Vlads

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“Vlads Sucks!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Vlads

“Having Vlads must Suck!”

~ God on Vlads

“If Vlads was a person, I would roundhouse kick him in the face”

~ Chuck Norris on Vlads

[edit] Background

Vlads, an acronym for Very Late Action-Decision Syndrome, is a highly contagious virus spread by the Russians during the 13th century to endorse their "take over the world plan". No one knows how it happened but instead of the Europeans (the continent they spread the disease to first was Europe) being inffected by the disease instead a Russian boy by the name of Vlad (hence the name Vlads) was infected.

The Russians had a fit and decided to find out more about the virus. That was how they found out it was contagious. Nobody to this day has found any form of antidote.

During the first world war a weakened form of the powerful Vlads syndrome developed into a virus killing millions of people worldwide, it was nicknamed the Spanish Flu.

Chuck Norris has Vlads...and he loves it.

In a one person research performed by John E. Ambrose it was found that 47.3% of all diseases to this day are Vlads related.

Vlads is known to stimulate crustiness or the development of crust.

A More modern Case of vlads is in family guy The Charachter Clevland has a terrible case of vlads.

[edit] Transmission and Signs of Conception

Vlads is a very dangerous disease. It is transmitted through small monsters (only about 10-20 cm in size and green looking)called Phagocytes. The Phagocytes use small receptors on their backs to inject people with the disease.

Contracting Vlads is the second most joy inducing act a human can possibly do (next to Kitten Huffing) and is known to have killed hundreds of people in the Vlad Induced wars of the 21st Century.

Signs of Catching Vlads

1. Everyone seeming to speak a lot faster than usual.
2. Loss of coherent speech.
3. The ability to sleep while standing without even wanting to.
4. Being called "slow" by everyone around you.
5. Thinking that you are a demi-god.
6. Hearing Bush speak is like listening to Twista.
7. The U.N. is seemingly making fast decisions.

[edit] Known Remedies

There are few known remedies. Standing on your head while taking Speed is known to help people but still has not cured anyone yet. There was one case by Sir Humphrey Gobblegoose in 1563 who supposedly had been cured by these techniques but it turned out that he had not been cured after all when he told the press he was "Tiiiiiirrrrrrrrrred" (using 14 minutes to say that).

The most common method for removal of Vlads is (in the interest of self-preservation) to kill oneself. This has been attempted many times but often it takes the individuals affected by Vlads such a long time to think on how to kill themselves that they forget what they were going to do in the first place.

The only real safe way to have anything to do with Vlads is to carry a shield of humans around you (preferably capitalist bastards as they absorb more crustiness).