WWIII.V
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“I've covered this war”
~ Frank West on WWIII.V
World War III.V ( aka World War 3.5 ) was started when King Louis XVII!LOLO!!1III decided his country had gone too long without a good sense of nationalism and decided to invade Germany. He chose Germany for a couple reasons. The Spanish smelled weird, they were tired of getting sodomised by the British, the Swiss were wimps and the Italians had developed a sort of magnetic effect on bullets. The first funny joke, Knock Knock, helped the king invade Germany.
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[edit] WAR! .5
The war progressed slowly at first, before King Louis XVII!LOLO!!1III was informed that he actually had to let someone else know that he was invading another country, to the dismay of Knock Knock. Within 2 days, the Germans were conquered. Two weeks later, Poland was overthrown by the captured German army. The British went into a turtle-like funk (whatever the fuck that means), the regular suspects went neutral, and the French army, meeting little other resistance and not used to actually being the ones in charge, promptly surrendered to themselves. For a week, King Louis XVII!LOLO!!1III was the only person in France who hadn't surrendered to himself.
[edit] Französisch in Kanada
In Canada, the Quebecers got all uppity about the French actually winning a war, and all began to get bees in their bonnets, or as the québecois might put it, "Avoir le merde dans les lobes d'oreilles de ton poisson" (The people of Quebec are known for their horrible translating skills).
So they used the only weapon available to them at the time: A horrible weapon of mass-artery-obstruction, Poutine. Unfortunately, the weapon only worked in large quantities, and required the victim's mouth to be open in order for it to have effect. Still, over 1 million Canadians died in the years thereafter from overexposure to poutine. This is how the revolts got their infamous if perhaps uncreative name, The Poutine Revolts.
Meanwhile, Knock Knock was slain on his flag ship, the Regavar, by Sir Alec Guiness.
[edit] USA! USA! É-U! É-U!
The involvement of the USA was limited at this point to financial support of the Poutine revolts. The population was for the most part ignorant of the events taking place. It took a year for the news to get to the ears of the republican interior, despite the best efforts of the "Democratic Wall" of the US coastal media.
The next obstacle they had to overcome was making up a reason to go to war, and then to decide who to support (The decision making process must occur in that order. It doesn't matter whether or not the two parts relate to one another.).
- Reason
- The French smelled too much like cheese and sodomy to let live.
- Support
- The British presented far more of a challenge in the long run, so fighting them over some cheese-eating surrender monkeys would be silly.
[edit] Eets the américans! Quick! To the hall of capitulation!
The Americans landed in Paris 4 months after joining, and after thoroughly turning all major French cities into large smily faces made of rubble, in order to put an air of happiness and laughter into the complete and total annihilation of civilized areas.
[edit] Fin
And, as is french tradition, surrender was the only viable option, even though they still outnumbered american troops 3 to 1, and they still controlled a large chunk of eastern europe.
[edit] So, why III.V and not IV? Seems kinda stupid to me..
It only counts as a half a war because of two things. First, it was less than half as long as the other world wars before it. Second, it was led by the French. Any war led by the french deserves less recognition than other wars. These are the reasons, and not because this article was created after someone had already taken the name World War IV.
