Wakefield
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“This is Wakefield!!!!”
~ Leonidas on Madness
Wakefield was founded in 666 by Leonidas of Sparta and was to be used as strong hold for the Spartan Army of Greece. The strong hold was to be used a training camp for the invasion of Bradstain which had been captured by the Persian Army in 665 BC.
In the Crimean War, the declaration of hostilities was signed on behalf of "The senate and people of The United Kingdom of Great Britain, and the Principality of Wakefield and assorted rhubarb conglomerates". Unfortunately, Wakefield, disenfranchised by the English progress during the crimean war, seceded from the United Kingdom, and joined Norway and Lichtenstein in the Tri-partate pact. When the Crimean war ended, therefore, the peace declaration was signed only on behalf of the "United Kingdom of England and Billie Piper". Due to this clerical error, Wakefield was left technically at war with Russia until 1960, when the error was identified. On a side-note, it was decided that since no formal declaration of was had originated from Billie Piper, that she must have been at war with Russia since the Big Bang, and so was instantly declared a war criminal.
The king of Wakefield immediately sent a letter to the Kremlin demanding their surrender. Russia, obviously in awe of Wakefield's commanding position as top of the Cotton Industry and Cat-swinging alliance, also fearful of Lichtensteins arsenal of Butter Guns surrendered. Wakefield was nominated as the new capital of Russia and titled "Gorbachevograd".
This was not Wakefield's first war, however, and nor was it to be its last. It was certainly the only one which used dairy weaponry, and we're pretty certain it's the only one where time-travelling fried eggs didn't have to swoop in to save the day.
[edit] WakeSpartans vs Bradistan Persain Army 1066 AD
After many years of training in the camps of Wakefield near Ackworth the 'WakeSpartan' army marched upon the fiery gates of the north near Huddersfield and brutally spooned its occupants to death aided by the state-of-the-art "spoon lady". ^^The crushing of huddersfield did not take long, sinice their was week and full of chav's.^^ [who the hell wrote that, name and current address please]
The curshing of Bradistan occurred in 1099 AD, it was thought that air freshner was used to defeat Bradstains small army of curry lovers.
also....theres due tobe a new war,against the yobs,urghhhh
wakefield is home to the most monsterous of creatures....the astrid! she is so big she makes your 20 stone mum look like a fly.
[edit] The Town Itself, is so much nicer than Huddersfield
Wakefield is well known for its endless supply of the vital energy source rhubarb, which powers England. Rhubarb is a narcotic which is illegal in practically all parts of the world. It is considered a Schedule I drug in North America and Class A drug in the UK. Most of the world’s supply of rhubarb comes from the secretive “Rhubarb Triangle” gang. The local criminal gang (which controls much of West Yorkshire) holds a “Wakefield Festival of Food, Drink and Rhubarb” each year to keep the local people happy. It is rumoured that the Rhubarb Triangle are plotting to replace the Denby Dale Pie with a massive rhubarb crumble.
Two buildings within close proximity to one another - Wakefield Sixth Form College and the Wakefield Police Station - are the nerve centres of the criminal gang. It is common to see anti-rhubarb pickets in Wakefield. It is unknown where the rhubarb comes from, with several theories being debated EVEN AS WE SPEAK. One example location is the mysterious "rhubarb farm" believed to be located between Wakefield and Lofthouse. In Japan, they eat rhubarb raw, although it is usually smoked.
There are several common sights in Wakefield, with the Folding Tower of Pisa being perhaps the most famous. At noon everyday, this monument folds in on itself, creating a vortex in the space-time flux and several photo opportunities. Another famous sight in Wakefield is the goth-scav war, which can be seen on most days as the scavs attempt to wrestle control of Wakefield Cathedral from the goths. However, as the goths hold the higher ground, the scavs have so far been unsuccessful. A scav is like a chav, but from Wakefield.
When visiting Wakefield, make sure you have a go on the Westgate Run, where hundreds of tramps and pissed students from Wakefield College attempt to crawl from one side of Wakefield to the other, while "posh people" from decent schools like QEGS whip them with bamboo and cover them in seasalt. Most recently, Wakefield has become home to a new school, HMS Wakefield, opened by Bob Dylan especially so that young Wakefield chavs can 'reap just what they sow'.
[edit] Districts
Belle Vue - Nice currys
Agbrigg - Nicer currys...
Sandal - posh people live here apart from the ones that are near agbrigg
Durkar - no one's heard of it
Crigglestone - what a name.. criggle - stone... whats a criggling and why did the stone do it
Crofton - where intimidating old people is a sport
Walton - one of the worlds most boring places
Kettlethorpe - also know as shittlethorpe
Lupset - is near bargain booze
Normanton - also known as sin city. The best part is the road out of the town
Calder Grove - try saying it with a plum up your arse....
East Ardsley - pretends to be in leeds.
Stanley- fucking stupid name, thinks its outwood
Carr Gate - (posh) we learn to drive there
Argos corner - a kerb crawlers heaven...
Eastmoor - like chapeltown - guns and drugs drugs and guns
Portobello - where druggies as on the door and ask for tin foil
Thornes - something about the shit college
Newmillerdam - Its a dam and its damn posh but why a new miller...it should be damnposhdam??
North elmsall is not a place
Wakefield Town Centre - goths and emos and scavs n druggies all unite... and fight... around the cathedral
Alverthorpe - useless piece of shit
--In Alverthorpe: Canning Avenue and Child(Abuser)s Road - haven for paedophiles with a primary school soooo nearby!
Outwood - Has its own train station so it doesn't count
Woodkirk - pretends to be nr leeds
Pontefract - A haven for pregnant 15 year olds
South Elmsall - Voted the best place to live in the world 2008
South Kirkby home to jack davis and his mother has masif tits.
Sharlston - Where the old people congrigate to lynch nonces
Streethouse - Bagdad is a nicer place to live
Featherstone - Royston vasey, flat cap country
Castleford - a shit night out. no seriously. its shit. its made out of shit. ITS SHIT!
whitly is not part of this district but every1 from there is wwank and the place is a pile of shite
