War

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You have new casualties (last change).

“I fought the war for the likes of you”

~ Old Man on the youth

“I bet you're sorry you won!”

~ Ringo Starr on the Old Man

“War: It's fantastic!”

~ Character actor Miguel Ferrer on War

“Our only chance is that they kill so many of us they start to feel slighty depressed”

~ Italian general

“There is violence during war”

~ Captain Obvious on war

“Evasive maneuvers! Incoming tag! All hands, man your battle stations!”

~ War on Tom Clancy's tag

“War, HUU! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely NOTHING!”

~ Edwin Starr on War

“This is war, wow.”

~ Burzum on War

“As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.”

~ Oscar Wilde on War

“Hell and fire was spawned to be released!”

~ Dick Cheney on bombs

“I think war is a dangerous place. Maybe I should do a pop-up book.”

~ George W. Bush on War

“Dead easy this, man!!!”

~ Random Army Veteran Posing as a Geordie Maths Teacher on War

“What shall we play next...Anyone for Monopoly?”

~ Medieval outlook on war

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

~ A baby on war

“OMFG! wut a n00bz0rd!”

~ Teenagers on war on the Internet
Any good man in any good family in any good faction in any good army in any good nation in any good war needs a Coat of arms.
Any good man in any good family in any good faction in any good army in any good nation in any good war needs a Coat of arms.


War is something that happens all the time. You're fighting a war right now. It's the result of high testosterones, and a primal necessity to all males. Like breathing. And herding sheep. Lots of people grab weapons and start destroying each other. With guns and other big boom stuff.What's best is the people who you destroy never respawn.NEVAR EVAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

War is a good thing...If war did not exist, the earth's population would exceed 14 billion people, per country. War not only prevents overcrowding, but it also makes for great entertainment. Approximately 78.4% of all movies, TV programs, and songs are a direct result of war. Even better?

Sun Tzu owns all the patents for war, earning royalties every time it is declared, enacted, threatened, or printed on the front of tabloids in a 100pt font. Consequently, he is the richest corpse in all of China. Some say war is like marriage, the only difference is you don't get to sleep with the enemy, unless you live in Denmark. (See also: fish)


Contents

[edit] What is war?

A war, in normal or strategic form, combines the set of possible strategies for each political affiliation and records the payoffs for each outcome.

Let math be a set of political affiliation. For each political affiliation math there is given a set of strategies math. Ergo war = math, so that, if one knows the tuple of strategies that were chosen by the political affiliations, one is given the allocation payments, a real number assignment. A further generalization can be achieved by splitting the war into two functions: the normal form war, describing the way in which strategies define outcomes, and a second function, depicting each and every political affiliation's preferences on the set of outcomes. Yeah, I don't know what I said either.

Ergo war also = math, where math is the outcome set of the war. And for each political affiliation math there is a preference function: math.

A reduced normal form of war exists as well, and combines strategies for which are associated with the same payoffs. This form of war is known as "the Playoffs."

This is an example of an ideal war:

In AD 2007, war was beginning.
OMFG I need plastic surgery!
...in my AMC Pacer.
Kara: We're going where?
Kara: A kitten: Without it, life is nothing.
With a kitten!
What about Spamalot?


[edit] What is it Good For?

The question of what war is good for has plagued historians for millions of years. Early historiography on the topic seems to indicate that war was indeed good for something, but this is still ill-defined.

In 1970 the noted historian Edwin Starr radically challenged this notion. In his paper entitled Starr Wars! Starr came to the conclusion that war was good for "absolutely nothing.... Say it again now!". Starr's view now seems to be dominant amongst historians, and political leaders, especially George W. Bush, have paid attention to Starr and have completely eradicated war from the world.

Scientists have now discovered 5 new uses for war. Which are as follows: -

1) Vacuuming...

2) Cheap Labour...

3) The cure to Dinosaurs...

3.5) The back

4) Absolutely nothing!...

5) Population control...

5.5) Large Bets with your friends on who will win....

and... BONUS NUMBER 6!!!!!!...

Trouser Filling adventure. Say it again now!

[edit] A History of the Super and Smashing Wars

War is Peace
War is Peace
  • C - Rome v Rome
  • BC - Rome v Pome
  • 89227 BC - The Star Wars Trilogy. Note: Includes Episodes 4-6, for 1-3 do not qualify as "Super" or "Smashing."
  • BBC - Rome v Chrome
  • BBBc - Rome v Schmome
  • The Biggest Most important One! but you never heard about it

[edit] AD Wars

possible evidence about the Space-time continuum and this since erased his memory when he was trapped in a time machine while going Back to the Future to fix the plot holes in Star Trek. A movie was later being planned about this event, however an unfortunate incident occured, when the writer William Shakespeare mysteriously died. A later plot involving a washing machine was eventually used.SEE THIS CLIP THAT ORIGINATED THE WAR OF THE WORLDS --- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnwTuUO9ptk

The following are the vision of John Doe, the one true psychic:

  • 2009 - War on Stupidity
    • This was an immediate success, as it not only resulted in the immediate removal of Hillary Clinton from office, but also the retroactive removal of a majority of the presidents over the course of history. Schoolchildren were relieved, as they only had 3 presidents left to memorize. Hillary's successor was Big Brother.
  • 2009 - The North American War
  • 2011 - War on Chavs immediantly followed by the Kingdom of Svalbard invading New York, and the EU].
    • Instigated by the timelords to help humanity boost it's IQ.
  • 2032 / 1988 - World War VII (It is still yet to be explained how time managed to create a paradox and not destroy the universe by the appearance of the film in 1988, but Marilyn vos Savant is working on it rest assured. Audiences didn't seem to miss the character development considered critical in the previous 3 films. Also seen to be the best war ever, even thought the characters were tired stereotypes, the gameplay sucked, and the bad guy was a pussy with long hair and a mother complex.)
  • Mexican-Canadian War of 2118 Still under construction.
  • War of 2203 Sweden out witted the world... apparently the world had gotten very thickly, ini. And overthrew the United States of America (and the rest of conquered Earth), by snatching control of Google the unpredictable mistress of the future universe. By diverting Google searches to the pages MSN, Sweden was able to confuse the world with the clutteredness.
  • A.D. 2101 - War was beginning.
  • 20XD - 20XE - Super 1337 lazer war. This was the first war to be fought entirely in 70,000,000 Halo 7 Team slayer matches, The U.S.A won but Canada thinks that they used Hax.

[edit] Other less popular wars

Internet wars.
Internet wars.

[edit] War, the Person

A former horseman of the apocalypse, War has since retired, and is living his unlife out in South Florida, though he enjoyed his stint as Armageddon's drummer from 1976-1987. War has also converted to Buddhism, and now can often be seen wearing the ceremonial kilt oft preferred by Buddhist monks.

Tired from an eon of riding around, War has dropped his busy schedule, and now takes time for the simpler things in life. Lately he has been known to enjoy silk robes, kittens, roses and long baths. He begins his mornings with several hours of meditation, and ends his day with Tai Chi, accompanied by the soothing scent of brimstone.

If you wish to speak with War, he can often be found meandering the beaches of South Florida at sunrise, or sitting atop a dune, gazing out at the glassy sea.

He also has a lovely wife.

[edit] Can I do war?

Black metal is war.
Black metal is war.

You may be asking your self, 'can I do war?". Here are some things to consider when thinking about doing a war:

  • Some people are lame and think war is 'stupid' If you know anyone who thinks like this, maybe you can't do war.
  • You may get hurt, because doing war is not easy, it's like anything else, practice on cats around your house and you will grow up to be a great man.
  • Before you begin doing a war, carefully consider whether your scream of 'nooooooo!' is up to scratch. This will come in handy when holding a dying friend, crashing a helicopter in a mountain or finding that someone took your last Spam ration.
  • The minimum age for doing a war is 1 month old. 'Childrens Wars' are usually held before the main war and last about half as long.
  • Invest in the Cuban, Iranian, and North Korean nuclear programs. Refurbish your basement with a lead coating to prevent radiation leakage.
  • Due to increased numbers of applications to war, entry grades are rising. As of the 2006/7 season, potentials entrants needed at least 4 A-Levels or equivalent international qualifications. Work experience in a small war e.g. the Columbian Drugs War is also seen as a significant advantage.

Always buy Thermobeams on pluto.

[edit] War, the Band

Almost single handedly responsible for the Big Band revival of the 1970s, War made it to the bigtime with their hit single, "Funk Grandma". They are often credited as musical influences by other famous groups like Van Halen,Beethoven, Belle and Sebastian, and the Bagg Street Klezmer Band.

[edit] How war became kosher again

Some of you down-and-outers are probably thinking, "hey, was war ever cool?" Yes it was. But that's a story for another time. In 6193 B.C., there was a war on war. The opponent was Christmas. These same naysayers will probably come back with "uh don't you mean the war on christmas?" Shut up and learn to capitalize. War was in danger. Walgreens had stopped hanging their AK47s and started hanging tinsel on their walls. Instead of bloody shreiks of terror, there were faint "ho ho ho's". Truely a dark time for war. These dark, terrible years of nativity scenes and sleigh bells continued for a grueling two weeks which seemed like forever. Finally, in 1989, Mel Gibson saved the day by starring in Lethal Weapon 2, where token black guy Danny Glover almost gets his ass blown off by a toilet bomb. Fuck yeah. Take that, Christmas.

[edit] The Pienian civil war

This was a civil war that was fought between the pienian loyalists and the pienian rebelsThe cause of this was because a pienian outsider tried to consume the great pie of justice, but was unable to finish and therefore threw it up on the emperor. This would br crucial because the pienian outsider could not clean it with the stuff he had, The emperor formally declared war on the outsiders also known as the pienian rebels. The civil war lasted for about a month before Sgt. Cream Puff and his army of neopolitan wafers. The battle was mainly fought in the small country of Pievella. Where each side fought each other by launching mud pies at each other. The first battle took place in LMG region. Also known as Lemon Merangue Pie Region. Each sides fought hard, but in the end the Pienian loyalists. The second battle was fought in the mountains of Banana Creme'. Each sides used the terrain as an advantage utilizing avalanches of banana and cream. The result came out a pienian rebel victory. The last battle was near the border of the Great Neopolitan emperor and the cream puff's. The one crucial mistake from the loyalists the launched a blueberry pie and killed a neopolitan wafer villager. The Neopolitan army declared war on the pienians and in just 1 week had wiped out three quarters of the pienian army. The peace treaty was signed between the pienian loyalists and rebels and between the Neopolitan Empire.

[edit] Brummy imperialism

In 1985 Brummy Soldiers crossed the border between West Bromwich and Germany in the first invasion ever carried out by anyone from Birmingham. The invasion was short lived as the Brummies realized they didn't much like strudel and sausages anyway, and were afraid of the music of David Hasselhoff - and retreated within 4 hours of completing the invasion. All that remains is David Schnitzel - the famous warbling Berliner, who remains in Munich to this day singing songs of the old country

[edit] Poetry in War

Largely Regarded as the downfall of war, the worst thing to do under fire, a thing for those gays or beautiful poetry is the single most dangerous threat to war known as scientists discovered in 1918 after the conclusion of world war 1 and the disastrous 1918 Olympics held at Verdun. Military strategists have come to know this as a war waged from within, in which the founding pillars of war (Killing, being killed, Soiling oneself and soiling ones enemy) get replaced by something pacifists would see as demonstrating the futility of war (see also: lies ). One example of wartime poetry found below:

Hear this song i sing Wars a horrid thing ding a ling a ling author: Baldrick 1917

[edit] Aftermath

Some wars end up in history taught at school. In the UK WWII gets all the attention, in Holland it is the 80 years war of 1568-1648, and in Germany the defeat of the Varus'Roman legions. Come to think of it, every country only remembers the last war they won.

[edit] Synonyms


[edit] See also

The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse

Pestilence - War - Death - Famine


Template:The big phat var

[edit] External Links

www.Waragain.com

The Band

Jokenn:Krig

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