Vince McMahon
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The author knows this because he is also a peckerhead and has frequently chatted with Vince McMahon at the meetings.
Vince McMa-HAN was also born over 137 hundred years ago, at the old age of seven. Vince first saw photos of many giant muscular man covered in slime and grease manufactured from polish sausages, trademarked by Nestle. Many believe it is viewed that early experiences like this lead to the massive chubby anytime he saw someone over 6'5 ft tall. The young Vince began to promote fights on the playground between pizza face and Lars, Lars won the majority of the time in these matches because Pizza face's head made a good target being bright red. soon making the very first version of the WWE (that time WWF) championship out of construction paper. After a year had gone by the young Vince Mcmahon felt the kids were too small and then told the kids about this new substance he discovered called "Steroids." For some odd reason not one of those kids ever made it past the age of 40. Vince tended to develop a love for cocks and turned that love into Professional Wrestling as it is known today. Vince eventually took his freak show to TV and produced such shows as WWE Smackup: Roid Rage as a brand of Sports Entertainment that only rednecks are interested in watching and believe are real as well.
"It is a well known fact that rednecks are many in the USA, and totally believe that WWE Wrestling is 100% real, with no acting, no fake punches, no scripts, no storylines, get injured for real, are not gay, and are willing to pay lots of money to watch retarded men with big muscles beat each other up after talking smacktalk with each other and promoting products like Stacker2, HeadOn, Slim Jim Beef Jerky, Hooters, Subway, Burger King either by mentioning them in the smacktalk, or having one of the announcers announce it during the match". This quote was said by a man named jozzers dibbleo, a yankke. You see even though the WWE was a primarily northern Corp Yankees still belive that they are superior to everyone in the nation. In this case jozzers just missed his nap. .The more insane the show, the more money Vince McMahon makes, the more wrestlers die of drug overdoses, cancer, steroid abuse, or GAIDS the more money Vince McMahon makes. Vince became the main villain in most of his shows, because most of the other wrestlers aren't heel enough to sell that kind of pop to the crowd and get the desired amount of heat needed to put those redneck butts in those stadium seats.
Vince McMahon has confirmed that he was best friends with Hitler. He said in an Interview that his dad Used To Rape him and he liked it. He Said that He Has Actually never done Linda McMahon and that Shane and Steph are form mars and one day he brought them home from a business trip. It is also reported that he is good friends with the guy who invented LoL. There is talk of a life partner ship or at least a gay marriage. Vince is a lifetime member in the Billionaire Jackass Asshole society with his good friend Donald Trump who is also a lifetime member, and Vince lost a bet to Donald and had to get his head shaved bald.
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[edit] WWE WWF
Do to the success of Vinces playgroud wrestling, in the late 1970's, he then started to move his wrestling in arena's all across the country. Vince has a strict steroid policy, that if any person on the wwe roster is found without steroids in his/her body, they are fired on the spot.
“There is no proof that █████ █████ used steroids. Thank you.”
~ WWE on Vince Mcmahon's steroid use
“Again, he did not use steroids. Thank you.”
~ WWE on the above quote
“If anything █████ █████ murdered his family due to the fact that he was a sociopath, which had nothing to do with steroids use, in which case he didn't use steroids at all. We advised him to seek professional help, and we knew he was a sociopath because the crippler crossface is a strangle hold like the ones he must have used on his wife and son. Again, no steroid use, but █████ █████ was an asshole as a possible explanation, and again no steroid use at all. If he did we'd know about it and fire him, which we didn't.”
~ WWE on on a possible reason for the murders if steroid use is ruled out
“We did not make any reference to █████ █████'█ death on our website. Thank you.”
~ TNA on fear of copyright infringement
[edit] The Beginning of Mcmahonism
After 9/11 Vince decided to form his own religion, he called it McMahonism. People get converted to McMahonism by kissing Vince's ass on live television. Vince McMahon, a well known Atheist decided that there was money to be made in forming his own religion after seeing the success of L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology and decided to do the same for him. Vince McMahon became leader of his own religion, McMahonism and told everyone to kiss his ass. For his employees who refused, he yelled at them "Don't cross the boss!" and one of them, The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels got knocked out by Vince's son Shane McMahon and was made to kiss Vince's ass and they forced his conversion from Christianity to McMahonism. HBK repented after that, by teaming up with Triple H for reform DX (D-Generation X, a NWO rip-off) to dump holy shit on Vince, his son, and some gay male cheerleaders that had allied up with Vince McMahon.
In June 2007, Vince McMahon was blown up in a limo explosion. After the Horrific events, Mcmahon was resurrected from the dead coming down from the ski on an episode of RAW, Proclaiming himself as god. WWE has reported that sometime in the first week of July, in an attempt to prove he's really god, Vince Mcmahon will bring back every dead wrestler in the last 20 years and have them all fight in a battle royal with the winner getting to come back to life. The Losers however must die again and this time stay dead forever. █████ █████ would be used after the match as Vince's new ally against the winner, thus leading up to a Dead Man's match at that year's WrestleMania.
Around November 2007 it was revealed that Vince McMahon had a bastard child, which confused people as most of Vince's children are known bastards, but this one was an unknown bastard child who had a mother who was suing Vince McMahon for eleventy billion dollars in child support. It was later learned that the bastard son was a leprechaun named Hornswoggle who already was a WWE Wrestler. This went on for months, and Vince taught his bastard son "tough love" by beating the shit out of him for every episode or putting him in matches against giant beasts like Umanga, The Great Kali, Big Daddy V, or Michael Moore. Anyway it was learned later by John "Bradshaw" Leyfield, who came out of retirement and beat the shit out of Hornswoggle for one more time, that Hornswoggle was Fitz Finley's son and not Vince McMahon's son. It was all one big story to get the public to forget that Vince faked his own exploding limo death, and write a new soap opera chapter for the WWE, and JBL called for an end of that chapter as ratings weren't doing so well that he had to come out or retirement and stop announcing Smackdown to go to Raw and save the show, and also challenge Y2J to a match because his shtick was getting old and bringing down the show, in exchange for a championship match to be determined later. JBL brought that Neocon Heel aspect back to the Raw brand that it so desperately needed. It seemed Triple H turned Face, and Vince beating up his own son actually made him look less like a Neocon Heel and more like a Redneck Heel instead and it was bringing down the ratings in the south. So JBL kind of tried to balance things out. But anyway it worked and the public seemed to have forgotten about the whole exploding limo fake death storyline, and started to hate JBL more than Vince as they cheered for Y2K to beat him. Later John Cena and Triple H beat on JBL as Y2J proved to be a flake and kept messing up his lines as well as didn't take a few chinshots from HBK correctly over the Ric Flair retiring at a match at Wrestlemania with HBK. So they shifted HBK over to Smackdown to feud with Batista and gave Y2J back his Highlight Reel in hopes that he could draw up more heat from the crowd when HBK fakes a knee injury in a match with Batista and Y2J gives him an award for best actor in the WWE over it. By this time it is May 2008, and William Regal used his General Manager powers to get into a King of the Ring match against Hornswoggle, and the later beat an injured Finley by The Great Kali acting out on orders from Regal to injure Finley's knee so Regal can win King of the Ring. Which made William Regal the most powerful man in the WWE (with exception of Vince McMahon) as WWE's King and General Manager of Raw at the same time. So Regal just turns off the lights in the middle of popular wrestling matches and claims the public doesn't respect him, so he is taking away their right to see the match. Vince agreed to this as it makes Regal the new Neocon Heel of Raw, and people can forget more about the things that Vince had done and now hate Regal instead of him.
But Regal overdosed on his throne as King of the Ring and Raw's General Manager. So Vince went crazy and started to give away one million dollars each Monday night on Raw. It made Vince very popular until the third week when he faked a skylight falling down on the set, crashing his platform and causing a sign with a million dollar bill with his face on it to come crashing down on him. He did that as an excuse to stop giving away one million dollars each week, and also to make people feel sorry for him that he is a 198 year old man with shrunken testicles due to his rampant steroid abuse that also caused brain damage as well as insanity.
Some claim that the accident that happened to Vince McMahon was really a sign that The Undertaker was returning to WWE after Vickie Guerrero and Edge got Undertaker banished from the WWE in a match that Vickie made called "Edge wins the WWE heavyweight Campionship after everyone jumps on The Undertaker using Tables Ladders and Chairs" match in which if the Undertaker lost he would be banished from the entire WWE including ECW and Ohio Valley Wrestling. So the Undertaker lost that match since over seven people beat him up so badly that Edge was able to climb the ladder and grab the WWE Heavyweight belt and win. That since Vince McMahon approved of such tactics he became the first victim of the Undertaker returning to the WWE, and the next victim was Edge on Raw who ran his mouth that Raw didn't have the WWE Heavyweight championship and how much better he was than anyone else on Raw, and after that Batista came out and beat him up and then CM Punk cashed in the "Money in the Bank" briefcase to get an instant championship match with Edge even if Edge was unconscious, and won the WWE heavyweight championship belt that way. The next victim was Vickie Guerrero when Edge got upset at her on Smackdown after she called him stupid for going on Raw and losing his championship and they both got into a yelling match over who was the bigger idiot, in which Edge got the last words in that "The Wedding is off!" and Vickie had a hissy fit over it and cried and yelled. Then again others claim it was just bad acting and really poorly written scripts.
[edit] Anti-Mcmahonism
Vince has had problems recently with the anti-McMahonism group known as VKM (Voodoo Kin Mafia). VKM was started by two TNATHEISTS, who left the WWE and formed their own team at TNA. Vince started McManhonism and got people to kiss his ass, and it upset the people who used to work for him, and they formed VKM shortly after Vince proclaimed himself god. . They made demands on Vince McMahon, by standing outside of the WWE's headquarters shouting "Vince McMahon, come out with your pants up!" as he was yet getting William Regal to convert to McMahonism to become the General Manager of the WWE Raw show. Vince didn't give into VKM's demands, so they made fun of him more on the Tits 'N Asses show.
[edit] Vince destroys VKM
Vince can do anything he wants. He proved this by finishing off VKM. Once the members of VKM were demonstrating gay relations on their TNA(Tits 'N Asses) show, when suddenly Vince charged in with his army consisting of Undertaker, D-Generation-X, Kane and several other greats. They got BG and Kip James to mistreat Roxxi Laveaux and fire her from KVM, and then they got BG and Kip upset at each other for BG wrestling for the tag team titles with his 90 year-old father. They had beaten up the VKM along with some other Tits 'N Asses guys to such an extent (while the audience were enjoying it) that TNA had to wind up. Triple H finally said "I got really tired of carrying you BG James, while you were part of D-Generation-X, you are nothing without me and Shawn Michaels! Kip, you were nothing but a bitch anyway."
[edit] See Also
