Volvo
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A Volvo is another name for a Scandinavian stone brick. Volvo stands for "Vi orsakar Sveriges värsta olyckor", translated to English: "Ve kauses the vørst aksidents in Sweden". As well as being capable of lifting an almost infinite amount of flat-packed balsa wood furniture and plastic tat it also has the capacity to carry two adults, 2.4 children, ten IKEA Billy book shelves
Of all the various types of Volvo's in production their wagons is by many considered their finest. These large cars were designed by a group of jet fighter pilots who know zero about cars, but presumably a lot about stone carving. The one thing they did get right was the logo, which they made trying to replicate the hammer and sicle.
Adult Volvos are tempestuous beasts and can sometimes throw their riders. A simple solution to this is to hide them in the forest or dump them in the nearby lake. This usually suffices to encourage cooperation(if not once over with the cricket bat usually works). Volvo's breed at PTA meetings and have litters of up to 75 young. Most are eaten to provide sustenance, but because young Volvo's are born blind and helpless, they are often cared for and closely monitored during their formative years by friendly car salesmen.
Early Volvo's were actually hand-carved from blocks of Swedish granite by genetically-mutated Norwegian trolls, hence the extremely square-looking shape and large trunk. If Fred Flintstone drove a family-sized station wagon, it would certainly be a Volvo. When the designers were putting together their Top-10 market-leading features, style was definitely not their main concern.
Volvo's are known for their low gas mileage and can run a mile on only one uranium rod.
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[edit] Boring Swedish Efficiency
Volvo's never break down or die. This is because at the beginning of time Schoobert Volvo made a deal with the devil to make his cars the most boring and efficient in the world. He later made another deal with the devil to let the trunks of Volvo's be able to carry a whole IKEA line of furniture and still have room for the dog- There are even reports of a man in Tibet fitting another Volvo into his Volvo, but these reports are largely thought to be untrue and the man in question has been locked up for kitten huffing while driving
Video footage of the effects of kitten huffing on Volvo driving is now available from the following link [1].
[edit] Famous Owners
Paris Hilton owns several Volvo's, including: a red 1979 245 DL Station Wagon, a white 1990 244 DL Sedan, a blue 1959 PV544, a forest green 1992 740 GLE Sedan, & 1993 940 Turbo Wagon.
Angela Lansbury drives a stylish & conservative 1994 VOLVO 960 Sedan, a Volvo S80 sedan, & a 2005 V70 wagon.
Ronald Reagan had a red 1973 Volvo 144 Sedan & a Volvo XC90 SUV.
Former British Prime Minister Mychael Harris has a forest green 1993 VOLVO 240 wagon, a 1965 Volvo P1800 Coupe, a Volvo 262C Bertone Coupe, & he has a whole fleet of classic Volvo's that he collects.
Garrison Keillor is the proud owner of a gun metal gray S60R Sedan with extra seat belts and light alloy rims.
[edit] Volvo 240
Volvo's most popular model made out of large rectangular blocks of Swedish granite. It's the car everyone loves because of it's stylish, timeless design, top notch performance, outstanding driving abilities, good looks and the small, compact size making it ideal for urban transportation.
The 240 also serves many other purposes than just a car. Being able to haul a 6000lbs plow makes this an ideal replacement for your tractor and/or redneck pick-up truck.
[edit] Volvo Chaos Theory
It has been known that if two volvo's collide at any given time in this dimension then a random small car in a small Russian town will actually disintegrate and cause a rip in the fabric of space and time, this is the only known reason for athletics.
[edit] See also
