"Weird Al" Yankovic
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“Weird Al is a parody of me...and a good one at that.”
~ God
“Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep..how did he know?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Weird Al Yankovic
“I'm just too White and Nerdy”
~ Weird Al on Himself
Weird Al Yankovic, AKA Accordion Jesus, or better known by his pseudonym "Alfred Matthew" Yankovic, was born in Siberia from a hole in the snow. He later became famous after Vladimir Putin listened to "Let's Bomb Iraq" and promoted him to Entertainer In Chief of the KGB at the tender age of 8. Yankovic later moved to America, following an invitation by Richard Nixon for tea, and a nice little record party. The Russians misinterpreted this act as treason, and Yankovic currently lives in exile as a wanted criminal of the Putin regime. If you have any information concerning Yankovic, please contact your local Russian consulate immediately. He is the son of King Alfred Yankovic VI.
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[edit] Musical Career
Weird Al's musical career is one of the greatest in human history, rivaling that of Bach, The Beatles, Mariah Carey when she wasn't bonkers, and the future King of Dubai, Michael Jackson. All of his albums sold double platinum, counting only the records sold in the vicinity of the family hizzy-house in Lynwood, California (USA). He quickly made a name for himself due to witty lyrics, a fancy moustache, incredible beauty, and the help of his agents and Nazi Field Marshalls Gerd von Rundstedt and Erwin Rommel, while being white and nerdy never hurts.
He was nominated for Mr. Universe six years in a row, but never won the prize due to his inability to wear anything but swim-suits or oddly striped pants. "Without an evening gown, you simply can't win", his close friend Charlie Chapman said after the sixth time, and Weird Al then decided never to enter the contest again. To protest against this, his fans nominated a full-size cardboard replica of him, and - as they where able to dress it up in an evening gown - the cardboard dummy-Al won The 1999 Mr. Universe contest easily. Fans all over the world rejoiced at this mark of human achievement. However, the artist himself did not have time to watch the contest or receive the congratulating flowers, as he was busy running with scissors stuck in some lasagna while trying to eat it, because he was fat.
[edit] Controversy
No song Weird Al has ever written has been blatantly copied by people calling themselves "pop stars." If you ask anyone on the street he'll tell you that this is because Weird Al is at the center of a top-level government conspiracy, which is a cover for Al ruling the world with his mind-controlling polkas, which is a cover for the ultra-top-top level super-secret government conspiracy against him. The super government claims that Al is a copycat, but Al retorts that the others are copycats, and it goes back and forth until somebody's momma has to be called in. This, my friends, is what Angry White Boy Polka is all about!
[edit] Present day
In recent years, Weird Al has removed the mustache, sexy legs, and failing to be a prominent llama breeder, has devoted all his time to his wife Zelda and his two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly. (He's very, very, very happy because Nat and Superfly are pimped out) While trying to be a good family man, Weird Al also has had several unsuccessful attempts at reaching Nirvana, hometown of the eligible Legendary Rocker Curt Cowbone. Failing this, he instead has settled for living in the Democratic Republic of Chisick, England after watching too many Pirates of the Caribbean movies. To accomplish this task, Weird Al has been buying up treasure maps from pirates during the last five years, trying to find a way to get to the town. He came quite close to reaching it once, but was forced to turn back because he had a bad hair day.
[edit] The Real Nintendo 64 kid
Yankovic confirmed on his all totally pimped-out MySpace page that Brandon Puma, the viral video Nintendo 64 whiz, was the paternal son of Weird Al. He covered a spoof of the N64 video in a way like this: O my god, its a Nintendo 64!! But oh sister, you're such a whore. Stealing my spotlight and my fame. You're such a bitch that I won't share you my game. (Sung to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)
That song made Puma more famous and got him enough money to buy a Wii.
[edit] Legacy
[edit] Just Eat It
Many people felt threatened by the incisive nature of such lyrics as "Just eat it," and felt the need to satire this great man, notably that Michael Jackson's "Beat It" was an obviously poor joke, with none of the grace or wisdom that Weird Al possessed. He was allegedly killed by a mob of angry cabbages (Michael Jackson fans) that had to be put down with boiling water, and since then, there has been a national day of mourning every December 25th. It was also theorized that Al also could have either choked to death from swallowing a Nerf ball, or died from an infected paper cut while mailing a letter to his evil twin. Before that day, it was widely believed the only way to harm Weird Al was to force him to rip out his own heart, throw it on the floor, and stomp on it until he dies, "Rather than spending one more minute with you. YOU SUCK!!!"
[edit] Weird Al Sightings
There have been many alleged sightings of Weird Al (A.K.A. Tomás de Torquemada) in France. Some theories say that he decided to fake his own death after discovering he was a genius there. This is hotly debated among high school dropouts and Austrians. This causes a huge amount of friction between the two, normally very docile groups, which one group refers to the other as "lamerz" and the other simply shrugging and continuing on with their manual labor. It is believed by many that he faked his own death using the most believable method of the time; mobs of cabbages with something to prove.
[edit] The Trouble With Cabbages and No Boiling Water
Cabbages frequently feel inadequate because they feel superior in intellect to iceberg lettuce, which has a much better taste, originates from California, and yet gets more credit just because it's from California. It is also believed that Weird Al is secretly building an Army of cabbages to try and make another go at a takeover of the world, and that his most trusted circle of cabbages partook in his fake death. He chose cabbages for many reasons, including but not limited to the following:
- The fact that cabbages are susceptible to the Ludovico treatment. Even though they believe themselves to be superior to iceberg lettuce, they aren't.
- Aren't as tasty as iceberg lettuce and therefore he won't be as tempted to eat the army this time. (perhaps on a bull-ogg-nuh sandwich)
- Most importantly he believes cabbages to be more loyal to him than the Catholic Church was during his last attempted Genocide.
It has been suggested by P. Diddy and Russell Simmons that the mob of cabbages was actually hired by Coolio. Others, such as close friend Harvey the Wonder Hamster, believe Prince was responsible.
[edit] Weird Al is Better Than Emiril
Allegedly makes a mighty fine jelly bean and pickle sandwich. For what it's worth.
[edit] Weird Al, Framer of the Articles of Universal Excuse
Al is also the ghostwriter of the first five amendments to the United States Constitution, originally named the Bill of Rights. These five amendments were later repealed due to defendants in murder trials misusing them as a loophole to receive their "unalienable right" to "party," which Living Document subscribers interpreted to mean free sweet corn and state-provided hookers, bling, guns, and Mariah Carey. After the removal of the Bill of Rights, which consisted simply of five separate oil-and-pencil drawings of the rear end of a famous politician from Yankovic's vacay resort of Guadalajara, Mexico, Congress drafted the ten amendments we now know as the Articles of Universal Excuse.
[edit] You're Pitiful
[edit] Straight Into Compton
As it turns out, Keira Knightley, a great fan of his, brought him back from the dead recently. Coincidentally Kiera Nightly also brought wierd al yankovich back from the dead at exactly the same time. Anyway, now that he's alive, he's going to try to get himself killed again (he's still suicidal) by walking into Compton, California screaming, "White and nerdy!" at the residents. Since he be an O-G from the S-G, this would do the trick. You can see him do this on Robot Chicken on September 24th. A posthumous album called Straight Into Compton will be released a few days later. Buy it in his memory. Please. Also, don't download this song.
[edit] Yankovic v. Colorado
In 2006, Weird Al sued the state of Colorado on the grounds that it looked too similar to the state of Wyoming. The case was carried on up to the Supreme Court and was widely publicized, giving Weird Al large amounts of public attention through the media. Widely believed to be an elaborate publicity stunt, the case was not taken seriously by the Supreme Court. Weird Al's only arguments against Colorado were that "It looks too much like Wyoming". Colorado's attorneys retaliated this statement by stating that Colorado was, in fact, established as a state before Wyoming, and therefore, Weird Al should be suing the state of Wyoming instead. By a narrow vote of seven to two, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of Colorado, which in turn put a restraining order on Mr. Yankovic.
[edit] Weird Al Qaeda
In 2000, Weird Al Yankovic, Dreaner, Stuttering John, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Monty Python put together a video sent to the U.S. government, claiming that on the first day of the Weird Al "Running With Scissors" Tour, doom would come to all Americans in the form of a song called "Mr. Popeil". The music terrorist group later denied that they had anything to do with this lame parody, but were later assassinated by Abraham Lincoln's forces and replaced with metrosexual robots. The robots went on to tour in "Spamalot", "Avenue Q", produced their not-hit album "Straight Outta Lynwood", and starred in the movie, "I ROBOT", a film discussing the personality of politicians in our community, and how it stole the title from some old vector game from the 80's.
[edit] Super Smash Bros. Brawl
While the creation of Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Sega, Microsoft, and Atari begged to Nintedo to put their hit characters Weird, Al, and Yankovic to be in Super Smash Bros. Brawl Nintendo, being the somewhat nice people they are, decided to merge all three charcters as Weird Al Yankovic and put them in their new game. Upon finding out that Weird Al Yankovic was already an American singer, the idea was quickly disbanned.
[edit] Trivia
- If you listen to ONLY Weird Al music, you're just trying to make it seem like you like music but you don't know any bands.
- Random Guy ses, in the Werds of Weird Al "YOU SUCK", So don't diss The Man
- Did I mention the drive-thru?
- Did I mention he be an O-G from da S-G? Oh yeah I dizzle m'shizzle, know'm sayin?
- In all of his songs, Al hasn't use the following words: scent, steel, sighted, vent, cardinal, roughage, Imgonnakillyoulikethefuckeryouare.
- Edits Uncyclopedia, and says "YOU SUCK" in every page he edits.
- Edits Wikipedia, and says "YOU SUCK" in every page he edits.
- YOU SUCK
- Replaced Mario in Super Smash Brothers Brawl.
- Used up his 15 minutes of fame 16 minutes ago?
- Started Little Al Snack Cakes, but the idea of chewing on Little Al's cake didn't seem to appeal to the general public, so the name was quickly changed to Little Debbie Snack Cakes
- Creator of the song "British Idiot", which Green Day copied and used Canadian Idiot
- Is scared of dinosaurs. Now worships Jehovah by eliminating them.
- Ha Ha, we suck... Oh, wait...sorry
- Is risen from the dead.
- The melting point of gorilla's head is 666 degree Celsius
- Loves LimeWire.
- Is better than ninjas, pirates, robots, dragons, or Robotic Pirate Ninja-Dragons.
- Is, in fact, White AND Nerdy!
- Is pregnant again.
- Raped Yoda.
- Smells like Nirvana.
- Even Ezekiel thinks that his mind is gone.
- Does he like Kirk or does he like Picard?
- He occasionally lies saying he knows Paulie Shore, and doesn't know why he says that.
- At 4:30 in the morning he's milking cows, Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows.
- He doesn't leave home without his pancreas.
- He even made a homepage for his dog.
- He doesn't know what he's singing.
- Said Gump is square []
- He's Callin' in Sick Today
- Great Googly Moogly, he's a genius in France!
- He recalls the time they found those fossilized mosquitoes.
- Getting disemboweled always makes him kind of mad.
- His first recording, "My Bologna", was recorded in a men's room at Cal Poly while cleaning urinals with his brillo-y hair.
- Burned down the maltshop where he used to go.
- Observes Weasel Stomping Day
- Can't watch this.
- Didn't win a twenty-volume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of Turtle Wax, and a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat.
- Is in fact, your mom.
- Weird Al is a good man with a good heart.
- Weird Al keeps a good heart in his freezer. Right behind the frozen pizzas.
- Married Wanda Von Supermarquette, aka Dr. Demento, in 1979
[edit] See also
- Al-oholics Anonymous
- People named in honor of "Weird Al" Yankovic
- Irrational
- Geek Mythology
- wierd al yankovich
- Normal Al. Weird Al's nemesis.
- Atlantic Records
- Dreaner. Weird Al's biological son.
