Western Union

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A Western Union representative introduces a new household appliance to a meeting of The Society for Relatives of Sani Abacha. This new money laundering machine will help fill the need for fresh crisp currency in Nigeria.

Not actually western at all, Western Union is based in the Nigerian "Center of Excellence" which is the stunningly beautiful and pristine Lagos, Nigeria. Western Union's corporate headquarters are distributed throughout the seemingly endless population of completely modern cyber cafes.

Nigerians are meticulously fastidious and not only are the streets of the major cities spotlessly clean, but they take great care to routinely launder their money. Most prefer a hand-wash gentle cycle, followed by light starch to keep the bills fresh and crisp as they stack more neatly and can be more efficiently packed into large trunk boxes which are the preferred banking system. These trunk boxes are then deposited in astonishingly secure warehouse storage in rows of massive vaults. These facilities are so secure that often when the owner doesn’t have enough cash on hand to get his saving out to launder it, Western Union steps in and provides money donations from sympathetic welfare mothers in Amerika. This is often rewarded with huge amounts of cash, as the Nigerians may suddenly find no more room in the trunk box and simply send several tens of millions of dollars to the compassionate person that helps them get their trunk box out of storage.

Western Union in the selfless spirit of community service also pitches in a hand when long lost relatives die and leave their trunk loads of cash to their distant relations in Amerika.