Warp drive

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHSLIPSHITTHISISWAAAAAAYTOOOFAAAAASSSSSSTTTTTT!!!”

~ Oscar Wilde in Warp Drive

Warp Drive, or "les bouef derrier" as it is commonly referred to in Denmark, was first discovered in 1983 by the late Sir Roy Castle whilst investigating claims of a record breaking level of flatulence amongst a small group of ferrets in the Galapagos islands.

Sir Castle made this discovery somewhat humourously, when he noticed an unusual phenomenon that made the small rodents escape from their cages. Unusually, the rodents would spontaneously disappear and reappear outside their cage at work, or in his home.

Frustratingly, Sir Castle's experiments damaged many of his, and his family's expensive vinyl records. Roy eventually found that the phenomenon was caused when specific pungent gases interacted with the atmosphere to cause a strange quantum funneling effect. This pushed the rodents out of our location clock matrix and into an unusually compressed alternative universe called "intraverse" that allows the animals to travel at relative speeds beyond that of light. When these gases had been deplected, the animals would re-align with our universe and re-appear at a different location. The rodents would then be required to consume sufficient amounts of Mango beans to allow further "fruit jumps".

This ferret probably has something to do with the article.

It is a well known fact that many scientists often have digestive problems due to their inactive lifestyles, which is probably why this group of people are the researchers, believing that warp drive will some day be used as a means of getting from A to B.

The current whereabouts of Roy are unknown. Roy is supposed to be working closely with Muslim terrorist groups in the hope that the earth will eventually be cleansed of the dirty. Other reports suggest that this is unlikely given Sir Castle's present condition.

[edit] Popular Culture References

In years before its discovery, Warp Drive was used by Gene Roddenbury in his science fiction epic - "Star Trek", and was later expanded into 5 more feature films (although many fans like to forget that two of these were ever made). Warp Drive was used as a means to transport the series' captain between erotic encounters with beautiful alien women across the galaxy as well as making a fast get-away possible, should his sheilding fail. This part of Trek was later expanded into a spin-off series of the all-action but highly responsible super hero - "Captain Condom".

[edit] Theorem

Practical uses of Warp Drive technology are still many many years away although according to more recent research papers, the theory is well established.