War and Peace

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“Way better than E.R. or Lost”

~ Oscar Wilde on War and Peace

“War and Peace is a book about war and peace”

~ Captain Obvious on War and Peace

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about War and Peace.

War and Peace is a Soap Opera based on the novel of the same name by Joseph Stalin, centered on Russian history and society during Napoleon's invasion of Russia. First published in July 21, 2007, all editions except for the American one were released at a minute past midnight, and Borders reported sales of over 1.2 million copies in its first day and a first run of 12 million copies. Two motion pictures based on the novel have been released: the first in 1956 starring Audrey Hepburn as Prince Andrei, and the last in 1968, directed by Leo Tolstoy. The original novel was organised in verses of flowing prose, reflecting the beauty of the Russian society, particularly their ladies with beards; it also spans over 1,500 pages and none worth reading. While people who apparently know about T.V. praise this Soap Opera, it did not won any Golden Globes, Emmys or viewers.

Anything spoken of in the Soap Opera, things such as War, Peace, Russia, Lenin being pregnant from Stalin, Napoleon, France, etc. are all fictional material and should not be believed. Stalin based most characters on his mother or himself, thus proving he is a complete nut job.

Some samples of this Russian man's Iliad are shown below.

The director of the Soap Opera, George W. Bush, insisted that all battle and military conflicts should be real, so he decided to invade Iraq and Afghanistan to re-create some battles and tape them.

[edit] Interesting Note

Stalin had to completely re-write the story when his computer crashed ... 7 times. Stalin, being a communist, had to use Lunix, so there shouldn`t be any doubt about why his computer was so lame.

[edit] Interesting Note(2)

Did you know...

that Jesus made a guest apparence in War and Peace?

Average Rating: 0

Seasons on air: 124

Hot scenes between Stalin and Lenin: 4

Condoms Used: 3

Russians killed on the filming: 1812

[edit] Introduction

Now, the Russians of Russia all hated their Tsars,

Though they patted their bellies with money from thars,

Those Tsars were not rich,

Their power was small,

You'd think such a thing wouldn't matter at all.

But because they bribed Tsars,

(The rich Ruski'ud brag),

"We're the best Ruski in Tuski, you Rich Royal Slag!"

Corruption was rampant,

Things had to be done,

And in came the Lenin in Denim. Not fun.

[edit] Revolution

Now, Russia was busy,

In great World War I,

For they were bogged down,

While fighting the Huns.

The people were dying, and dying in droves,

Perhaps the Tsar cared? Nope- 'Twas prancing in robes!

Our Tsar didn't care about Russians or wars-

He seemed quite content as a man with fat whores!

Rasputin kept Russia in the midst of the worst,

Until all at once our pal Lenin in burst!

He slaughtered the Tsar! He spat on his robes!

He toasted his eyes and roasted his earlobes,

And on that dull day he declared a solution,

Pulling up his jeans for an ol' revolution!

[edit] Post WWII

I will not eat a British lamb,

I will not eat them, Uncle Sam.

I do not like your wealthy heirs,

I do not like them anywhere.

I do not like free press or vote.

I would not, could not, with a goat.

I make these countries go with me,

I must do this-

for liberty!

I sure would like an Iron Fist,

For I could not be Capitalist!

I will not let supplies in here-

Berlin must fall, you won't get near.

I'll starve them out with a blockade,

I'll starve them out, and hold parades.

What is this thing that I do see,

A squad of planes coming towards me?

An airlift, this I did not see,

Its a veritable catastrophe.

You may have saved Berlin this time,

but just you wait for our war crimes!

I'll build a wall,

And one not small,

A wall that's big and will not fall!

With such a thing, what could go wrong?

Nothing, nothing,

Nothing at all!

[edit] And Then

1. uncyclopedia

[INFO] Channel view for “#uncyclopedia” opened. =-= User mode for Coelispex is now +i -->| YOU (Coelispex) have joined #uncyclopedia =-= Topic for #uncyclopedia is “BREAKING NEWS: Shandon is getting married! || Vote! http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Top10_07 || http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Forum:Venereal_disease-ridden_street-walking_prostitutes || FU vandals! #cvn-wikia-uncyc || QDB! http://chronarion.org/chirpy || Stalk! http://www.frappr.com/uncyclopedia” =-= Topic for #uncyclopedia was set by Mordillo on Tuesday, January 15, 2008 1:20:59 PM [INFO] This channel requires that you have registered and identified yourself with the network's nickname registration services (e.g. NickServ). Please see the documentation of this network's nickname registration services that should be found in the MOTD (/motd to display it). <Omni> it would be cool if that gave uncyc some publicity <Jacques_Pirat> I wonder if a malay langauge Uncyc will start because of it. <Codeine> http://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Malaysian_government_warns_citizens_about_Uncyclopedia <Codeine> there <Coelispex> hahahah -->| EugeneKay (n=44ee67f1@gateway/web/cgi-irc/ircatwork.com/x-232c7462bea347fd) has joined #uncyclopedia <Caitlai> Hello EugeneKay * EugeneKay Caitlai <Starnestommy> moo <MathPoet> Lord_Fluffy, are you going to the concert tonight, son? <Lord_Fluffy> MathPoet: Indeed. <Codeine> Jacques_Pirat: there already is a Malay Uncyclopedia: http://tolololpedia.wikia.com/ <Lord_Fluffy> I'm expected. <Shandon> Lord_Fluffy is the backup drummer <Shandon> he has to go <MathPoet> way cool. <Lord_Fluffy> Shandon: Heh. <Coelispex> any picture/formatting geniuses out there with a sordid imagination and an eye for spotting phallic symbols in pictures? <Shandon> if Charlie breaks his arms again... <Shandon> in a freak percussion accident... <Coelispex> I need some assistance in spicing up a new article <Lord_Fluffy> Coelispex: Sure. Why do you ask? <EugeneKay> Whee. <Shandon> Lord_Fluffy 'll have to be ready to step in <Shandon> or sit in <Coelispex> Peter Pantheism =-= EugeneKay is now known as EugeneKaway <Lord_Fluffy> Shandon: Or just sort of sneak in the back while the bouncer's aren't looking. <Tayor> SHANDON!!!!!! <Coelispex> basically one long joke about God/The Universe being one giant ____ <--your favorite peter word <Tayor> OMG! <Shandon> Tayor hi <Coelispex> bouncers are dicks. Just like St. Peter, the Bouncer at a club called Heaven <Shandon> wassup in Vermont <Tayor> nuttin much <Shandon> snow level? |<-- Starnestommy has left irc.freenode.net ("Lost terminal") * Lord_Fluffy throws Coelispex out of the club * EugeneKaway goes to take a big poop. <Shandon> omg so full <Tayor> well.....several inches <Tayor> Lord Fluffy, look up my dear <Coelispex> *shows the girl at the door his blacklight stamp <MathPoet> Lord_Fluffy, your turn, boy. * Lord_Fluffy looks up at Tayor <Lord_Fluffy> Yes, miss? * Lord_Fluffy skins Coelispex, removing the stamp. <Codeine> Holy shit! * Lord_Fluffy throws Coelispex out of the club <Codeine> Somone literally has Saved the mooses! :http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article3192967.ece <Lord_Fluffy> Codeine: ? <Coelispex> I never even got back in <Codeine> oops <Codeine> http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article3192967.ece <Coelispex> weird <Tayor> no no, look up in the other way <MathPoet> hurry son. I have to eat soon. * Codeine goes to post link on STM's talk page <Coelispex> must be that outdoor club from night at the roxbury <Coelispex> speaking of shittiest movies EVER <Tayor> towards the top of your screen <Coelispex> I almost shot myself for watching the whole thing <Shandon> MathPoet are you picking Lord_Fluffy up? <Coelispex> Chris Kattan is such a douch <Coelispex> e <Lord_Fluffy> Shandon: No. <MathPoet> Shandon, no. I thought I'd meet him there. why? <Tayor> yay, he's straight! |<-- ENeGMA has left irc.freenode.net ("Leaving") <Lord_Fluffy> Tayor: You should look up, my dear. <MathPoet> haha <Shandon> I was trying to figure out how a delay by Lord_Fluffy would stall MathPoet from eating <Tayor> hmm, serious? <Shandon> if he was late for being picked up, that was a possible solution <Tayor> cause it's not showin' stuff <MathPoet> I just don't like to leave during a game. <Tayor> are you logged in? <Shandon> game? <MathPoet> he and I are playing a Scrabble like game. <Coelispex> kind of like reading War and Peace. I did shoot myself after finishing that one <Shandon> oh <Shandon> that's wholesome! <Coelispex> don't worry, it was only a flesh wound <Coelispex> serious question <Lord_Fluffy> MathPoet: Your turn. <Coelispex> how likely is one to get banned for blanking Leo Tolstoy and putting a picture of a box of massengil on the page? -->| THE (n=4a4b229e@gateway/web/cgi-irc/irc.wikia.com/x-fbe29fb7b91338fc) has joined #uncyclopedia -->| OFS (n=pwnt@131.109.225.21) has joined #uncyclopedia <Tayor> THE! <Tayor> OFS!!!! <THE> Tayor!!!! <THE> OFS!!! <OFS> THE OFS! <OFS> :O <OFS> THE OFS IS HERE <Lord_Fluffy> THE + OFS ! <OFS> having a nick like the you must get highlighted a lot <Codeine> THE OFS <OFS> Lord_Fluffy! * THE OFS <OFS> CODEINE * rwg|laptop coughs <Lord_Fluffy> Coelispex: Quite likely. <rwg|laptop> TAYOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <Codeine> CAPSLOCK FRENZY <OFS> I LOVE YOU GUYS <rwg|laptop> OFS! <THE> OFS it certainly does <rwg|laptop> THE! <THE> rwg|laptop!!! <Coelispex> what, for too close to the truth? <THE> about half of the last statements by you people were highlighted <Tayor> RWG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 <Shandon> THE <THE> Shandoooooon! <rwg|laptop> How are you, Tayor? <Shandon> (better late than never) -->| cl0ud (i=makavel@150.135.235.99) has joined #uncyclopedia <Tayor> ah, all right <THE> kl0ud!!1!11!1 -->| Starnestommy (i=lee@unaffiliated/starnestommy) has joined #uncyclopedia <Tayor> STARNES!!!!!!!!1 <Coelispex> It would be better satire if the Tolstoy article was longer than a page, IMAO <Coelispex> A=arrogant <Codeine> like 1300 pages? <THE> STARNESTOMMY' <OFS> the best Tolstoy article would 1600 pages of stiff, overly formal Russian <Coelispex> just copy a bunch of random nonsense about stupid people and bearskin coats and misogyny and we'd be good -->| Warpath (i=again@wikimedia/Cometstyles) has joined #uncyclopedia <Tayor> WAR!!!!!! <Tayor> huh, what is it good for <Tayor> (absolutely nothing) <OFS> ABSOLUTERY NOTIN <OFS> HU <OFS> HA <OFS> GOOD GOD <Tayor> YEAH!!! <OFS> YOU ALL <Coelispex> population control? <OFS> "it's not you all it's Y'ALL" |<-- ViRuSbOY has left irc.freenode.net (Connection reset by peer) <OFS> </RushHour> <Tayor> mmhmm! <Tayor> that's what I always think off when i hear that song -->| WikiaJanitor (n=GHe@wikia/GHe) has joined #uncyclopedia <Warpath> lol XD <Coelispex> look at what happened to china after jet li didn't kill the emperor at the end of hero <OFS> I can't think of that song without picturing Jackie Chan singing it <Coelispex> look at what happened to india at the end of the mahabharata <MathPoet> Lord_Fluffy, your turn, son. <Coelispex> MPE <Coelispex> my point exactly <OFS> Look what happened to Russia at the end of the 19th century <Coelispex> look at what happened to the nineteenth century at the end of russia <Coelispex> sorry, my brain does that automatically <THE> look what happened to me at the end of this sentenceWHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!111!1 *bursts into flames* * Tayor asplodes <MathPoet> I never picked you as a flamer, THE <Lord_Fluffy> MathPoet: Turns out I'm not going. <MathPoet> why not, son? =-= Mordillo|washing is now known as Mordillo <Mordillo> There <Mordillo> all done <Mordillo> bloody dishes <Coelispex> what's an isnick <THE> Mordillo!!! <MathPoet> Lord_Fluffy, why not? <Mordillo> THE! * THE wanted to look something up, but now he's forgotten what it was. <Lord_Fluffy> MathPoet: Band practice. I'd rather not go. <Lord_Fluffy> But Mom said I'm going, so... <Mordillo> So, Tayor, I'm ready to worship you now <Lord_Fluffy> D: <MathPoet> well. * Lord_Fluffy worships Tayor first. <rwg|laptop> Mordillo: just join in. <Tayor> !!! <MathPoet> did you take your turn, Lord_Fluffy? <Mordillo> there's a line? <Tayor> MORDILLO@@@@@@@@ <Tayor> .. <Tayor> yeah, actually I think there is <rwg|laptop> !!!!!!!! <Mordillo> TAYORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR <Mordillo> rrrrr <Mordillo> rr <Mordillo> r <Tayor> haha * Mordillo looks at rwg's number * Mordillo rwg got 345 Mordillo got 3459384 * Mordillo snags rwg's number * Mordillo hastily execute rwg <Mordillo> So, where were we? * Lord_Fluffy brb <Tayor> allrighty * TKFeck insert penis onto Mordillo <TKFeck> right thar * Tayor high fives Mordillo <--| Jacques_Pirat has left #uncyclopedia <Tayor> that's the spirit! * TKFeck intercepts the hi-five <Tayor> However, I do like rwg <TKFeck> Fuck yeah! <Tayor> we may have to compromise <Mordillo> ermm <Tayor> both at once? <Mordillo> hmm <Tayor> yeah! <Mordillo> sharing <Tayor> TK!!!!!! <Mordillo> interesting concept <Tayor> of course, you can just snag Theo's spot <Tayor> that's been empty for a while <Mordillo> oh TKFeck, does this penis belong to you? <Mordillo> Theo? <Coelispex> for all the interest in Russia on UN the Russian literature articles blizow <Mordillo> I'd never persume to take his spot <Tayor> yeah, like TheoB <Tayor> well it's not his anymore! <rwg|laptop> The Windows Vista Capable sticker on my laptop is metal <Coelispex> I guess the one on Notes from the underground is alright <rwg|laptop> cool <Tayor> I do not believe he wants it! <Coelispex> and there isn't even one on Eugene Onegin <Mordillo> well then <Tayor> yes, I lost a fan * Mordillo takes Theo's spot <Tayor> he was one, but Lord Fluffy has that....hmm....10th, we'll make you tenth * Mordillo secretly burns small sign saying "Theo's spot, brb, do not take" <Coelispex> I guess we should just write some more bullshit about avenged sevenfold and chuck mr t wilde kanye <Tayor> unless I can't think of people <Tayor> haha <Coelispex> QUESTION |<-- Tayor has left irc.freenode.net ("CGI:IRC (EOF)") <Coelispex> is there a way to see most commonly viewed pages? <Coelispex> not just featured.. . in other words -->| r12atsw1hq (n=chatzill@CPE-58-165-6-233.vic.bigpond.net.au) has joined #uncyclopedia <Mordillo> Coelispex <Starnestommy> I don't think uncyclopedia has the extension for it <Mordillo> you can check the special:most linked to -->| Severian (n=869b632a@gateway/web/cgi-irc/irc.wikia.com/x-b1ce695b350675c4) has joined #uncyclopedia <Mordillo> give you some idea <Mordillo> SEVERIAN! <Coelispex> hmmmm * Mordillo faints <Starnestommy> the most viewed one is obviously the main page <Severian> hi |<-- isra has left irc.freenode.net ("CGI:IRC (EOF)") -->| GreaseMonkey (n=saru@219-89-40-70.dialup.xtra.co.nz) has joined #uncyclopedia * Severian Mordillo <Coelispex> that's not an article, but yeah <THE> GreaseMonkey!!! <Coelispex> I was just wondering what people put in the search box most <Mordillo> Howya doing you old German dog?! <Coelispex> other than their privates <GreaseMonkey> time for the THE! <Coelispex> get it, search box <GreaseMonkey> THE, did you pick that name just to get namedropped? <Severian> ok, just workin' for the man <Severian> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXeZ0s8DXZ0 <Mordillo> been busy eh? <Severian> for all the photo shop geeks <Severian> Yes...I have been <THE> GreaseMonkey: naw <rwg|laptop> verbs overrated. <THE> I picked it before I really went on IC <THE> *IRC <Severian> http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFH/Hong_Kong_Feng_Shui WHORE ME! <GreaseMonkey> heh <Coelispex> ok, I guess it's God, Adobe Potato Chop, Man, and a bunch of luser pages |<-- Lord_Fluffy has left irc.freenode.net ("CGI:IRC") * zombieninja NP: Angie - The Rolling Stones <Coelispex> I was just looking to see if the American Psycho page was as pointless of the movie and it is redirected to George W Bush <Coelispex> Now that is HUMOR <Coelispex> as, not of in that sentence <Coelispex> why are there so many RPG jokes on this site? -->| TheLedBalloon (n=chatzill@c-66-31-174-231.hsd1.ma.comcast.net) has joined #uncyclopedia <Severian> yeah <TheLedBalloon> yo * Severian THE THE TheLedBalloon <Starnestommy> lots of people play them <GreaseMonkey> Coelispex, i cast magic missile on your complaint. <Severian> http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFH/Hong_Kong_Feng_Shui <Starnestommy> TheLedBalloon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * Starnestommy explodes <Coelispex> I said why * TheLedBalloon Severian Starnestommy <Coelispex> thanks starnestommy <THE> TheLedBalloon!!! <TheLedBalloon> Severian is a WHORE <TheLedBalloon> THE! <Coelispex> the only RPG I play is like, hey you be the nurse and I'll be the sick patient * zombieninja casts Star Of The West on Coelispex <THE> oh, are we whoring? <Coelispex> make me feel better <TheLedBalloon> not until I finish writing <Severian> I wanted to whore, because I haven't done it in a long fucking time <Starnestommy> THE: no, we're eating pudding <Mordillo> Hey Se * THE prefers only whoring through http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnScripts:Grass_In_The_Mist_II subliminal messages * rwg|laptop unlocks Starnestommy's multipliers <Severian> http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFH/Hong_Kong_Feng_Shui whore me in my eye <Mordillo> Sev <Severian> yes? <Mordillo> that was a great video <Mordillo> :) <Mordillo> really got me going there :) <Severian> it was, so was the first one * zombieninja casts Voice Of The Emperor on Starnestommy, making him Starnestommy's best friend <Coelispex> I have no idea what you guys are all doing to me but I'll probably fake die or at least get summoning sickness or something <Severian> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_X5uR7VC4M&NR=1 * rwg|laptop fries zombieninja's brain <rwg|laptop> OVERVOLTAGE * zombieninja grows a new brain * Starnestommy casts Revert on himself * zombieninja makes vagina's grow all over rwg * zombieninja NP: Satisfaction - The Rolling Stones * Severian rwg <Coelispex> damnit <Coelispex> google image search sucks <OFS> everybody <OFS> FUCKIN PAAARTY <Coelispex> I'm looking for this picture of Tony the Tiger, Snap Crackle and Pop and the Frog from Smacks all shot to shit and it says "Cereal Killer" <Coelispex> the internet has urethra fingering, it should have this pic too * zombieninja NP: Ruby Tuesday - The Rolling Stones <Coelispex> i'd settle for a magically delicious lynching of the leprechaun from Lucky Charms <Nosliw_pilf> Did not want to know that about the urethral fingering... <Severian> male urethral fingering? * THE END! * Starnestommy ends THE <--| THE has left #uncyclopedia <contestant> Interesting line to walk in on. <contestant> MAle urethral fingering? <Severian> !codeine <Codeine> SEV <Codeine> \o/ * Sawblade5 ends time <contestant> Hm. You'd either need slender fingers or a rather robust stream <Severian> hey...i'm being whorish <Codeine> you'd come over again for UnCon, then? <Severian> maybe... <Codeine> oooh <Codeine> more curry too <Severian> more illicitness <Codeine> !Mordillo <Codeine> speaking of curry <Mordillo> Codeine! <Mordillo> Speakinf of spotted dick <Sawblade5> [16:15] -PinkyBot- Error: "Mordillo" is not a valid command. <Codeine> hahaha <Coelispex> <Severian> Codeine! <Coelispex> closest I could come <Mordillo> :) <Codeine> zomg <Mordillo> Of course I'm a valid command <Dave2> :o <Severian> http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFH/Hong_Kong_Feng_Shui <Severian> whore whore whore <OFS> holy shit guys <Mordillo> WHORE! <Sawblade5> ^ I love the Cerial Killer Joke <OFS> remember the fapper <OFS> I saw him on the street today riding his bike <OFS> he looked lost <Codeine> hahaha <zombieninja> This level takes place on Planet Heck. Jim is at odds against fire, evil spirits, and lawyers. The snowman's part of the level has been expanded in the Special Editions. At the end of the level, Jim must face Evil the Cat and destroy his nine lives. <Codeine> now he's banned from the library <zombieninja> Lawyers <zombieninja> lol <Codeine> I wonder where he goes to fap <Villahj_Ideeut> Capitol Hill <Codeine> OFS' mailbox, that's my bet <OFS> hahahaha <Severian> Oli has a fapping van <OFS> he was riding his bike away from the direction of my house <Starnestommy> Codeine: or the school's media center <OFS> AKA TUA <OFS> TUF UR BIU * OFS chants <Villahj_Ideeut> 's not like they are getting anything /else/ done on Capitol Hill. <Severian> A fap chant <OFS> hahahaha <OFS> I don't think I could fap to this <Severian> wankoooo wannnkkkko wank wank wank <OFS> it's only like a minute long <Severian> oh good god ya'll <Coelispex> I think the most disturbing thing about trying to find this picture is the fact that 12345667 people's handle for blog/myspace/touchkids.com/ is "Cereal Killer". <Coelispex> A lot of the pics that come up are people that look like they have TOD holding spoons <Villahj_Ideeut> I think the most disturbing thing about it is that it is "touchkids.com" <Coelispex> TOD= Touch of Downs <Villahj_Ideeut> Down Syndrome? <Coelispex> yup <Villahj_Ideeut> They are touching kids with Down Syndrome? <Coelispex> no <Villahj_Ideeut> What kind of sick fucks are they? <Coelispex> they have a touch of downs <Coelispex> like you know, just a touch <Coelispex> aka they look slightly retarded <Villahj_Ideeut> "A touch." <OFS> just a little downy <OFS> :downs: <Coelispex> it's something my friend came up with to describe this girl from work <Coelispex> he just calls her the notorious tod <Villahj_Ideeut> Sounds like something someone came up with to describe Olipro <Severian> fapper first class Oli <Villahj_Ideeut> Touches kids with down syndrome. <Codeine> Downs Downs, deeper and Downs <Villahj_Ideeut> Just wrong, man. <Coelispex> I think TOD might deserve an article <Severian> Terribly wrong, but oh so delicious <Coelispex> if I ever get around to it <Villahj_Ideeut> Severian: Like http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Jew_mignon |<-- MathPoet has left irc.freenode.net ("Leaving") <Villahj_Ideeut> "Now Timmy, please show the court exactly WHERE Codeine touched you." <Villahj_Ideeut> "DOWN there." <Severian> Sehr lecker, ich wuerde es empfehlen. <Coelispex> I'm a suck her for wordplay <Mhaille> Sevvy!!!! <Severian> hi mhaille! <Coelispex> whoops floydian slip <Coelispex> must have been all the ass id <Severian> http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFH/Hong_Kong_Feng_Shui whore me Mhaille...do it hard and fast! <Coelispex> or was it the super ego <Omni> lol this is madness <Villahj_Ideeut> lol this is Sparta. <Omni> lol madness?! <Coelispex> harruh <Omni> harruh! harruh! harruh! lol <Coelispex> maybe I should just copy this whole chat and add it to War and Peace <Severian> That's awesome Villahj_Ideeut <Villahj_Ideeut> ty:D <Omni> não e tal <Omni> oops <Villahj_Ideeut> Severian: Not that I was whoring it, it hasn't been nommed for anything :P <Omni> wrong channel, yet again <Severian> i'm the whore here tonight

[edit] Chapter 45

Is copy and paste legal in UNcycloworld? <Mordillo> and loyalty to Uncyclopedia <Mordillo> you are <Mordillo> in fact <Mordillo> NXWAVE IN DIGUISE <Codeine> ? <Mordillo> CONFESS!!!! <Codeine> OH NOES <Mordillo> CONFESS VANDAL!!!! <Codeine> MI SECRETZ R TEH REVEALED <Mordillo> CONFESS TROLL WITH UNCOMPREHENSIBLE ACCENT! <TKFeck> OMG, DE-B'CRAT HIM <TKFeck> I FECKIN NEW IT <Coelispex> uh oh another RPG reference <TKFeck> ... <TKFeck> whut? <TKFeck> STOP SPOILING OUR MOMENT <Mordillo> YEAH! <Mordillo> WE REVEALED MAJOR VANDAL NOW! <Mordillo> CALL THE LAW! <Villahj_Ideeut> Take off every zig. <Villahj_Ideeut> For great Justice!! |<-- Nosliw_pilf has left irc.freenode.net ("ChatZilla 0.9.80 [Firefox 2.0.0.11/2007112718]") <Codeine> That's *Brigadier* vandal, actually <Coelispex> laws are for people who read Hobbes . . . aka boring fuckwads <Villahj_Ideeut> What about Locke? <Coelispex> hmmm <Coelispex> a little better -->| Tesfan (n=chatzill@CPE-76-84-12-144.neb.res.rr.com) has joined #uncyclopedia <Mordillo> TKFeck <Mordillo> we're losing momentum here <Coelispex> at least the whole american constitution was stolen from his ideas <Villahj_Ideeut> Coelispex: Kama Sutra? <Coelispex> sorry, UNITED STATES <Mhaille> and here http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFH#Thermopylae <Coelispex> I know foriegners hate it when we call ourselves americans * TKFeck puts more gasoline into the Jewish Conspiricar <Starnestommy> s/#/\// <Mordillo> thank you <Mhaille> and http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Writer_of_the_Year#Mhaille_.28Talk_.E2.80.A2_Contribs_.E2.80.A2_Block_.28rem-lst-all.29_.E2.80.A2_Logs_.E2.80.A2_Groups_.E2.80.A2_Checkuser.29 <Villahj_Ideeut> Coelispex: We are. <Mordillo> BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! <Coelispex> uhhh Bhagvad Gita <Villahj_Ideeut> Only thing up North is ice. <Mhaille> now THAT'S whoring <Coelispex> as in "the" Americans <Villahj_Ideeut> And only thing down south are janitors. <Omni> http://www.google.com.br/search?hl=pt-BR&q=%22karma+sutra%22&btnG=Pesquisa+Google&meta= <Coelispex> whoops "The" * Mordillo withers and dies <Omni> what exactly would karma sutra be <Coelispex> something to do with Moksha <Coelispex> or what I understand the hindu idea of "liberation" to be <Coelispex> or TOD <Coelispex> whatever <Omni> but.. I mean <TKFeck> http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Top10_07#.5B.5BSergei_Rachmaninoff.5D.5D <Omni> it's karma <Omni> and it's sutra <Omni> and that boggles my mind <Omni> because it has <Omni> 555k results <Omni> on google earth <TKFeck> ^Need voat <Coelispex> I wish there was an online version of the full text Mahabharata <Omni> what's this Coelispex? <Coelispex> then I could just copy paste that into War and Peace <Coelispex> it's the Vedic epic like 30000 pages long <Coelispex> the oldest book in the world <Coelispex> sorry, I'm a book dorkasoar <Severian> project gutenberg <Severian> has lots of books <Omni> so <Omni> what is it about? <TKFeck> The Library of Congress -->| ApeOnThursdays (n=chatzill@159-134-233-90.as1.cbr.castlebar.eircom.net) has joined #uncyclopedia <Coelispex> it's about the war between states or tribes of ancient india <TKFeck> lololol <TKFeck> Ape! <TKFeck> On! <Omni> does it has sex? <TKFeck> Thursdays! <Coelispex> of course <Coelispex> Krishna is in it <Coelispex> he bones fuckin everything in sight <TKFeck> So it's historically accurate? <Coelispex> yeah just like the bible <Mhaille> I love it that his mum doesn't notice that he's fucking blue <zombieninja> Omni: Twenty questions you think of something okay? <Mhaille> there's some quote where she says "I always knew he was different as he used to steal butter" <Coelispex> then there's the part where Abraham is about to stab isaac when he's like 120 and has 34 kids <Mhaille> the kid is BLUE <Omni> zombieninja what? <Coelispex> but god turns into a ram and shakes some bush and Abraham burns his ass instead <Coelispex> kierkegaard was so stupid <Omni> I wonder what was on those people heads back them <Omni> to write all of those crazy stuff <zombieninja> Omni: Let's play twenty questions. You think of something, I get to ask twenty questions like "is it pink?" and then I guess what it is. <Coelispex> he thought that was the main point of interest in world religion <Omni> zombieninja <Omni> okay <Omni> just thought of something <Omni> I think that the bible was like... harry potter <zombieninja> okay <zombieninja> does it have sex? <Omni> zombieninja no <zombieninja> can it have sex? <Coelispex> yeah omni, really stupid and only believed by infantile minds <Omni> and it was the best seller of jerusalem times <Coelispex> hahahah <Omni> zombieninja no <Coelispex> whooops <zombieninja> is it alive? <Omni> zombieninja no <Coelispex> I mean, don't smite me God <Coelispex> I mean G-d <zombieninja> is it solid? <Severian> http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFH/Hong_Kong_Feng_Shui <Omni> zombieninja yes <OFS> G---d <zombieninja> uh... <OFS> Gourd <OFS> Oh my gourd <Coelispex> http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Peter_Pantheism <zombieninja> Is it grey? <Coelispex> needs pictures <Coelispex> badly <Omni> depends <zombieninja> Is it made by humans? <Coelispex> SSSSSSSSSHameless self promotion <Omni> yes <zombieninja> can it hold things? <Omni> no <Coelispex> it's a piece of shit <Severian> can it lick things? <zombieninja> is it often large? <Omni> no <zombieninja> Can you fit it in an envelope? <Omni> yes <Coelispex> hair <Coelispex> ok I lose <zombieninja> Is it rather popular? <Omni> I don't know how to answer that <Coelispex> not if you're Tully Sevalis <zombieninja> u <zombieninja> uh <zombieninja> okay then <zombieninja> I give up cuz I suck at this game. <Omni> it's not unpopular, but it's not like, a big hit <Omni> it's booger <zombieninja> oh cool <zombieninja> Whoever said hair was close. <Coelispex> hey at least I had some sort of excrement right <Omni> my time <Omni> who will think of something? |<-- TheLedBalloon has left irc.freenode.net ("...or has he????") <Coelispex> Got it <Omni> is it alive? <Coelispex> nope <Omni> is it found in space? <Coelispex> depends. <Omni> is it multi colored? <Coelispex> one color at a time, but can be different colors <Omni> is it usually symmetrical in shape? <Coelispex> shapeless <Omni> can it fit in a hand? <Coelispex> yup <zombieninja> old lady tits. <Coelispex> nope <Coelispex> they don't let old ladies in space! <Omni> is it hard? <Coelispex> nope <Coelispex> well, I guess not literally <Omni> okay I know what it is <Coelispex> you're talking about tactile sense right? <Omni> but I'll ask a few more questions <Omni> just to be sure <Coelispex> ok <Omni> yes Coelispex <Omni> does it have a mustache? <Coelispex> no <Omni> can it sing the national anthem of porto rico? <Coelispex> puerto rico doesn't have a national anthem <Omni> it's YES or NO! <Coelispex> no <Omni> can it or can it not?! <Omni> okay <Coelispex> because it is impossible to do something that doesn't exist <Omni> when you twirl it under the moon light, does it squirt milk? <Coelispex> no <Omni> if you burrow it and come back 12 years latter, will you find a gnome with pink shoes sitting over the burial site? <Coelispex> no because gnomes don't exist <Omni> do gnomes exist? <Coelispex> only in travelocity land <Omni> do they exist in a metaphorical metaphysicial sense? <Coelispex> no but they do in a metonymical sense <Coelispex> ok it was alcohol <Coelispex> I give up <Omni> alcohol isn't multi colored <Coelispex> hell it isn;t <Omni> I was going to say oil <Omni> you said it can be of various collors <Coelispex> I said it can be different colors but not two at once <Omni> but alcohol is colorless <Omni> Oh <Coelispex> booze <Coelispex> whatever <Omni> alcohol is only colored when it has something else <Coelispex> who the fuck drinks 100% alcohol -->| diMario (n=diMario@86.92.173.184) has joined #uncyclopedia <Omni> people use 100% alcohol.. <Omni> actually <Omni> not 100% <Omni> but near that <Omni> to clean stuff <Omni> and desinfect <diMario> Omni: I do <Coelispex> and why it is in space is cuz if you think the Ruskis are leaving home without their vodka you're wrong <Omni> alcohol can exist in space <Omni> I guess... <Omni> it's physically possible <Coelispex> and why it's hard is cuz HARD liquor <diMario> Alcohol can exist in me <Omni> Coelispex your answers were ambiguous and imprecise <Coelispex> "alcohol" not "ethanol" <diMario> The harder, the better <Omni> I declare myself great winner <Omni> alcohol is ethanol <diMario> c2h50h <Coelispex> great something <Coelispex> hahaha <Omni> ethanol is just the scientific name <Omni> actually <Omni> so is alcohol <Omni> I guess alcohol is just the popular name <Coelispex> alcohol is the generic name, aka anything with alcohol in it <Omni> you sure? <Omni> I think ethanol means the same as alcohol <Coelispex> if you're having a party and you tell someone to bring some alcohol <diMario> Wiksky rulezzzz <Omni> it's just using a different standard for nomeclature <Omni> oh <Omni> but that's amongs the layman <Omni> the inferior creatures <Coelispex> what the fuck do you think they're gonna show up with, a bottle of 100% ethanol <Omni> that populat the world <diMario> Cor blimey bring on the booze you buggers <Omni> actually <Omni> they could <Omni> so they would help you clean after <Omni> because there might be stains <Omni> or in case somoene gets a cut <Omni> so you throw alcohol * Severian diMario <Omni> people can get a cut with broken bottles <Coelispex> no, cuz they'd be too lame to get invited to a party if they were going to be socially retarded enough to bring something like that <Severian> cunts for all! |<-- Severian has left irc.freenode.net ("http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFH/Hong_Kong_Feng_Shui") <ApeOnThursdays> Hey everyone <diMario> "there might be stains" yeah right, just after I'm done <Omni> I would definetely bring alcohol <Omni> as in cleaning alcohol <Coelispex> that's not ethanol <Omni> or maybe some ethanol from a gas station <Omni> HEY <Omni> BIG FUCKING QUESTION! <Omni> gas station... <Omni> okay <diMario> Severian: good mourning <rwg|laptop> SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS! <Omni> when the sell ethanol <Omni> are they still a gas station? <Coelispex> thats isopropyl alcohol <diMario> It makes you blind <Coelispex> come on, and I thought you were a chemist, but no, you're just a discontinued Dodge <OFS> |<-- Codeine has left irc.freenode.net () <Omni> I'm not a chemist <Omni> I just remember some stuff from high school <Omni> I had some decent chemistry classes <Omni> though I slept a lot <Omni> chemistry is cool <Coelispex> then why were you giving me the third degree about the proper definition of alcohol <Omni> but hard <Coelispex> no--- Ether is cool <Coelispex> to steal <Omni> because I was feeling like being a nuisance <Coelispex> hahha <Omni> I hate the smell of ether <Coelispex> and sodium is bad fucking ass <Coelispex> especially when you throw some in water <Badger> An eth station. * diMario sighs <diMario> Anyone interesting on ? <Coelispex> who knew half of salt was fucking explosive? <Omni> me <Badger> Nobody at all <Omni> I'm very interesting <Badger> Except perhaps diMario <Omni> I'm interesting a lot <OFS> the other half is FUCKING POISON -->| AAA^ (n=chatzill@unaffiliated/aaa/x-372916) has joined #uncyclopedia <ApeOnThursdays> No you're not <Coelispex> and all the salt in the sea if it separated would create a magnificent bomb that left the biggest cloud of poison gas EVER! <Omni> a place in the queue is a kick ass song <Omni> it fits you diMario <Coelispex> that's how God is gonna PWN at the rapture <Coelispex> hahahah -->| Leoispotter (n=chatzill@cpe-74-75-66-199.maine.res.rr.com) has joined #uncyclopedia <ApeOnThursdays> Can someone explain "PWN"? <diMario> I'm waiting... <Omni> ApeOnThursdays <Omni> don't you know pwn? <Coelispex> a common misspelling of OWN <Omni> you can't simply not know pwn <Coelispex> that was created by a typo * OFS rock to: Cryptopsy - Phobophile <Omni> it's impossible <ApeOnThursdays> Ah <AAA^> i have 3 words for you people <AAA^> sue me, bitch: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Top10_07#Francis Winkler <Omni> hey diMario what sort of music are you into? <Tesfan> xD <AAA^> sue me, bitch: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Top10_07#Francis_Winkler <OFS> Doo doo doo doo doo doo doodle doodle <AAA^> for crying out loud <ApeOnThursdays> I thought it was like a laser sound <Omni> no <Coelispex> oh, sorry, Ape On Thursdays, I meant PWN means "Fisher Price" for short <Omni> a laser sound is pueun * AAA^ kills his copy + paste button <Omni> or psssion <OFS> lazers pew pew <Omni> no <Omni> lasers pssion pueun <Coelispex> Fisher Price!!!!!!!!!! <Omni> and sometimes they dzzsdzzsdzzs <Coelispex> Fo Life! <Omni> but only the powerful lasers dzzsdzzsdzzs <diMario> Omni: La Streisand, Alan Parsons Project, Jean Michel Jarre, Yes, and anything 70's 80's <Coelispex> too bad most lasers are silent <Coelispex> fucking george lucas <Omni> diMario don't you enjoy any band from nowadays? <LordKaT> oh man, my poops are finally starting to form a solid mass again. <Omni> like the flower kings <Omni> or the tangent <Omni> ? <diMario> Omni: I have difficulties being exposed to contempranean music <Omni> those bands are prog rock <Coelispex> hahaha <OFS> hehehehehehe <Coelispex> I was about to say something about prog rock <Omni> they are nothing really different from what one would get during the 70's <Coelispex> some kid at work the other day told me he got a couple prog rock cds <Omni> except better sound quality <Coelispex> having never heard of it I thought he said "Prauge" Rock <Coelispex> and I was like, who the fuck rocks in the Czech republic? <diMario> Omni: they just are too loud for my taste. And too disharmonic <Omni> nah diMario <Mhaille> yes.....thpse Czechs kick ass <Omni> the flower kings and the tangent aren't loud at all <Omni> or disharmonic <Coelispex> Not when Nato is around <Coelispex> NATO PWNS <Omni> wut? <Coelispex> uh hello, where have you been the last 20 years? <Omni> diMario www.pandora,com <Omni> Coelispex outside an asylumn <Omni> what about you? <diMario> Omni: well, maybe somewhere along the line, I beame an old man (tm) <Coelispex> NATO took over the whole balkan peninsula and put a shitload of nukes over there <Omni> then <Omni> at pandora.com <Coelispex> slaughtered albanians, romanians, gyps <Omni> you just type either the flower kings or the tangent <Coelispex> fucking killed epople <Omni> and it'll play some of it <Coelispex> and called them terrorists <rwg|laptop> Aah, the sweet smell of malfunctioning science. <Coelispex> I just got redflagged by the NSA for telling you guys about it <Omni> okay <Omni> I know what the nato is <Omni> but why the hell did you bring it up? <Coelispex> hang on, the illuminati is at my door trying to assassinate me <Omni> the la li lu le lo? <Leoispotter> I've never seen BHOP as desolate as it is nwo <Leoispotter> *now <Coelispex> we were talking about "Czechoslovakia" <Coelispex> aka <Omni> we were? <Coelispex> the balkan war <Omni> I though we were talking about music <Coelispex> Prague rock <Coelispex> same diff