Walrus

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“But I was being a Walrus!”

~ Chris Turk on putting straws in his nose

“WHAR ISH MAH BUKKAT!?”

~ Walrus on Bukkat

A tribe of Eggmen attempting to take down a walrus. They were later found twenty-five miles under the sea with their intestines protruding from their eye sockets.

This article is about a confused walrus who thinks he is you and you are him and he is him and they are all together. He also is mildly retarded which is why he also thinks he is the eggman from Sonic the HedgeHog. He also eats oysters, and pisses off carpenters who are actually pimply Moravian drug dealers. Jesus also recommends you smoke up a little bud and relax and float down stream.

The walrus, (prenounced Woolworths, plural Walrii) is a super fatty species of the pinnipeds, a semi-aquatic vampiric tusked mammal from outer space that resides in cool climates. Its most notable feature is its large tusks which it uses to gore its prey and suck out their blood. In the late 1800s it became associated with carpenters such as Karen Carpenter and Jesus. The commonly used plural of walrus is walrii, even though the correct usage is walruses (according to Grammar Nazis). This should be noted when trekking through their breeding grounds, as nothing offends a walrus more than poor english, or singing about narcotic penguins. it just pisses them off. For this reason, Paris Hilton (who has changed her last name to "squiggles" after leaving jail a "changed person"), is on the Walrus' Most Hated list, along with chris brown, and frank the pineapple.

The Louisiana Walrus was discovered in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, in 2003. Several different species can be found. They look similar to severely obese women. The Louisiana Walrus is commonly mistaken for human beings and they are sometimes served at Burger King.

1 The Origin of the Walrus
2 Bringers of happiness
3 As a member of The Beatles
4 Walrus Hunt
5 Trivia
6 The Case of the Missing Bucket
7 See Also

[edit] The Origin of the Walrus

It has been recently discovered that the walrus species is descended from miss Rignall . This has angered many who believed it was created by a very high insect, but the sad truth is that the walrus is simply a modern form of overweight Dawn fieldings,

 It is also known that Jamie Hyneman is the outcome of when Hugh Hefner had his first man-on-animal intercourse.

Also Dawn fielding has a massive penis she inherited from her cats pet walrus

[edit] Bringers of happiness

"Wanna come for a swim? The water's nice and warm today, thanks to your global warming!

Walrii have the capability to bring happiness to anyone they touch. Walrii were used by the United Nations in the World Wars to keep the dictators from being angry (through carpet bombing, as of the 60s walruses are endangered). Walrii are also used as an interrogation method, because of overwhelming happiness, the person exposed easily gives away the truth! Screw forensics, hello walrii! The walrus can also do kick-boxing, despite its lack of legs or ability to wear gloves.

Walrii, however, can also be extremely volatile creatures, with short tempers that can be angered by such things as bad knock-knock jokes, improper silverware placement, human pheromones, the numbers 23 through 67, and the occasional rugby match. Do not look walrii in the eye, or else they will morph into Xenu like a transformer bot and destroy your shit.

Walrii are also used as a spice to add flavor and amusement to any dish. Just like ginger and garlic, any amount of walrus added to food can only be an improvement.

The tusks of the walrii are extremely potent aphrodesiacs, so powerful one tusk would keep Hugh Hefner alive for another 12.5 seconds.

You can not argue with a walrus. You may try, but it will be in vain. A lot of vain.

and my mom had a big penis so did dad

[edit] As a member of The Beatles

Often known as the Seventh Beatle, he still got the most chicks.

The Walrus was possibly the most well-known member of The Beatles. He joined in 1963 as a backup electric guitar player. (Because he invented the electric guitar, that's why.) After Stuart Sutcliffe died that year he became a permanent member. On a bad acid trip in 1967 he wrote the famous song I Am the Walrus, which, though a minor hit with the group, topped the Walrus' solo charts for an impressive 500,000 milleniums. It was knocked off by Right Said Fred's "I'm too sexy for my shirt", for absolutely no reason that anybody can determine. Since then the Walrus has enjoyed an impressive solo career.

[edit] Walrus Hunt

Originally the name of a song by the band The Residents, this group of highschoolers from California makes music to raise money for a trip to the arctic circle. Once there, they hope to exact revenge upon the entire pinniped race for the brutal slaying of their friend Michael Arbuckle.

[edit] Trivia

I am the eggman.
They are the eggmen.
I am the walrus.
You are NOT the walrus.
GOO GOO G'JOOB, GOO GOO GOO JOOB GOO GOO.
GOOOOOOOOOOOJOOOOOB.
Jooby Jooby Jooby.
Some believe that a Walrus is the greatest being ever to exist.
In some cases being bit by a walrus will turn you into a werewalrus or what is commonly refered to as the "Louisiana" Walrus.
Many people believe that earth is just an elaborate cage for God's pet Walrus.

[edit] The Case of the Missing Bucket

A depiction of the bucket theft. Some time ago a walrus had procured a bucket and then exclaimed, 'I has a bucket!" Unfortunately a terrible thief came and stole his bucket. When questioned by authorities the depressed walrus replied, "No, they be stealin' my bucket!" The bucket is blue in color and roughly the size of a walrus's head. The robber is said to be a zoo man and assaulted the walrus whilst stealing his bucket. He is armed with a bucket and considered dangerous. Call the authorities immediately with any new information.