Whale
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Hwales come from Mars. i love whales was the name of the native people of Wales, who after winning the Six Nations in 2005 and celebrating at the Selenium Stadium on May 28 of that year, felt that they had accomplished all of their aims. After traveling back in time to the Triassic Era, the people of Wales found a new home in the ocean where they eventually evolved into the lovable and cuddly creatures we know as whales. Whales often travel in large groups, called pods. Whales have the second largest male reproductive organs in the world. I have the first. Whales are a respectful people and deserve our respect. Many whales are from Wales, but some are from Norway.
Whales are small, the largest whale was measured up to 7 inches long. Flying whales can be spotted in the northers region of Africa and are extremely rare.
A Whale is also the name given to an obscenely fat person. Like Hunter Moose. Or you.
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[edit] Types
GAVIN Southern Lake Michigan is known for its wonderful sailing and cool fresh water, but little has been known about the abundant whale and dolphin population until recently. As winter turns to spring and the cool waters of the lake are warmed by the sun, the fresh water sperm whales and dolphins begin their annual southbound 1300-mile journey from Hudson Bay. Although there are a number of locks at Sault St. Marie, these beautiful and intelligent creatures forge a faster route through nearby streams, and by mid-June, they have reached the breeding grounds of southern Lake Michigan that they know as their "summer home". Freed from the threat of the whalers, taking benefits of the clean waters and abundant food of coho salmon, lake trout and zebra mussels, the whales remain in the southernmost 60 miles of the lake through mid-September.
The clean, fresh waters of the lake especially provide the dolphins benefits over their siblings swimming in salt water. Studies have shown that because they have no "salt layer" to coat their slick skin, they are able to run 40% faster than if they were in salt water. Also, with less buoyancy in the fresh water, it is believed that dolphins are able to reach depths that would be impossible in salt water, reaching food that is swimming along the lake bed.
The whales and dolphins have become part of the scenery and culture of the lake, and their connection to its history is as ancient as the Navajo Indians who settled the shore centuries ago. Although there are stories of the whales causing many of the shipwrecks in Lake Michigan in the late 1800s and early 1900s, these have proven to be fables; the freshwater whale is a gentle creature, and any negative reputation is undeserved.
A historical note ... the Lake Michigan Sperm Whale has been protected since the early 1920's, due to a little known provision of the Volstead Act. This spelled an end to the carnage caused by the whalers along the southern shores of Lake Michigan, and ensured the protection of this fresh water mammal. You can see remnants of whaling villages all over the shores of Michigan, Indiana and Illinois ... many of the traditional whaling harbors are now the present day marinas of Michigan, Indiana and Illinois
[edit] Whale Phenom
Due to their endangerment, whales are a rare sight to see. Recently, however, whales have been popping up more and more in people's homes, video games, pockets, private oceans, and even your own backyard. Recently, a documentary of whale sightings was formed so when the whale is finally extinct, the human race will have something left of them to laugh at for being so damn fat.
[edit] Exploding Whales
The Exploding Whale can be found in the Pacific and Arctic Oceans. It feeds upon krill and lozenges, but will not hesitate to scarf down an inner tube should you offer one. Contrary to popular belief, Exploding Whales do not choose to explode themselves for support of certain causes, but rather are victims of a rare hiccuping disease. If you should find a beached Exploding Whale, you are advised to back away slowly and not make any threatening noises.
[edit] BBC World Service
BBC World Service is actually programming specifically by Whales for Whales. This is why each broadcast features subtitles in Whale. In 1982 whales were the state bird of Nebraska.
[edit] Kate Whale
The most dangerous and disgusting whale of all is the Kate Whale. The Kate Whale can be found in the waters of Lilydale, and sometimes on land masquerading as a *female* (Kate Whales always have male genitalia) schoolgirl at the local hole of a high school. The Kate Whale has been known to have a liking for grandparents. If anybody ever tells you that they're going to Wales, STOP THEM! EVERYONE who goes to Wales ends up in the bottomless belly of a Kate Whale.
[edit] Whales and the global warming
As most obese people, whales take up an incredible amount of space by just floating around in the deep blue sea. This would be fine if not the polar caps were about to melt and raise the sealevel a significant amount of metres. Because of the ever-increasing laziness of the average joe (thanks to Ipods and interracial marriges between a man and mexican)there wont be anything done about the polar caps, we simply dont have enough time (1,000,000 years) So what do you do? Answer: Remove the things that are already raising the sealevel, the whales. By killing the whales and moving their corpse to africa as a food suply, the polar caps will not do anything but to reset the sealevel to its old state... Its a win-win situation! What has the whales ever done? are they even with in the foodcircle? The only thing they do is to mate, mate, eat, mate and shit... All of those things lead to the pollution of the bottom of the sea...
[edit] Facts
- Whales feed exclusively on floating tubes and rafts.
- Whales can grow up to 100 feet, which they use to walk along the sea bed. Primitive Whales, or \"Whole-Ohs\", are believed to be the ancestors of the modern turnip.
- Whales pose a great danger to merchant shipping, as they have a habit of crushing ships in their great big fangs and eating all of those inside. This poses a further danger with boats owned by drug smugglers, as a whale high on drugs will run onto land and then chase people. This can only be solved by whaling, preferably with nice shiny carpoons, which are shaped like cars to act as bait, so when the whale swallows the car, it gets spiked to death. They can also be killed by shoving arse-corks in their blowholes.
- Whales drink by sucking on icebergs
- The "hump" on a humpback whale is actually a genetic mutation caused by nuclear waste dumped into the sea by Soviets
- Blue Whales are actually midget giraffes
- The entire population of the Pink Whale, the result of genetic experimentation in which a Blue Whale (now extinct) was mated with a particularly ugly sweater, is housed at the University of The North Pole. The Pink Whale is a highly popular attraction at sexy parties, although they are now booked through the rest of existence. Despite their impressive size, whales are extremely flexible and it is possible to fit up to half a dozen of the species into a holdall.
- Whales are known as \"Mules of the sea\" Because of the accosiation between Mules and Man-eating. Whales are often observed lying on their backs, to disguise themselves as Crocodiles, Which stupid people will try to pet.
- The space Whales take up inside a Mini can be reduced by Blending using a Eggwhisk.
- People will use master bait to fish out good sperm whales from the ocean.
- Warning, never play hide and seek with a whale, it is believe that due to the left flipper they have awsome ball crushing powers, and are almost impossible to find!
- Explonecrosomaporpi is the preferred method of removed beached whale carcases. It is based on the simple principle that undesirable objects are best disposed of with explosives. On rare occasions explonecrosomaporpi can result in flying chunks of whale meat crushing cars, pedestrians, or even puppies. This is the result of using insufficiently powerful explosives. A properly executed explonecrosomaporpi will completely annihilate the whale; quickly removing the problem without any negative repercussions of any kind. The Bush administration recently announced plans to adapt explonecrosomaporpi for disposal of nuclear waste.
[edit] Too bad the Shalika whale ate all of these whales. NOW SHE IS DOMINATING THE WORLD! http://www.myspace.com/xxshalikabaybexx IT'LL SCAR YOU FOR LIFE
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"| <-- LIKE OMG IT'S Shalika.]]
- In the late 1990's there was a campaign to "Nuke the Whales". However, the movement was thwarted once Baby Jesus stepped in.
- Most nature film enthusiasts will recognize the name of Ron Jeremy, one of America's rising sperm whale stars.
- Whales come from Wales.
- As well as mules, Whales are known as Cockroaches of the Sea due to their bottom-feeding habits.
- Some Whales have evolved from people...and vice versa.
- Also, there are human/whale hybrids caused by toxic waste and by some guys, but be careful: they're very intelligent, very strong, very dangerous and are immune to harpwning.
- The whales will kill us all.
- Whale is a fish.
- There are currently over 1000 dead whales on Mars
- Some whales feed on obese children and any food that you happen to have on you- see Rosie O'Donnell.
- The measured diameter of an adult whale's anus is inversely proportional to the length of its body, with the largest whales having an average anal diameter of approximately 27.5 millimeters. For large whales, this anal constriction combined with a need to consume twice their body weight in food daily means that whale defecation is both constant and explosive, propelling a whale forward through the water at high rates of speed which would be otherwise unobtainable, were their anus "normally" proportioned.
- On rare occasions, whales have been found to drag themselves ashore and disguise themselves as palm trees. They will then run rampant at around midnight and feed on a diet of octane, raspberries, rappers, Bulgaria and on rare occasions, Chuck Norris.
[edit] Whale Porn
Whale Porn is said to be 4 hours long(minimum)and be the best kind of porn around beating Robot porn(3rd place) and human porn(2nd place). Enjoyed mainly by those with the so called "Whale Fetish".
