Waffle iron
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A waffle iron is a household appliance designed for the purpose of removing the natural indentations from the lateral surfaces of natural waffles so that they may be eaten in relative safety.
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[edit] The Dangerous Side of Waffles
Unbeknownst to most ignorant people, the typical waffle in its wild state usually has thousands of huge gaping potholes into which all kinds of dangerous things would inevitably crawl, such as ants, termites, cockroaches, centipedes, beatles, boll weevils, maple syrup, Hervé Villechaize, and heavily-armed German soldiers. Standard disinfectants have been proven to be totally ineffective for treating enemy-occupied waffles, because the invaders usually carry gas masks and prefer to hunker down for the duration of the war. Waffles have also beeen known to swallow young children and encourage genocide.
[edit] The Waffle Iron Helps to End the European Half of the War
In 1944, Belgian nuclear scientists came up with a viable solution to this insidious problem: a gigantic mechanical device that, with efficient utilization of repetitive pounding forces delivered by a large blunt instrument, slowly transforms the waffle's topological nightmare into a surface so amazingly smooth that melted butter would just slide off of it. The melted butter forces the brutal invaders to loosen their choking grip on the devastated battlefield, thereby permitting the allies to sweep them off the face of the waffle with their superior firepower.
[edit] The Waffle Iron Helps to Prolong the Cold War
Soon after the successful conclusion of the War to end all Wars, and just before the outbreak of the next one, government-surplus waffle irons were put to relatively peaceful usage in relatively domesticated American Suburbia. Today, no homemaker's home is complete without a sleek ultramodern waffle iron with which to batter, thwack, and otherwise physically abuse a raw waffle into abject submission, until it lies helpless on the floor, broken and bleeding, flatter than a pancake.
