Vincent the Salmon
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“I came close to beating him once, but then his Salmon light speed kicked in”
~ Oscar Wilde on Vincent the Salmon
Vincent the Salmon was born from a salmon and a man in the year 1337. He was a salmon that could walk and talk. As a child he got the nickname "Lightfoot", because his feet were extremely light. One day, out and about, he stumbled into a bar where a band named "Alex and the Cumbuckets" were playing. He heard Alex Cumbucket play the best guitar solo he had ever heard, and this inspired him to pwn every single person on Earth. He went on to win every race and marathon he ran in. He became a popular figure in the track and field community, and soon gained God status. He gained so much confidence that his life was prolonged for another 4000 years.
[edit] Career
Vincent has had the most successful career of anyone, ever. He won 123412342342355573079 gold medals, and is currently going for his 4th. He makes $789,000,000 a second. An unfortunate event occurred in a race in the year 7899, where Vincent the Salmon lapped the second place finisher 35 times, a far cry from his usual 56 times
[edit] Future
Only one person has tried to predict the future of Vincent the Salmon "Lightfoot", and that person was arrested by the band Rush. Rush charged the person with "Invasion of Vincent's bubble", and the person was sent to Alcatraz prison. He was then sponsored by Cornelius to make sure that NO human ever won any form of sports. EVER.
[edit] Facts
- He once ran two races that ran in opposite directions and won both of them.
- He lost his virginity while he was still an egg
- Mysteriously every person who races Vincent dies.
- He acted in 500, 000 porn videos with his idle Alex Cumbucket, which included "Naughty Salmon Nurses" and "Mmmm Cummed Salmon"
