War on Tourism
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The War on Tourism, occasionally the War on Tourerism, is a global war against the influence of mass tourism world wide. In many cultures, mass tourism poses a real danger to the traditional -- and often medieval -- values and traditions.
In a country like Egypt, the War on Tourism involves placing bombs in Tourist areas and shooting at tourist buses with guns and rockets.
One famous tourist is Osama bin Laden. Originally from Saudi Arabia, he visited Afghanistan as an USA-financed tourist and decided to stay there for many years. This was reason for the USA to mass bomb the country, which in theory was a great solution to kill one single tourist. However, it did not kill enough people, according to critics.
Recently, the American presidential administration has decided to change the term War on Tourism to something a little more boring and scientific. Thus was born the Struggle against Going Somewhere Other Than Where You Live Sometimes (SAGSOTWYLS). The media has adopted it with fervor, and people who Go Somewhere Other Than Where They Live Sometimes are continually hunted around the globe.
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[edit] Tourist season
In most countries, there will be one or more designated tourist seasons where it is lawful to hunt and kill tourists. Requirements to obtain a hunting license and gun permit are often waived, depending on the country and the level of tourist infestation in the area. It is best to contact game wardens; some jurisdictions impose a bag limit on the number of tourists while others offer a bounty to encourage hunters to cull the herd in areas where tourists have become pests or threaten the local environment.
The use of bait, such as gambling halls or tacky souvenir shops, is effective in trapping tourists but is frowned upon by some sportspersons as disruptive to the natural habitat.
[edit] How to identify tourists
The typical tourist will have any or all of the following:
- Camera constantly around neck
- Hawaiian shirt (except in Hawaii)
- Shorts in all climates
- Safari hat with sunglasses
- Traveller's checks
- Map
- Fanny pack / Bum Bag
- Bottled water
- Intolerance of foreign cultures
- In the case of British tourists, the strong desire to eat only fish&chips, steak and curry.
[edit] What people say about The War on Tourism
“If Hawaiian shirts are illegal, only tourists will have Hawaiian shirts.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Tourism
"We have nothing to fear but Japanese businessmen with 15 cameras."
~ Winston Churchill on Acid
"Gives whole new meaning to the phrase 'Tourist Trap'".
~ Mark Twain on Afghanistan
[edit] International Coalition for Tourists
The Internation Coalition for Tourists (ICT) has fought back with petitions, demonstrations, and war. Demonstrations happen wherever the tourists are (which is just about everywhere). The Traveller's Army (TA), a sector of the ICT, recruits tourists from around the world to counter the War on Tourism. Not just do they fight, but they get to visit the areas of the world where their battles take place. The ICT has tee-shirts that say "I love tourism".
[edit] Tiki God AKA *The Core Mind*
Bothan Central Intelligence uncovered a shockingly sodomistic secret [alliteration] about the Tourists. The mindless and self-involved race of people are controlled by a "Core Mind", the Tiki God. This central consciousness forces its minions into slavery and bondage, through the seductive promise of "nick-nacks" and several "paddy-whacks", more or less. "Fusion" with the "Core Mind" usually occurs in the pre-pubescent years of the average drone.
...that is all.
"Many bothans have died for this information" ~ Howie Mandel, on Ord Mantell, in reference to the discovery of the Tiki God
"Fusing with The Core Mind is no walk in the park, in fact it is just the opposite... almost like a walk through a pre-school playground at recess while that older boy from third grade chases you around with a dog-doo stick [+1 avoidance]" ~ Oscar Wilde
