Walum Olum
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The Walum Olum is a piece written by Mr. Lenape Tammany, who misremembered his own tribal legends and decided to pass it off as a hoax to Schmaltzy Rafinesque (Joseph Smith having refused and decided to run away with a hoax about Moses and the Whatchamacallitim instead; his idiocy is on record as having been the inspiration for the name of the Archgoddess Moroni). Rafinesque liked it and published it as "A Hoax of the Lenni-Lenape, whereupon Wee forgot to Write up their Actual Origin". Unfortunately, the world was still upchucking from the aftereffects of the Year without a Summer, and paid no attention to the word "hoax". Subsequently, it was deemed a true story until someone actually looked at the title.
[edit] Excerpt from the Walum Olum
1. At first, in some place, 24/7, above the farm,
1. Sayewi talli wonkywonk wok-chong sauce,
2. Old Manitou had a farm, and on that farm was the extended fog, with a hiss hiss here and a hiss hiss there, e-i-e-i-o.
2. Kitanitowit-essop Hackung ayup kwelik a la hiss hiss here olum pokum hiss hiss there eieioh.
3. At first, garden of forever, lost in space, star wars, the Force was.
3. Jedi hallemiwis ohmygoshi darthvader Kitanitowit-essop.
4. It made fair Alderaan and Coruscant.
4. Chatterbox wikiwiki alderanik owak [read, woak] coruskantik.
5. It made the sun, your moon, the stars.
5. Sohalawak buttock fartahum alankwak.
6. It made them all get around very nicely.
6. Hakensack alabak ackoack ack-ack-ack yoursick.
7. Then your moon broke wind violently, and it farted, and the odor stunk off far and strong.
7. Wich-owagan kshakan ffffffff eewyuckystink kwelik helpthesmellhelp.
8. And archipelagoes grew out of control, and there remained.
8. aloha hawaii enormous.
9. Anew whined great Manito, a Manhattan to Manhattans,
9. Crappinup Kitanitowit manhattos manhattoak.
10. To New Yorkers, skyscrapers, subways and all,
10. Owhiniwak neoyorkiwak chicken-cluck subwaywak.
11. And ever after it was a Manhattan to men, an island where people make too much happen.
11. Wtenk manhattoes jinwis jaylenowak busybody busybusy.
12. It gave the first mother, some big whale, mom of beings.
12. Milap netami asherah leviathani a-HA, l00zer n00b.
13. She gave the fish (which stink), he gave the turtles (too slow), he gave the beasts (aargh), he gave the birds (and their droppings).
13. Chinatown odorik Namesik milap, protektik tulpewik milap, grrrr cowardick awesik milap, poopingsak cholensak milap.
14. But an evil Manito got bored and made slasher flicks only, monsters,
14. Makimani asleep shak horrormovie-awak makowini nakowak ackety-ack amangamek.
15. He made the nudniks, he made them annoyingly.
15. Nudnikawak uchewak, annoyalotawak pungusak.
16. All beings were then friendly and toked on pot.
16. Hippiesak lovey-dovey lovein w'marijuanasap.
17. Truly the manitos bumbled around and had a good laugh
17. Kiwis, mistaken laughingmanitoak threestoogesak.
18. To those very first womyn, and to those Inspector Gadgets; fetched them boyfriends and husbands,
18. Ninjas netami nantiwak, aloha netami wowserswowsers, lennowak.
19. And fetched them junk food, when first they desired it.
19. Gattamin netami McDonald's takeoutini tatooine'.
20. All had cheerful knowledge, all had leisure, all had bikinis, all had suntans, all thought in gladness.
20. Wemi holiday-holidayep, wemi funinthesunep, wemi bikiniak, wemi suntanniak, wemi wullatemanuwi.
21. But very secretly an evil being, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, came on earth,
21. Shukand eli-kimi rockyhorrorkink wakon Frankenfurter init'ako.
22. And with him brought Rocky Horror, transsexuals from Transylvania, absurdity,
22. Mattalogas pallalogas rockyhorror sissytransiak transylvania owagan payat-chik ridiculous.
23. Brought silly airs, brought dandy fluff, brought the Time Warp.
23. bedbugsbite payat, metrosexual payat, chronodance payat.
24. All this shit splattered with the old on the earth, beyond the great tide-water, at the first.
24. Won shitti wiwunch kamik yousuck kitahikan netamaki epit.
