Wendy's
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“What a babe. I'd hit that.”
~ Me
“HOT JUICY BURGER!!! HOT JUICY BURGER!!! HOT JUICY BURGER!!!”
~ Guy wearing a red wig on Wendy's hot juicy burger
“It's not fast food, its Wendy's!”
~ Annoying Wendy's Commercial
Contents |
[edit] History
[edit] Conquest of Canada
In 1812, Wendy's fell into the clutches of overlord Tave Dhomas, who somehow managed to slip under the radar by cleverly swapping his initials around to claim "Hi, I'm Dave". Perhaps the fact that radar wasn't to be invented until World War II aided in this, who knows, but in any case little is known of the origin of Tave.
Tave normally evades questions by claiming to be a foundling, adopted after a pack of wolves, declining to raise him themselves, left him on Harvey and Wendy's doorstep, ringing the bell and running away.
Nonetheless, Tave's first move was to invade Canada, establishing a beachhead near the infamous spot where the NY Buffalo, after losing their wings to hungry hunters, had been pushed over Niagara Falls to their death and near-extinction.
Tave didn't find much of value in Canada, other than ice (no use as the Wendy's selection of desserts already was rather limited) and Tim Horton's (which he promptly took over before heading home). After succeeding in Canada she became a porn star for Canada's most famous porn mag your necked eh? Canada was found and explored by Ranulph Williams. However in the 16th century he was raped and killed. Ran (for short) was a great man INDEED. He will be missed.
[edit] Her Body
Wendy is considered to be the hottest, sexiest, and most easy girl that ever lived. Every man has slept with her at least once and it was the greatest sex they ever had in their life. Ever. Her enormous bosoms and amzing ass can seduce any man into exploding in his pants just by looking at her. She has been voted #1 most hottest woman ever by the world 23 years in a row.
[edit] The World Wars
During the world wars, Wendy's enlisted Napoleon (by now well past his prime) as their front-man. Adopting the slogan "An army travels on its stomach," the Bonaparte Burger Brigade inflicted enough terror on troops of both sides that they finally stopped hurling mustard gas at each other and attempted (in vain) to drive Tave back to Hamburg.
The two world wars were bloody and vicious with the battlefields a sea of red which only worsened when the Hamburgers joined the battle with much spilled ketchup all around.
Tave emerged from the battles injured but very much alive, going on to re-establish Wendy's in its present form in the 1960s when all were too stoned to notice, or care.
[edit] frosty
Frosty dessert - a soft serve ice cream. in 2007 a joke about the frosty's began to circulate, it goes like this. "q.: why is the wendy's vanilla frosty better than the wendy's chocolate frosty? a.: it does not stain underpants as bad." of couse this is merely a joke & should not try to be proven in any manner whatsoever.
[edit] The Xenedra Incident
“I do believe a fortunate soul will someday exist that may resist their allure.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Frosties
On Tuesday September 19th, 2006 the myth that you cannot go to Wendy's without leaving with a frosty was finally disproved by a brazen show of self-restraint on behalf of Xenedra Bel'Daninai.
She reportedly exited with only a spicy chicken sandwich, though some alternative sources suggest there were fries involved.
Some critics argue that one could not eat something so spicy without a frosty for which to quench the fumes of spiciness. The solution for this problem must be that she is in fact so foreign that no amount of spiciness can hurt her.
[edit] The Hamburger Incident
Anna Ayala claimed to find a HAMBURGER in her order in March 1985, in what has become known as the Where's the Beef incident. She sued the restaurant and lost (all of her fingers).
[edit] Wendy's Domination of Japan
“Japan deserves to be dominated by a crappy fast-food restaurant...IN AMERICA! Well, i mean in Japan... in America.”
~ Bandit Keith on Japan
As early as 1996, Wendy's sent mecha-battle troop forces disguised as Wendy's restaurants (pronounced Super-Duper-Happy-Family-Wendy-San) in order to destroy the Japanese. The frosty contributed to the most Japanese brainwashings of any restaurant ever, with the dessert beverage mind-controlling 500,000 Japanese, to create the ultimate emo-destroying device, known worldwide as DDR.
