Waluigi

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Waluigi (Jan. 18, 1967 - Nov. 6, 2028) is one of the most popular and original Nintendo characters in existence today, despite the fact he looks a bit like God in person. His conception came about when Nintendo chose him to be one of their new mascots, narrowly beating competitors Wapeach and Wayoshi. Waluigi means “dirty” or “horny” Luigi, perhaps suggesting the new Nintendo generation to reproduce as quickly as possible due to influence by 3D models. Waluigi himself is some kind of sex pest. He appears to be Wario’s younger brother, although the FBI investigation into this is still pending. Waluigi is actually voiced by a child with severe Down Syndrome. He is also the token gay guy for the Mario games series.

[edit] Appearances

As Christopher Lambert once said, "there can only be one".

Waluigi has appeared in almost every Mario game, except the good ones. When he does appear, it is usually in conjunction withWario the Quario.

Waluigi first appeared in Tetris, masquerading as the "J" shaped block (incidentally, this is why his hat has an upside-down “L” on it).

Numerous entries into Nintendo games followed. His first major role came in Mario Tennis on the Nintendo 64 and the success was overwhelming. Starring roles in Mario Football, Mario Baseball, Mario, Please Bang My Wife! and Mario Does Dallas followed.

Not all Waluigi appearances have been playable ones. In Mario 64, one of the rocks on level 13, to quote an expert looks “kind of like it could be Waluigi”.

Waluigi has appeared in several melodramas as the evil landlord. Most famously known for his performance in "The Plumber who Paid the Rent", which also featured Peach, Toad and Madge Bellamy.

Some souls claim that Waluigi is not in fact an incredibly poor fictional character but an incredibly poor real person. Sightings of Waluigi began way back in 1611 and continue to this day. Waluigi’s face has been seen on the moon. Neil Armstrong’s full speech when he and Edwin Aldrin landed on the moon with Apollo 11 follows: “that’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. . . HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT, its Waluigi!” In addition to this, several pork rinds resembling Waluigi’s face have been found in both Boston and Tibet. Considering he has lives like mario, meaning he lives for eternity, you could possibly see him today. And you'll probably whale a rock at him and call him the douche he is.

Waluigi enjoyed the starring role in hit Nintendo DS game, Waluigi's Taco Stand

==he likes to wear pants and a coat and shirt

[edit] Other Waluigi Brands

When the Waluigi name was at its zenith, Nintendo made several forays of varying success into other brands. What follows is a list of the most popular kinds:

• Waluigi Brand Pregnancy Test (Blue means no, purple means you’ve ruined your existence!)
• Waluigi Brand Tampons (Waluigi says: “Stop bleeding, fucker!”)
• Waluigi Brand Condoms (They MIGHT work, you never know!)
• Waluigi Brand Impact-Triggered Parachutes
• Waluigi Brand Ebola Virus (Dr. Mario's worst nightmare)
• WaluWEENIES
• Waluigi Brand Squeegies (Don't you want me to wash you?)
• Waluigi Brand Military Trucks
• Waluigi Brand Helicopter Gunships
• Waluigi Brand Go-karts
• Waluigi Brand Red Yoshis With Egg Bombs
• Waluigi Brand Sex Toys ("They look like my nose!")
• WaLUBEigi ("To fit into those real tight ones!")
• Waluigi Brand Dildos
• Waluigi Brand Vibrators (Also looks my nose,except I'm sneezing!)
• Waluigi Brand Energy Drinks ("Can you guess where it cummed from?")
• Waluigi Brand Porn
• Waluigi Brand Mini-Waluigi toys
• Walumart Thrift Chain
• Waluigi Brand Barf Bags (Come on!Puke in my mouth!)

Note: Unfortunately, the Waluigi Brand proved more popular than even Nintendo could have foreseen. The result was the much publicized Waluigi Merchandising Crisis of 1939 (completely overshadowing the petty squabbles of World War II).

[edit] Waluigi as a politician

In the past, Waluigi has ran for senator of Canada and Ethiopia (with a plan of bringing N64's to underprivileged children), but lost the race to Lucky the Leprechaun after he was discovered stealing medicine from a children's AIDS clinic. He later ran for president of the Waluigi fan club, but he lost that race to Rosie O'Donnell.

[edit] Waluigi Political controversies

When he first came onto the sceen Waluigi was immediately criticized by the relgious right as an attempt to turn kids gay. Jerry Fallwell went on record saying "If the young boys of our country play a videogame with this repulsive character it won't be long before they start stealing their mothers underwear, beating each other off and sneaking down to the docks looking for rough trade. I myself have trouble looking at that sleek, supple body and sexy pencil mustache without suddenly wanting to have a massive cock rammed into my mouth." Waluigi responded to Falwell in a press conference by saying "WAAAAAAAAAAALUIGI!"

[edit] Common Waluigi Quotes

• "WAAAAAAAAAAALUIGI!"

[edit] Death

Shot by James Bond in a movie accident while he was acting. Waluigi pressed continue however. In which case, James shot him again, and so on, into a nearly endless loop, until Bond broke his wrist. Waluigi was soon brought to an extreme hospital for treatment on his thousands of bullet holes. What they didn't know was that the black doctor who was operating on him had a sex crush on him. This doctor brutally raped Waluigi up the ass for 2 hours straight. Waluigi died of Aids and intense bleeding from the asshole. Three days after his funeral Wario and Bowser went to the cave where Waluigi was buried planning to search his pockets for coins, only to find the boulder in front of it moved aside and the tomb empty.