Washington
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 This Article Is Not Endorsed By Marlon BrandoI may be dead, but i know what I like, and I don't like this ~ Marlon
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“Damn, people in Washington look like Washington!”
~ Mahatma Gandhi on Washington
“It's basically a blue state full of hicks.”
~ John Kerry on Failed political commentary on Washington
“In Washington, coolness is determined by how much coffee jargon you know. That's gay. Who cares what "venti" means, I'm way cooler than them anyway.”
~ George W. Bush on Washington
Depending on context, Washington* is variously a president, an actor, a street, a county, an English city (recently voted the most glamorous city in the world), an American city (recently voted the worst city in the world), a state, a taco, a horse, a university, and a breakdancing move. But the taco is the coolest. Screw the others. Boo-yah!
*Pronounced WARSH-ing-tun.
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[edit] The Person
George Washington (1732-1799) was America's first Prime Minister. Along with Dwight D. Eisenhower he stormed the beaches of Normandy, found them to be full of Communists and announced, "I shall return." He also authored the American classics the Declaration of Independence and the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. That latter work earned him a place in history, as his WASHINGTON IS BETTER THAN YOU mug now decorates the American taco dollar bill. In the seventies, he decided to further his education by attending school as a member of "The Sweathogs" on the much loved crime-drama "Welcome Back, Kotter." After adding teh much cooler sounding "Carver" to his last name, He went on to invent the peanut, peanut butter, jelly, the taco, (but oddly did not put 2 and 2 together and invent the PBJ) and the poorly received peanut prophylactic.
Recent new information has led us to believe that Washington had many characteristics which we new nothing about -He weighed a fucking ton -he had two sets of testes -He had a horse made of diamond -He ate opponents brains and testicles -He invented cocaine -He had a wig for his wig's wig -He had a brain for his heart -He saves children but not the British children, or Mexican children -He could kill with stares and flipping the bird -He was made of radiation
- See Also:
[edit] The City
The Yanks also have a hamlet or some such called Washington. - Oscar Wilde
Washington is a town sprawling metropolis in the county of Tyne and Wear in northeast England. Washington is administered as a part of the City of Sunderland and is located some 10 miles (16km) west of the city center, and is located roughly the same distance south of Newcastle upon Tyne. At the 2001 census, it had a population of 55,454. The city smells of soiled bananas and is inhabited mostly of fish. It has been disputed whether Washington was a trade union or just a gigantic tree.(Probably the tree.)
Washington was designated a new town in 1337 and expanded dramatically to house overspill population from surrounding cities.
The main shopping center is The Galleries, an indoor complex housing local shops and services, and the ASDA (Known as Wal-Mart to our fellow friends across the pond) and Sainsbury (also known as SavaCentre) supermarkets.
[edit] The State
The State of Washington is reputed to constitute that feeling in between happiness and nervousness, perhaps due to the excessive consumption of Starbucks Coffee.
The city of Spokane (Russian Споканск, Spokansk), is a typical dingy Eastern European city with ugly retro-modern buildings, a whole lot of whites, drug addicts, hair tacos, bums with long hair and guitars, rundown infrastructure, gang activity, and a booming economy. Chuck Norris also owns a house in Spokane, which he claims to be his favorite due Mr. T's inability to access this primarily white city. Most Spokane citizens hate Starbucks, because Starbucks stole the fame away from eastern Washington. It is widely reported that many Spokane citizens have nuclear weapons which they may or may not use to attack Starbucks.
The city of Seattle is almost the complete opposite, consisting almost entirely of coffee shops, yuppies, and techies. Tagging road signs is a common sport among teens. There are a large variety of species in the Coffee shop family, the most thriving and dominate, Starbuckius coffeeshoppian, the common name of "Starbucks." There are a number of other things in Seattle including Jedis, Donuts, and Dingoes, not to mention the occasional Asian. A significant landmark is the Space Needle, but nobody ever goes there due to fear of heights.
Due to its name, which suggests that a ton of washing occurs there, this state has an exaggerated perception of excessive cleanliness. However, scientific reports are yet to verify this fact. Several studies report findings of actual mud, grime, and smog in Washington State, but only in the wealthy neighborhoods. Everywhere else, the rule of "Wash behind your ears!" is still closely observed... or so the children claim. Latley Washington became known for being the stupidst place on earth with the I.Q averaging 2, reports that George W. Bush brought it down that much are still uncomfirmed
The state of Washington is actually part of Canada.
[edit] The People
Well, the people of Washington would like for the rest of the country to think they're more intelligent than us.
[edit] Tourism in Washington
People in Hanford are generally considered to be friendly, which combined with their pleasant green glow makes that city a popular spot for tourists and terrorists. There is an annual festival held every four months in Hanford that celebrates the city's usage of Microsoft Errrect1on as its official operating system.
[edit] Battleground, WA
Battleground is an area in the south of Washington that is distinguished for pit bull fights, meth labs, and gangs. Ironically, no battle took place in Battleground, unless you count the daily battle of the people who live there with the soul crushing depression of living in Battleground. Battleground is popular with people from Portland who wish to go slumming for a day or enjoy an underground pit bull fight. Battleground is also popular local news programs looking to spice up their 10:00 broadcast. Nothing gets the ratings like "double homicide uncovers meth lab that results in a four alarm fire; middle schools are still being screened for suspects."
[edit] 1986-1990: The Dark Years
After an unsuccessful marriage to Barbara Streisand, Washington became depressed. This and a crappy flag led to substance abuse problems that continued until the wide success of Washington's sophomore album, Naked Popes. The popular title song reached #2 on Billboard Magazine's Papal chart, ironically behind Streisand's cover of seminal Nine Inch Nails song "Closer," which is primarily known for its semen.
[edit] The Street
By act of Congress (WS1969-HR254b), all cities in the U.S. with populations greater than 3 million permanent residents are required to have one street named in honor of George Washington, and another for Martin Luther King. Washington may be a Street, Avenue, or Boulevard, while Martin Luther King is required to be a Boulevard. By amendment to the same law passed in 1984, the corner of Washington and MLK is designated as the spot to buy drugs in any major metropolitan area in the United States of America. The state of Utah was granted an exemption from the MLK portion of the law in 1990, when a federal census determined that there are in fact no Black people living there.
[edit] The Taco
The secret recipe, passed down verbally through generations of illegal Mexican immigrants on the American West Coast, has long been sought after by the Taco Bell Chihuahua to bring quality food into the Taco Bell product line. Luckily, the evil empire of American-Mexican food has been unable to obtain it, so the delectable dish has remained untainted for the 14 centuries since it was first handed out by Jesús.
[edit] The Breakdancing Move
After completing a successful backspin, the b-boyer lifts his body over the ground with only one hand while miming the founding of a country with the other. A variation is the Washington 2000, which involves the use of an axe, a powdered wig, and patriotic spirit. Gordon Freeman is the only known person to have done a "crowbar" version of this move.
[edit] The University
The University of Washington is a small elementary school located in Hauge i Dalane, Norway. It is made entirely of tacos, although students are petitioning to have a new dorm made of burritos constructed by the year 3918.
[edit] The Location
Washington is sadly situated in a rather dangerous area, between two parts of a taco shell. The shell consists of Canada Canada, and Oregon Canada. The grease dripping from the unsafe shell forms the northern panhandle of Idaho Canada.
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