democratic system breaks down into a steaming puddle of mass confusion, rampant chaos, looting, and court-ordered recounts. This has happened only twice in recorded history.
[edit] The Right to Veto
Since the dawn of time, Mankind and other disadvantaged peoples have fought and bled and willingly died horrible deaths just for the slightest chance to acquire the right to veto. Finally, in 1903, President Teddy Roosevelt granted his loyal subjects, by executive order, with that awesome power which only Presidents and God Himself could safely wield. Public participation in elections immediately skyrocketed to unheard-of levels, and has not slackened since since that fateful day. Thousands of the most unpopular politicians to sully God's green Earth, at every single level of government, have (so far) been systematically vetoed with extreme malice to the morbid cheers and delightment of the informed electorate.
