Viacom

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Me, Sumner Redstone. I own this image, too. So, bow down to me! © 2008 Viacom Inc.

“Did you mean: Fryatome.”

~ Google on Viacom

“In Soviet Russia, you hate VIACOM!!!”

~ Russian reversal on Viacom

Viacom* is an evil corporation decicated to being greedy, creating quality entertainment, canceling all the good shows and replacing them with crap. For example taking Double Dare hosted by Marc Summers off and airing just Double Dare 2000 hosted by Jason Harris. and providing shitty shows to our customers. Viacom* is also the Communist ruler of the free world. It essentially owns everything and everyone. Even You. Even Me. Even Your Mom. Viacom's electricity is generated in sweatshops by making small dogs run on treadmills 24 hours a day. The treadmill concept is Viacom proprietary and this information will be removed due to a copyright claim.

Hell, Viacom* even says it owns James Bond - and nobody owns James Bond, except for MGM. Don't you even believe what those other phony trademarks (which Viacom* just so happens to own) tell you.

[edit] Does Viacom* Really Own Everything?

Yes, Viacom* owns everything. It owns the world, okay? There's a big friggin' stamp over Mexico that reads "This Planet is the Property of Viacom*, Inc." We, meaning I, Sumner Redstone, own it all. Well, except Emperor Kylapharos. But he's allied with Princess Zelda and Stephanie of Lazytown, so we have nothing to worry about from him. hell, it even owns Wal-Mart. it is also heard that Disney Is teaming with Viacom to CONTROLL THE WORLD!!!! Watch Out! But the only thing Viacom can't own is.......... BIONICLE

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Viacom.

[edit] So, I'm not allowed to own Mexico?

No, not unless you work for Viacom*.

[edit] .... Darn.

Yes, indeed. I'm so sorry to crush your dream like that.

[edit] Really?

YES.

[edit] Viacom* - A History

Once upon a time, me, Sumner Redstone, declared that there should be a place that owns everything in the entire world. So, he set up a company called HufferKitties Incorporated. Of course, everyone wanted to work there, since back in the 80's, everyone thought doing drugs and kitten huffing was cool, and so they all showed up just to breathe the factory's fumes and get high. Sure enough, all of those 80's kids are dead. Stupid 80's druggies.

After This Guy huffed one too many orange kittens, he fell victim to the ravages of I-Must-Get-My-Hideous-Blood-Curdling-Revenge-On-Everyone Syndrome and was placed in Intensive Care at the Hospital for the Kitten Huffing Addicted. Please help them. They need funds. They don't have any money to throw useless stripper parties for the insane doctors and nurses.

Soon, I took over the company and became very very rich and successful, and changed the name to Viacom*, so now I own both Mexico AND you. Teh total pwnage.**

[edit] YouTube legal case

Viacom* is sueing YouTube for $12 trillion (the word 'trillion' is © Viacom*) and wants YouTube to hand over all the user's names, IP addresses, video viewing habits, favourites, PIN numbers, mother's maiden names, bank account numbers, sort codes, credit card numbers, expiry dates and favourite sandwich fillings.

A visual representation of the legal case.

[edit] List of Things that Viacom* Owns

Viacom owns Kenan and Kel. © 1996 Viacom International Inc.

• You
• Life
• The Universe
• Everything
• Neopets***
• OMG
• Big Worm
• God
• The World
• Myst
• Soup
• Eggs
• Spam
• CBS (Redstone still owns it, but is run by his lackey Les Moonves, who is just as evil)
• The CW
• The Republican Party
• Mexico
• Fairy World
• Weird Al Yankovic
• Josh Server
• Chuck Norris
• O RLY
• Viacom*
• The Empire of the Evil Marching Band
• Kittens
• D'Oheth!
• People
• This Guy
• That Guy
• That Gay
• Wal-Mart

Kenny Rogers's face ™ and © Viacom

• Kenny Rogers's face
• The Geico caveman
• That hyper kid over in the corner
• The Llama Song
• Dumpster
• Your Mom
• Zordon
• Alpha
• Power Rangers
• The V of Doom
• Spongebob
• Nickelodeon
• VH1
• BET
• You
• Star Sprinkler Banner
• About what else Viacom* owns.
• Various pro-censorship and anti-censorship groups alike
• Cookies
• Cotton Balls
• Bret Michaels and his terrible band Poison
• Bret Michaels hot pockets
• Someday, Youtube, Somedayyyyyy!

[edit] V of Doom

V of Doom © 1980 Viacom Inc.

At the end of about every freaking show Viacom owns, the "V of Doom" appears. It is a device created by Satan to shorten people's lives. Exposure to the V of doom may cause mental retardation, Down's Syndrome, indigestion, seizures, a strong urge to go to Hell, and anything else but happiness, satisfaction, etc. The V of Doom consists of a giant blue V zooming up on a green background and "A Viacom Presentation. Remember, we hate you." zooms in to a 5-note horn tune composed by Sonic The Hedgehog. Once the "V" stops zooming in, your TV screen could, and will break. Fortunately, it isn't as common nowadays, but when it was common, it, it's creators, and it's composers we're responsible for breaking TV sets, that TV sets continue to break down and be very crappy today, even when the "V" of Doom doesn't show. Satan's report stated that every one quarter of a second, TV sets are breaking down, each one of them in all the countries, respectfully.