World War III

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World War III
American soldiers in the Republic of China
War began: 2001
War finished: 2021(what a good feeling)
Place: Europe, Pacific, Asia, Middle-East, North America, South America and Caribbean
Result: Axis victory
Impacts of War: over 600 million people died, major reorganisation of world powers
Fighting parties of War
The Axis Germany Italy Nazi Mexico Venezuela North Korea Iran Saudi Arabia Poland France India Syria Libya Have-nuke-istan Kentuckistan The Peoples Republic of China Communist Mexico Zimbabwe Ireland Sinn Fein Egypt Jordan Afghanistan	The Allied United States Russia United Kingdom Canada South Africa Australia New Zealand Northern Ireland Mongolia Kazakhstan Absurdistan Turkmenistan Japan South Korea Serbia United Federation of Planets Sweden Israel Anti-Communist Mexico

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about World War III.

World War III (abbreviated WWIII), or the Third World War, is the current worldwide military conflict; the amalgamation of two separate conflicts, one beginning with the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, causing the United States at the time president George W. Bush to start the War on Terror and to invade Afghanistan, and the other beginning in the Republic of China, 2013, with the invasion of the People's Republic of China. It is regarded as the historical successor to World War II. This came as a surprise to most well informed radicals because it was believed that had these events not came to be, the Swiss would have launched thermonuclear warheads at Canada, then blaming the innocent Germans creating a favorable economy boost. However, these events did happen without the Swiss... or did they?

This global conflict split a majority of the world's nations into two opposing (three including the TWP) military alliances: the Allies and the Axis. Spanning almost all of the globe, World War III resulted in the deaths of over 600 million people, making it the deadliest conflict in human history.

World War III was the most widespread war in history, and countries involved mobilized more than 1000 million military personnel. Total war erased the distinction between civil and military resources and saw the complete activation of a nation's economic, industrial, and scientific capabilities for the purposes of the war effort; nearly two-thirds of those killed in the war were civilians.

The conflict ended in an Axis/Allied (Some powers switched sides at the last moment) victory. As a result, North Korea and Russia emerged as the world's two leading superpowers, setting the stage for World War IV in the next 23 years. Self determination gave rise to decolonization/independence movements in Africa and the Middle-East, while the United States itself began the road leading to the American Occupation.

Meanwhile, a budget war was beginning in Africa, where a bunch of third world kids started throwing rocks at each other over what appeared to be a stray peice of bread from Italy. Thus giving it the name: "Third-world War" Also see: Origins of "sticks and stones" saying.

[edit] Course of the war

The world trade centers that were hit on September 11, 2001. Either that or the sexual striptease with flaming boobs that one skyscraper did.

In 2008, Barack Obama of the Democratic Party became president of the United States. Under the Democrats, the United States began to rearm and to pursue a new nationalist foreign policy. By 2012, Obama also began demanding the cession of territories which had historically been part of the British Empire, like Canada and Australia. However, this plan failed and two factions formed because of it: The British Commonwealth, and the Christian Republic of Jesusland. But both sides were able to put aside their differences to fight the Nazi's/Terrorists/Communists.

In July, 2013, Jesusland launched a large scaled invasion of mainland China, because they would not back down and allow them to claim the Republic of China as an overseas territory. This began with the bombing of Shanghai and Guangzhou. The Chinese fought hard and managed to repel the invasion.

In Asia, North Korea, and China disliked the United States superpower and decided to overtake it. In September, 2015, North Korea invaded the ROC taking the Republic of China from Jesusland and war in the Middle-East followed. The United States and British did not declare war at first, hoping they could persuade North Korea through appeasement, but they did not respond.

In 2016, North Korea captured Japan and parts of Mongolia in the spring, this led to the Russians launching nukes reducing Pyongyang to a pile of radioactice ash, however the North Koreans didn't retaliate because they would have been wiped off the face of the earth. In the early summer the United Kingdom was targeted by the Axis; the Irish attempted to cut the UK off from vital supplies and obtain air superiority in order to make a seaborne invasion possible. This never came to pass, but the Irish continued to attack the British mainland for a further three months until the British realised that the Derry Oil Refinery was still pumping fuel into the Republic of Ireland, the government promptly cut off oil supplies crushing the Irish war effort and enabling them to capture Ireland.

In June, 2017, the war expanded dramatically when North Korea invaded the the United States, the North Korean attack started strong, overrunning great tracts of American territory, but began to stall by the winter.

In May 2018, the Japanese took the Republic of China for themselves after managing to defeat the North Koreans.

Since being invaded by the United States in 2001, Afghanistan had been subjected to increasing economic sanctions by Russia and was attempting to reduce these sanctions through diplomatic negotiations. In December, 2017, however, the war expanded again when Afghanistan, already into its sixteenth year of war with the United States, which was on hold due to the Treaty of Kabul, launched near simultaneous attacks against the United States and British assets in South-east Asia; four days later, Afghanistan declared war against the Allies. This brought the United States and Afghanistan into the greater conflict and turned previously separate Asian, European and North American wars into a single global one.

In 2019 Jesusland suffered devastating losses to the North Koreans, then they found out that the British and the Russians had turned on them, the greatest tank battle waged by the Americans in military history had begun. Their forces were expelled from South America, and former Allied forces began driving southward down through Texas and Mexico. The Americans continued to lose ground as the North Korean forces seized island after island in the Caribbean.

In 2020, the outcome of the war was becoming clearly unfavorable for the Allies. The United States became boxed in as the Russian offensive became a juggernaut in the east, pushing the Americans out of New England while the British launched a major sea attack from the east while assisting both the Russians and the Mexicans.

In 2021 the war ended. In Asia, a final American counter-attack in the west failed, while British forces captured Washington, D.C. in May, forcing Jesusland to surrender. In the Middle-East, Russian forces captured Afghanistan, initially unwilling to surrender. Jesusland finally capitulated after the Russians sent troops to help the British and the North Koreans dropped nuclear bombs on Texas. A man named Cory Patriot the 4th tried to start a Second American Revolutionary War but the British strapped him to a chair and forced him to watch PBS for the rest of his days.

[edit] Countries/Factions

The Earth during World War III. Countries/factions include Jesusland, the Nazis/terrorists/Communists, and the Chinese Empire.

• Red: The British Commonwealth: The remains of the free world. Consists of counties such as Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and, believe it or not, Cuba!
• Gold: Jesusland.
• Blue: the USASR (Union of Soviet Anti-Socialist Republics]]
• Black: The Axis of Evil (includes Nazis, Communists and Terrorists). It is lead by Benito Mussolini. Germany, Italy,are just a few members.
• Yellow: China and it's allies: The world's new superpower, which is rapidly taking over Asia.
• Brown: Japan and South Korea
• Green: Spanish and Sometimes Portuguese Armada. If you speak Spanish and sometimes Portuguese, and are not a Nazi, you belong here!
• Gay-Pink: The League of Wussy Nations, led by France.
• Grey: The League of Wussy Nations that Hate France, led by Sweden.
• Khaki: Iran.

[edit] Conflicts in Each Continent

What Earth's atmosphere looks like during one of Jesusland's bombing runs

[edit] Africa

• Many of the corrupt governments of the north, have either pledged allegiance to the Nazis, or have been taken over by them.
• East, West and Central Africa have joined France because their armed forces are already overstretched fighting civil wars.
• South Africa remained in the control of the Commonwealth while fending off attacks from Zimbabwe which had joined the Axis.

[edit] Asia

• The Japanese have made great advances since their initial attack plans to invade China and Taiwan. They now control much of Southeast Asia].
• The Chinese conquered Southeastern Asia easily after the cultural war between Malaysia and Indonesia but had their arses kicked by the Japanese.
• Mongolia and the USASR have organized into defensive positions, and the Nazis are losing their territory in Central Asia.

[edit] Europe

• The Nazis control central and southern Europe.
• The USSR and the Nazis once again share a buffer zone in Poland.
• Poland's leader no longer tolerates being a buffer zone and thus declare that their govt. will be auctioned off to the highest bidder.
• The French were defeated (again)
• Italy got wiped off the map for creating an error in the alliance list by swapping sides one too many times.
• Britain has re-conquered Ireland.
• Holland bombs Denmark.

[edit] The United Federation of Planets

• The UFP briefly joined the World War III when the USS Enterprise entered German airspace due to a Temporal Shift. The Enterprise (Commanded by Jean-Luc Picard, William Riker and Chuck Norris (Future)) fired phasers at the Nazis before stopping off at McDonald's, Burger King and KFC headquarters so Norris could beat Ronald McDonald, The Burger King and Colonel Sanders at arm-wrestling all at the same time. The Enterprise then returned to it's timeline to kill some Ferengi.

[edit] Middle East

• Shortly after the war begun, Osama Bin Laden fled to China, believing that he would not stand out. In response, the Chinese declared themselves, "good communists" and executed the terrorist.
• Jesusland has retained control of Israel and Iraq, but attacks by the Nazi terrorists aren't helping the situation.

Greece sends 300 spartans to Turkey.

[edit] The Americas

• Things have been relatively peaceful in North America after the Commonwealth defeated Jesusland and signed a pact with the Russians to attack the Nazis and Chinese. However, no one knows how long this peace will last before the two turn on each other
• The Nazis have moved into Mexico from Columbia and Venezuela, causing Jesusland's boarder patrols to be on high alert of an attack.
• Fidel Castro shocked the world when he joined the Axis. Castro stated that as long as he wasn't allied with Jesusland, there would be no problem with the alliance. Cuba's important supply of cigars have kept the troops happy and thus Cuba's protection is a high priority.
• South America has been quiet. Perhaps too quiet... Somes say that they are preparing to assault the other superpowers with their ridiculous amount of coffee, sex, and drugs.
• Anti-Communist Mexico forms into a allied nation after Anti-Nazi and Anti-Communist in the part of the country.One part of Mexico forms into Anti-nazi and Anti-communist agansit Neo-communism, established by the Americans.More likley to be only be Baja California
• For no reason at all, Northern Ireland, under the command of Ian Paisley, invaded and held Florida, it is now used as a colony for excess Catholics.

[edit] Australia

• Not too much to say. Australia was barely involved in the war at all.

• But rumor has it that Australia is building a huge army of kangaroos and koalas to attack the Chinese, which will end up killing everyone else when they realize it's too late. Ah, well.

• Kevin Rudd was assasinated when he considered breaking the alliance with Britain and joining the Chinese in 2010.

New Zealand

• Perfectly safe in the southern heartland of the British Commonwealth. The Hobbits and the sheep have retained control.

• The French offered to invade New Zealand just so they could feel like they were a part of the war, but New Zealand politely declined.

[edit] Antartica

• A penguin has died since the confrontation. This has infuriated the world so much that it has caused people to wonder if the end of the world is coming soon due to Global Warming.
• Antartica started building a Nuclear program under the reigime of Emperor Penguin. Named Kim Penguin il
• There are rumors of a polar alliance uniting the Penguins in the south and Bears in the North. It is possible that a massive offensive will soon be waged to squeeze out the global warming humans and reestablish the former glory of the ice age.

[edit] Aftermath of the war

United States occupation zones in 2022 after Axis territorial annexations.

The end of the war handed all of the American Empire colonies (such as Alaska), to Russia, thus creating the beginning of the Russian Empire which stayed prominent for 23 years until WWIV.

In 2023, Afghanistan leader devised the "Southern States Recovery Program", better known as SSRP. Effective from 2024 to 2044, it allocated 13 billion dollars for the reconstruction of the southern united states (New Afghanistan). Of America's three zones of colonization, coordinated by the Axis Control Council, the Russian and North Korean zones joined in 2025 as the Federal Republic of America, and the Afgahan zone became the New Afghanistan Democratic Republic. In America, economic suppression and denazification took place for several years. Millions of Americans were expelled from their homelands as a result of the territorial annexations in the Federal Republic of America, and many killed in New Afghanistan. Mainstream estimates of American casualties from this process range 2–4 million. Apart from annexing Ireland the British Commonwealth did little in the way of territorial expansion, Although the British Commonwealth is looking to jumpstart the Empire again, planning to invade India in 2027. It is unlikely that the Indians will put up much of a fight because their entire armed forces were kidnapped by the French.

[edit] Concentration camps and slave work

The American Occupation was the killing of approximately twelve million Americans, as well as another six million others who were deemed "unworthy of life" as part of a program of deliberate extermination planned and executed by the National Socialist government in New Afghanistan.

[edit] Chronologically

• 00:00 01- France surrenders
• 11:59- The Netherlands declares independence from Denmark, Denmark likes it
• 11:59.59- The Netherlands bomb Denmark because Denmark insulted them by asking: "You make French cheese?"
• 12:00- France Nukes Canada(miscalculation)
• Around 13:15- Canada Denounces French attack and bombs the Yukon (miscalculation again)
• 13:18- Miscalculation of the Canadian bomb blows Iceland to pieces
• 13:19- Donald Trump rises and commands the world to do his bidding.
• 13:20- Eskimos declare a spear war with Canada
• 13:20- France surrenders again
• 13:21- All Canadians dead
• 13:37- Russians drink vodka
• 13:50- Michael J. Fox beheads Eminem. Then dies of Parkinson's disease. Succeeded by Jerry Springer.
• 13:54- Jerry Springer breaks Donald Trump's neck and halts the warring in most Countries.
• 13:55- England declares tea break and jolly game of Croquet.
• 14:00- Jerry Springer declares peace.
• 14:01- Fruitopia attacks the Canadian North
• 14:02- Russians drink more vodka
• 14:10- Tom Cruise saves the world from aliens, no one cares because he is one
• 14:31- Fruitopians attack Pony Land
• 14:58- Satan bombs Lake Eerie, the former gravesite of the notorious gangster, Winnie the Pooh
• 15:05- Kim Jungle the Ill boogies down to "I feel ronely", while ordering a mass nuclear attack on the United States of America
• 15:09- Russians drink even more vodka.
• 15:10- Fruitopians bomb dream valley, Pony Land
• 15:11- A version 1.2 of Estonians is launched. Now they are able to make short conversations.
• 15:12- American Issues n00b attack with army armed with AWPS
• 15:13- Sir Ian Mckellan and his homosexual colleagues pick up their sex toys and invade defenseless Argentina, and its mass population of Ilamas
• 15:14- A trojan horse virus orders all 1.2 version Estonians to march into the ocean
• 15:15- All Ilamas are forever scarred
• 15:16- Oprah eats a quarter of the Llama population. War declared by the Llama council
• 15:20- Fruitopians reach Ponyville, Battle of Ponyville begins
• 15:22- President Kris Kringle realizes the world will soon end, and makes a final last ditch effort to touch all the naughty boys and girls around the world
• 15:20- Michael J. Fox has the Jesus Complex, he is resurrected under an overpass.
• 15:25- Michael J. Fox mobilizes his army of mermen and mermaids, and invades the burly state of Wisconsin, killing all Packers fans in the way
• 15:26- Fruitopians win battle of the Tundra
• 15:27- Darth Benedict enters the scene (With the Imperial March playing as his theme music) He reads the last rites of men, and hitches a ride to the Death Star, provided by retreating Martians
• 15:29- World Peace is declared
• 15:29:04- World War starts up again
• 15:31- Greenland Bombs Iran
• 15:33- Russians continue to pile on the vodka.
• 15:35- Remaining squirrels join Russia and drink their vodka, Russians not amused
• 15:35:50- All squirrels die
• 15:36- All Canadians are resurrected.
• 15:47- Kermit the Frog is thrown through the Penguin Embassy's window.
• 15:48- Russians drink the last of their country's vodka, invade Ireland
• 16:00- The Penguins mass and kill 57.8% of the humans.
• 16:01- They are outside my door.
• 16:02- They're in the house
• 16:03- Oh shit
• 16:04- Oprah beheaded by the Llama war council
• 17:59- Corry Ferris officially declared a Communist by the penguin proletariat, also declared guilty of penguin sodomy in censure.
• 18:00- The British Empire rises again and almost wipes out the penguins.
• 18:01- Iran sells the bomb scraps and triples their economy

to Finland. The Swedish population are forced to worship Odin and Thor as their gods.

• 18:21- Corry Ferris executed by penguin proletariat with extreme prejudice, show offered on pay per view.
• 19:04- Japan makes more shitty cartoons
• 19:05- World leaders too busy watching Naruto to fight, world peace accidentally declared

[edit] The Next Day

• 0:02- Russians have a massive vodka-induced orgy. Many die in the process.
• 0:04- A massive climate change takes place and has no effect on the penguin masses.
• 0:46- Average temp: 106 degrees below
• 1:06- 27 remaining Russians eat Vodkasicles
• 2:07- Remaining humans revolt against the Penguin army Battle of the Icebergs
• 4:59- End of Battle of the Iceburgs humans retreat
• 5:00- End of Battle of Ponyville, all My Little Ponies are dead
• 5:00- only 4,000 humans remain, they try and come up with a plan
• 5:03- The remaining 6 Russians eat more Vodkasicles
• 5:05- English move in and ready the longbows, carnage ensues
• 5:05:16- Penguins get owned, war ends
• 5:06- the world celebrates
• 5:06:02- remaining Russians (all 3 of them) celebrate by eating vodkasicles
• 5:10: Atlantis rises out of Lake Supierior
• 5:11: Atlantis nukes Easter Island, Easter bunny is dead
• 5:30: Atlantis invades Easter Island and is cut down my machine gun fire from entrenched bunnies
• 5:45: All Atlantians die from AIDS
• 6:10- The Fruitopians have know taken over Canada, Gerard Way holds a Black Parade.
• 6:12 Laser Kittens use their lasers to reheat the world.
• 6:13 There is great rejoicing, but no more Vodkasicles
• 6:13.02 Mr. T the III rises up as leader of the remaining humans and finds oil and more Vodkasicles in whatever is left of Ireland.
• 6:22 Someone realises that this war just got a bit stupid...
• 6:25 Everyone signs a peace treaty and goes to Mcdonalds
• 6:26 America eats the fries at the bottom of the bag, Russia spills vodka on America and everyone gets pissed.
• 6:27 War starts again between 2000 English, 2000 Americans and 3 remaining russians
• 6:28 3 remaining Russians continue drinking vodka
• 6:42 Russians die in a car accident; DUI.
• 6:56 Americans and English debate what is better, Croquet or WRAAASLIN.
• 6:57 they give up on that because they are both rubbish, and decide to change the name of American football to rugby
• 6:57:04 The dead Russians suddenly spring to life in the morgue as they were just unconscious from vodka
• 6:59 Russians celebrate life by drinking more vodka

[edit] Day 3

• 0:00 The Taliban joins in the fun!
• 0:01 The Taliban has been defeated by the Netherlands.
• 0:20 International Space Station nukes everybody, cleansing the world of its madness
• 1:30 Radioactive Turtles take over Britain
• 2:50 Survivors (3 Russians) attempt to form a commune
• 5:00 Russia is nuked 3 more times by the Mir
• 6:00 In-Stasis Ninja's on the International Space Station repopulate the world
• 6:30 America enters war, Backed by New England and Australia
• 12:00 At midnight, the President of India, Mrs.Italy Gandhi, the great-granddaughter of Mr.Rahul Gandhi, says, "India has won the World War III, by just editing the content of a page in Uncyclopedia. Thank you everybody. Peace!".
• 12:01 A massive bomb is dropped on the presidential house in India and Australia wins the world war.
• 12:05 Watermelons destroy the planet with mayonnaise and all life in the galaxy is ended, other galaxies celebrate.
• 13:27 Watermelons successfully destroy the universe, other galaxies now not so happy.
• 14:00 Watermelons search universe for life but find none.
• 14:01 Watermelons drink Vodka.
• 14:01:10 Upon realising (and if you think it's spelt wrong then you can go to hell idiot) that Watermelons can't drink, the Watermelons implode. All that is left is Vodka.
• 14:01:11 All Irishmen and Russians come back at the smell of free Vodka.
• 14:01:12 All Irishmen binge drink Vodka.
• 14:01:13 All Irishmen die.
• 14:01:14 Russians drink Vodka.
• 14:02 Rosie O'Donnell comes back to life and all Russians run away screaming.
• 14:05 Canadians come back to life and beat Rosie O'Donnell to death with moose antlers.
• 14:10 Some British guy comes along and claims to be Harry Potter.
• 14:11 All Canadians die of laughter.
• 14:12 All watermelons brought back to life to be held accountable for near human extinction and are sentenced to death.
• 14:13 All Russians die from alcohol poisoning
• 14:14 Random British guy kicks Canadian bodies until braking ankle and he falls into an unknown far away planet where he is hailed as a space god for some reason until the creatures realise he killed all the canadians and threw him back into space.
• 14:18 (at this point some time has elapsed) random British guy meets up with Russian alcoholic anonymous (not many people in that i dare say) and they start human life again in a non-alcoholic wizard style (Random British guy claims to be Harry Potter).
• 17:59 Australians fly in and bomb the shit out of all the Russian non-alcoholic wizards and take over the new world (don't ask me how they survived)
• 19:45 Journal of the head the Russian alcoholic anonymous is found. it is discovered that she was the one and only ever sober Russian.
• 20:00 A minutes silence is held by whoever survived the bloodbath, to mourn all those who died.
• 20:01 (Roughly a minute later) A minutes partying is held for all those who deserved to die. Such names as Oprah, Tom Cruise and Al Gore came up often in this mad party.
• 20:01 A group people steal all the booze from the two parties, stashing it in the dead corpse of Michael Moore. These people form a cult, known as the Booziens.
• 20:02 The Booziens are sued for Copywright Infringments.
• 20:03 The ex-Booziens change there name to "The Cult of Binge Drinkers", or TCBD
• 21:04 Back at the party, people were recovering slightly from there hangovers, and noticed that all the Beer was gone.
• 21:04 (Roughly half a mili-second later) People instantly put the blame on the Irish, but realise soon that they're all dead.
• 22:00 People look around, and find the hide out of TCBD.
• 22:05 A plan is formed to get win back the stolen booze, and hopefully some credit cards as well.
• 23:00 The Booze Retrieval Squad do there best to get back the stolen booze, but are caught in the process.
• 24:00 Realising they are under attack, TCBD fight back. And yet another World War has begun!
• 24:00:01 France surrenders.

[edit] day4

• 00:00:00:00:01 France surrenders.
• 05:05:34 Germany declares war on the world, BUT ESPECIALLY JEWS
• 08:57:93 Everyone but Turkey declares war or Germany
• 09:00:02 France surrenders
• 09:00:03 Because the British Empire is a universal constant, the collective laws of physics propel it back into existence.
• 10:00:00 Russians celebrate the end of the war by drinking vodka
• 10:00:03 All Russians die due to alcohol poisoning
• 10:10:34 Russians come back to life
• 10:10:35 Russians celebrate by drinking vodka
• 10:29:37 Russian general places shot glass on nuclear launch button
• 12:58:28 Russian missiles hit France
• 12:50:29 France is destroyed
• 12:50:30 Everyone celebrates with the Russians by drinking vodka
• 12:50:31 Everyone dies due to alcohol poisoning
• 12:50:32 Oscar Wilde steals Harry Potter's wand
• 12:50:33 Oscar Wilde brings everyone back to life
• 12:50:34 War starts all over again
• 12:51:46 War ends because of the pointlessness of it.
• 12:51:47 Everyone celebrates by drinking vodka
• 12:51:48 Everyone dies due to alcohol poisoning
• 13:30 The last nation standing are the Dutch.
• 13:40 Every single nation comes back to life again, thanks to the Dutch (because they made some chemical stuff), and all the natinons start to fight again.