Virgin
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A Virgin is an inhabitant of the American state of Virginia. Virgins are noted for their refreshing innocence, youthful demeanour, and ripe cherries (botanical name: Hymen Intacticus), the latter often considered among the finest in the world. Most Virgins leave the state and emigrate south between the ages of 18 and 24. Around this exploratory phase of life, it is common for them to take on many exotic occupations and positions. Due to the simplicity of life in Virginia, a common exclamation is "it's so big!" in reference to things which aren't really.
Virgin culture is marked by an unusual lack of maturity. Many Virgins find pleasure in children's activities such as collecting action figures, obsessing over TV shows, playing dress-up, editing wikis, and living in their parents' basements; in fact, there are few other forms of entertainment in Virginia.
In Catholic theology, the Madonna is not technically a Virgin but is often thought to be like one.
When leaving the state of Virginia for the first time all inhabitants must perform a ceremony in which they pierce a hole in a drum, red ribbons pour out and the drum cries gently. Former occupants wishing to re-enter Virginia can do so following a complex surgical procedure.
Wait, do female virgins still exist?
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[edit] Myth or Fact?
It has been posited that Virgins are mythical creatures like ghouls and goblins. However, this is not true. Goblins are totally real. If you need proof just ask the people who have had their planes tampered with during the War. Oh wait that's gremlins (paid for by Geico)... Never mind then...
[edit] Other Uses
The word Virgin, usually used to refer to a nun or the way a lying slut refers to herself, originally comes from Virgin Coke. This is a miracle drug discovered at the dawn of time, and is said to make a young girl pure. But that's just speculation.
This theory has in later years been heavily discussed by all the leading thinkers of the world, among them Oscar Wilde who is quoted as saying, "I don't believe anything could ever make a girl pure, let alone a drink."
The drink brand was later adapted to, among other things, an airline, a music store, and olive oil.
For some bizarre reason, the word has also been used since the dawn of time as a state in which a girl is before she is corrupted by her male-kin. This however is nonsense as we all know a girl is never really wholesome, unless kept in total isolation for her entire life and her brain removed.
One of several other connotations with the word, "Virgin" is the Virgin Mary, who is regarded very highly in a religious sect, namely Hinduism. Again, this is nonsense because she is female and girls have cooties.
But I hear you ask: "Why?" ... and in response, I must say: "You must be a woman."
A synonym for a mega-huge coorperation.
[edit] Virgins and Islam
A scandal erupted in 2003 when many thousands of mujehaddin learned that they were overbooked for the same 72 virgins, threatening to create faction fights in Heaven even more varied and unrestrained than those on Earth. The mujehaddin have been assured that they will receive equal shares of any leftover virgins after Bin Laden Bank and other secured investors receive full payment.
Radical scholars and imams changed the wording so that prospective jihadists are now offered the chance to go to Heaven in the company of 72 filthy, gagging-for-it sluts and have been forced to employ extra secretaries to cope with the massive increase in volunteers. It has also come to light that the word used by the writers of the Koran was originally "raisin", which is a local concoction made of disgusting wrinkly prunes. It is extremely rare and sought after in the Arab world. After a public opinion survey, it was uncovered that raisins simply don't cause orgasms as well as virgins, and later sluts, and so their use was dropped.
