Waterford

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Waterford, or the Deise, is a squirrel strong hold in the nether regions of Ireland

[edit] The Beautiful County of Beautiful Bounty

It is famous for its long golden beaches and transparent crystal watches. Jesus spent much of his wild years in The Maryland when Waterford was a fragile dwarf colony and it is there that he invented his patented healing tecnique on an unfortunate syphilis victim. This famous brothel is still thriving with sailor and political custom almost two thousand yaers later as a result of the publicity the son of God created. As a result Waterford is also thriving. Famous for a completely corrupt police force, the drug squad are habitually fired to joyous celibrations in the People's Park. Of course they are always rehired on a technicality to hideous shudders from the thriving Buckfast community living in Waterford's squats. If you ever go to Waterford be sure to be kind to screaming winos or else the otherwise friendly Waterfordonians will run long tendrils into every oriface and blast you full of their digestive juices, before carting you off to the hive centre known as Waterpark. It is not know what happens here.

[edit] Interesting Facts

• Waterford famously exports its breakable glass, fun for all the family.
• Cheese reigns supreme in The Deise. You don't fuck with the Kilmeadan.
• Robots are set to replace all children by 1997.
• Cats are for eating, dogs are for fishing.
• The average Waterfordian IQ is 576
• In Waterford, nobody can hear you scream.
• Waterford has a sister in St. John's, Canada
• Waterford runs on a 6 day week as most people sleep through Funday.
• People from Waterford do not believe in the colour yellow.
• The abbreviation of the name of the local college in Waterford (WIT) actually stands for Werewolf Interpretation Theory
• Boris The Clown lived in Waterford for 8 months
• The "Blaa" is the staple diet of Waterfordians

[edit] Famous Children

Waterford's most famous son is Oscar Wilde. He added the beautifully defining "e" shortly before leaving his homestead. This was in homage to his party people in the metroland. Of them he said "I dunno bouy, I am lost for words".

One of the more recent "sons" of Waterford(boy) is the national television star and local member of the travelling community (knackers, travellers) Chris Doran. he once famously won the least prestigious award in Ireland The your-a-star competition (euuuur-ah-staaaar) After winning this competition Chris was extradited to a foreign country on a littering charge and as a cover up (so as not to tarnish his breakthrough career) he was submitted as Ireland's entry to the contest in which he finished 254th. Chris is known to be the only traveler to live within concrete walls and spends his days (Crusin) through Waterford city in his car, applying fake tan and "skopin" "beors" in city square. Chris released an album which went copper within weeks of being released as every resident of the "Hennessey's Road' purchased/robbed the album.

[edit] Local Language

The local language in Waterford(boy) is quite unique Some such phrases in the local area are:

• "Jaysus boy it was like Fuckin' Bunkers" = "My word that hill was quite steep"
• "boy" used as a punctuation mark and as the subject for any sentence e.g. "Well boy", "What the fuck are ye talkin abou boy"
• "Here i saw yer ma comin out of the Maryland last night" = "I propose that your mother is a prostitute as i saw her emerging from a brothel last night.
• "D'ya want yer go boy?" = "Would you be interested in a bout of fisticuffs?"
• "Well Boy" = this is the most useful phrase you will ever need going to Waterford (and who'd go to Waterford?). It can be adorned with a question mark, exclamation, comma, full stop or a pint bottle of Phoenix. Well Boy means anything you want it to mean but don't say it in Ballybricken on a Saturday night because you won't be well boy after that and will end up in Ardkeen Hospital with a broken face.