Vlaardingen
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Mayor: | Random String Puppet |
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| Inhabitants: | Well over a million |
| Average life expectancy: | 5 minutes, 80-ish years when animals and insects are not counted |
“This is definitely where I parked my car”
~ Nondescript citizen on Vlaardingen
“PIGS....IN.....VLAARDINGEN!!”
~ Miss Piggy on Vlaardingen
“In Soviet Russia, Vlaardingen would be Wouterbossograd for You”
~ Wouter Bos on Vlaardingen
“You've got to watch this place on the inside of your eyes”
~ Bassie on Vlaardingen
A city in the Netherlands close to, and west of Rotterdam, Vlaardingen is known for its Geuzenpenning, and Yzerkoekjes.
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[edit] Brief History
Vlaardingen was actually one of the first cities in the Netherlands (holland) to be called a city, after it received cityrights from the king during the middle ages. Vlaardingen stayed a relatively small city over the course of history, but it played an important role in the history of the world as a whole (see Geuzenpenning and Yzerkoekjes).
One of the reasons that Vlaardingen is not as big as Rotterdam nowadays is that In order to keep the masquerade of a small town, it allowed the city of Schiedam, which is between Vlaardingen and Rotterdam to separate itself from it's rule. However, this is only done for 'cosmetical purposes' (see "Schiedam and Vlaardingen")
[edit] Famous Vlaardingers
Vlaardingen is also a place where many very famous people come from, however, most of the people who live in the Netherlands seem to hate them nowadays.
- Bassie & Adriaan, a duo of a clown and an acrobat which have at long last retired from brainwashing little children via their TV programmes and circus acts.
- Wouter Bos, the political rival of Harry Potter, and leader of the PvdA, "Partij van de Armen" (literally translated (Poor man's political party --> Communists)) Wouter Bos is the son of "He who must not be named" and the seventh twin-sister of the communist ruler Joseph Stalin.
- The Amazing Stroopwafels A local three-piece Rock 'n Roll band, whose members are genetically engineered and enhanced stroopwafels, hence the name Amazing Stroopwafels
- Agnes van Ardenne Dutch female politician who spends all the money on things that seem really worth it, but as always with money spent by a politician, really isn't
- The Vengaboys 2 guys, and 2 girls who were employed by the devil himself to corrupt the world with evil music, which was of such bad quality that the attempt failed after a couple of years of hard working. Luckily for everyone, they were easily ignored.
[edit] Politics in Vlaardingen
Even though 105,351% of Holland does not like Wouter Bos (compared to the 143,2% who does not like Harry Potter, it's still an improvement, but still not good enough) It works out quite well that Wouter Bos has spent a big part of his youth in Vlaardingen. It has saved Vlaardingen a lot of trouble when Harry Potter claimed rule over Holland. Most of the people of Vlaardingen did not vote for either Harry Potter or Wouter Bos during the last elections, but chose to call in the help of George W. Bush in order to make sure that the results in Vlaardingen were to close to call, and that former president of South Africa, Frederik Willem de Klerk, would be sent to thwarth the plans set out by both Wouter Bos and Harry Potter.
[edit] Schiedam and Vlaardingen
Schiedam used to be a part of the city of Vlaardingen, but in order to keep things managable, and to keep any attention from aliens to a minimum, it was decided to make Schiedam a city of it's own in 1989. This led to heavy fighting in the first few years, with many casualties on the side of Schiedam and Amsterdam and now Schiedam is mostly a barren wasteland covering an area of roughly 25 square kilometers. All this however has ensured the safety of the habitants of both Vlaardingen and Rotterdam, and it is widespread knowledge that the inhabitants of current Schiedam will use the broken gin bottles to rebuild their homes without any need for assistance.
[edit] Export products from Vlaardingen
- The Geuzenpenning is a medal awarded every year to a random famous person for doing something totally random, which may or may not help all the people of the earth. The name Geuzenpenning comes from the word "Geuzen" (which in turn comes from the english word "Ghaut"), and is a term used to describe people who openly discriminate everyone who likes oranges, or comes from spain, or feels a need to fight wars that last about eighty years, or a combination of those three, or just a random collection of people with a random yet significant trait.
- Yzerkoekjes are cookies made largely of iron. It is rumored that Margareth Tatcher, AKA the Iron Lady, bought all the surplus iron in the harbor of Rotterdam for herself to eat it, but when she finally was able to ship it to London Wim Kok called for a strike of all the harbor labourers and the shipment of iron never came further than Vlaardingen. The people of Vlaardingen were not satisfied with this giant heap, and started making cookies out of it, so they eventually would get rid of it.
- Very bad contemporary music.
- Keith Herring with beer party
- Books on how to mislead a politician and still find yourself screwed by him.
- Guitars
- Mighty Martijn
- World wide food domination (Unilever company was founded in Vlaardingen)
- World wide detergents domination
