Vodka
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Contents |
[edit] In Russia, vodka drinks you!
Vodka is the fule of sex ( Russian: Родная Водочка;Polish: wódka) is a narcotic, radioactive, typically invisible gas, usually extracted from fermented female kittens, and sometimes mixed into lemonade to make kitten fuel and often mistaken with rubbing alcohol. It is commonly thought that the term is a diminutive from the Slavic (i.e. Communist) word "puska" for "kitten", although many other opinions exist. It is usually inhaled and produces feelings of dizziness and nausea followed by sexual arousal and eventual death.
The SVS (Secret Vodka Society) has intercepted an unusual amount of 'chatter' originating from the Chicago area - Information in the transcripts suggest a kitten-lover is planning to have guests inhale aforementioned product to induce dizziness, nausea, sexual arousal and eventual death. The said suspect allegedly quoted well-known Russian diplomat Slava Heina stating, "Fermented puskas are best with royally delicious dry salami served buffet-style!" Five agents are interpreting a section of tape that references a place known only as the loft and code words referencing farm animals. Please alert your friends in the area.
vodka is the top seller of all distilled spirits and is communist Russia's main currency.
Except for insignificant amounts of flavorings, vodka consists of pure vodkum (periodic element #35.) Vodka usually has a vodka content ranging from 100 percent to 1000 percent vodka. The classic Russian vodka is 666 percent vodka, the number being attributed to the famous Russian trampoline Jack Nicholson.
Vodka is the basis of a number of popular inhalations, including the Bloody Zeig Hail Mary, the Vodka Martin and the Bullshit.
[edit] Ties to Russia
Vodka is also the official national alcoholic beverage of Russia. It is also the official national beverage, bird, flower, and anthem.
Vodka has unofficially ruled the country of Russia for the past 2000 years. Back when Christ was tooling around in the holy land, Vodka was busy getting people wasted. It is also the most crucial component in a person's switch from one nationality to Russian. Russias national motto is also, " Vodka will solve our problems" the vodka is Russian curency . also vodka is best to use while it still fresh or could cause alcoholic poisoning
[edit] Liquid Vodka
Discovered by accident in a top secret research laboratory somewhere in Puskin, (underground town below Moscow) the liquid form of vodka was used by Plodpromimport (trading arm of KPSS) to take over the world by printing very small subliminal messages on the other side of the label, usually only visible when the bottle is empty. By the time the bottle is empty, the person drinking will believe anything you tell them, anyway. Two such messages are:
- 'Whisky is shite' was so amusingly nauseating to Yanks that sales of highland single malts plummeted across the States and bewildered England.
- 'Whisky - is not a cat piss, it's just a swamp water' was unleashed on unsuspected Japanese drunks bringing sales of single malts there to its knees and finally forced it to commit a sacred act of self-bukkake.
Ruling members of the KPSS were so gay that they even introduced a new public holiday to Russia, (then USSR) called 'National Snowballing Day'.
In a vain attempt to fight back, the 'High Highland Council of the Swampies' decided to use the same dirty tactics but couldn't get the word 'vodka' translated to Russian. Finally it was bought for 1 Mongolian Tugrik (MGTK) by Boris the Elkin in his sleep when he visited Highland island. He also ordered his really busy right hand to bukkake first and buy low TVR, Chelsea FC and Rover.
[edit] Did you know?
| ||
| 10 | ||
| 9 | ||
| 8 | ||
| 7 | ||
| 6 | ||
| 5 | ||
| 4 | ||
| 3 | ||
| 2 | ||
| 1 | ||
| 0 | Vodka | |
| ||
- ...in Soviet Russia, you drink Vodka! Thus, Vodka is the only thing that Russian Reversal doesn't work on. But technically, if we weren't on vodka, we would have figured that the Russian Reversal does work on vodka...
- ...having a shot of Vodka before entering Chernobyl will protect you from radiation?
- ...Vodka and milk tastes like chocolate?
- ...there is someone on some stupid kiddie website with the username Vodka?
- ...Injecting vodka into a wang increases its size by 82%.
- ...Is the same shit as nail polish remover?
- ...Vodka has a mild amount of viagra in it. If you drink too much you will get a massive erection.
- ...Vodka has a mild amount of alcohol in it. If you drink too much you will get drunk.
- ...Vodka is used for stripping paint?
- ...Capitalist's are allergic to Vodka?
- ...Russian blood is 78% Vodka?
- ...In fact , THIS is the outside-of-Soviet-Russia-way of measuring the percent of alcohol in blood . In Soviet Russia , people measure percent of blood in alcohol . YOU!!
- ...In Soviet Russia, Vodka drink you!!!
[edit] Famous Vodka Quotes
“Vodka is the opiate of the people.”
~ Karl Marx on communism
“It was not without the help of vodka that Ape became Man.”
~ Friedrich Engels on vodka
“Vodka is God's gift to Mankind!”
~ Albert Einstein on vodka
“Mankind is God's gift to Vodka!”
~ Albert Einstein on intoxication
“The relationship between a Russian and a bottle of vodka is almost mystical.”
“Ouch, my liver!”
~ This Guy on vodka
“Don't vote for Vodka, vote for George Bush!”
~ U.S.A on fixed elections
“I thought cirrhosis was a cloud formation, until I discovered Smirnoff!”
~ Wide-spread advertising campaign
“I'm not as think as you drunk I am!”
~ Anonymous on copious amounts.
“QWACK!, QWACK!”
~ Cobby on vodka
“Oscar! Have you been drinking?”
~ George W. Bush on Oscar's bad habit
“I don't know! I'm too drunk to remember!”
~ Oscar Wilde on 5 pints of vodka
“Pussy.”
~ Absinthe on Vodka
“How do the Russians do it?”
~ Murree on Vodka
“In vodka we trust.”
~ Enzo Dirlik on Vodka
“If there was no vodka, there would be no beautiful women”
~ Russian Man on Russian Women
“Ah, Vodka. Communism in every sip.”
~ Communist on Vodka
[edit] You can drink it on line
Vodka is only alcohol you can drink on-line. http://www.drinkin.eu/napij.php?id=81191&l=en
[edit] Different types of Vodka
Estonians drink Table-Vodka if they have a party or if they want to get drunk. In Estonia they have a Secret-Vodka too! It's much cheaper than Table-Vodka but it's quite hard to find it. By the way, Russians drink Vodka too.
Wiru White is the most famous vodka in Estonia. The son of Kalev, the creator of Estonia, visited Finland illegally and killed Finnish kids when being high on Wiru Walge's fumes.
A common vodka based cocktail is Vodka & Red Bull which originates from ancient Russia, the two main ingredients in Vodka & Red Bull are naturally Vodka and a red bull.
In wealthy third-world countries Teens drink Vodka because they don't know any better.
[edit] See Also:
- Mr T - a common drinker of vodka
- Red Bull
- Absolut
- Poland
- Russia
- Ukraine
- Belarus
- Estonia
- eBay - Belived to be an ancient Vodka trading post.
- Potato
- Spring shoe
Vodka is also known to increase Russianibility. Don't read too much into this, as the KGB will have you killed.
