Welsh Congo
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
- This article is about the dance. For the vaguely-geographical entity, see Welsh Conga.
The Welsh Congo is all that remains of the once great nation of England, fortunately no-one has told the English people yet.
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| Official languages | French, German and English | |
| Capital | Dinas Cardiff | |
| King | Gordon Brown | |
| Established | 905 AD | |
| Currency | The cymro | |
Contents |
[edit] Government
The Welsh Congo is a Free-Market Communist (Socialist)dictatorship ruled by the evil Rhodri the Great, with a little help form his friends Tony Bliar and George W Bush.
[edit] Indigenous Peoples
Buncha fuckin' chavs and emo's from Blaenau Ffestiniog
[edit] History
The Welsh Congo was given to Welsh Immigrants in 905 AD by Henry VIII who was a prominent Japanese man who thought the Isle had been cursed by old gypsies and cowboys. Just before his death, since that time it has had many evil rulers but the myths say that if the Welsh Congo ever needs him Mark will return.
[edit] Geography
The Welsh Congo is largely made of dull grey buildings. Although there is some variation in atitude across the country, no part of the Welsh Congo is happy to be owned by their Welsh lords and masters.
[edit] Employment
Most people in the Welsh Congo work as unemployed people, or "on the dole" as they say in English. A few lucky ones work as tour guides in London, or extras in movies.
To be a citizen of The Welsh Congo, you must become a member of the Treadmill of the week association. This is a pointless club where you sit in a dingy community hall with other Welsh Congolese who all wear donkey jackets and flat caps while they tell you about their ailements and which one of the others in the room is going to get glassed tonight at the "Grubby Arms" Pub.
Chefs who have specialized in traditional Welsh Congolese cooking are known world-wide for their ability to torture information out of prisoners, using things such as "bangers & mash", Beef Wellington, "toad in the hole", "blood sausage" and "spotted dick. Indian food has crossbred with Welsh Congolese cooking to create "kebab vans", mobile food cooking units which NATO recognizes as a source of chemical and biological weaponry. However, Welsh Congolese chocolate is above average, excelling the chocolate-making abilities of the Russians, the Croatians, and the Argentinians, but still far less superior to the Germans, Swiss, Japanese, and the Belgians.
The job of "bartender" is a highly prized one, as the custom of the Welsh Congolese workers drinking from quitting time on the job to the closing of the pubs gives the bartender lifelong job security.
The worst job in the Welsh Congo is that of the police officer, or known in the local W. Congolese dialect, the "bobbie". Since the government of the Welsh Congo hands out firearms to the criminals and not the policemen, the Welsh Congo can be a violent place to live in. New policemen are called "twenty-minuters" since the average lifespan of the new police officer shrinks to twenty minutes the first day of the job.
The second worst job in the Welsh Congo is to be royalty. The higher up in the royalty you are, the large the stick is that is implanted into your anus. Removing the stick causes MI-6 to kill you. You live in large cold museums and eat nothing but Spam, sausage, baked beans and Spam. You spend your time standing in front of people, looking ugly, and making speeches which put the audience to sleep. In your free time, you are allowed to ride a horse, hit a ball, engage in extramarital affairs and further the inbreeding and indebting of your family. However, the one perk is you get to divorce people without getting the Pope's say-so.
Recent News: There is no such thing as the sun according to the Scientific beaurau of this country, after this was made public, 5 of the 34 sun worshippers were eaten by lobsters.
[edit] Primary Exports
- beer, lager, stout
- aging rock n'roll bands Beatles, Rolling Stones, Spice Girls
- techno
- James Bond movies
- football hooligans
- Harry Potter movies
- BBC comedies
- Oscar Wilde
- Australians
- tea
[edit] Primary Imports
- Sheep
- Turnips
- Australians
- BMWs
- curry
- foreigners
[edit] Sports
The national sport of the Welsh Congo is soccer at one time it was rugby but they got pissed that Wales always beat them. Another national sport is one where a person fills a bag with their most prized possessions, then this person throws this bag into a group of 9 other people, whoever gets the bag first gets whalloped in the face with a hammer and they get to keep the bag. Truly a sport of kings.
[edit] See also
| North Africa | South Africa · Algeria · Egypt · France · Libya · Morocco · Sudan · Tunisia · Western Sahara |
| West Africa | Benin · Burkina Faso · Côte d'Ivoire · Ghana · Guinea · Guinea-Bissau · Library · Bob Marley · Mauritania · Niger · Nigeria · Senegal · Sierra Leone · Togo |
| Central Africa | Angola · Cameroon · Belgium · Central African Republic · Chad · Democratic Republic of the Congo · Equatorial Guinea · Tieland · Grab On · Republic of the Congo |
| East Africa | Burundi · To Boogy · Eritrea · Ethiopia · Kenya · Madagascar · Malawi · Mauritius · Mozambique · Rwanda · Seychelles · Somalia · Tanzania · Uganda · West Kenya · Zambia · Rhodesia |
| Southern Africa | Botswana · Gowandaland · Lesotho · Namibia · People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata · South Africa · Swaziland · Zululand |
| Our Benevolent Rulers | United Kingdom : Gibraltar · Indian Ocean Territory · Isle of Wight · Welsh Congo (Pitcairn Islands) |
