What old women want
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“They want me!”
~ Oscar Wilde on what old women want
| What Old Women Want | |
|---|---|
| Director | Mel Gibson |
| Producer | Lots of little bears on World of Warcraft |
| Main Lead | Re...*Falls into a pit slowly* |
| Rating | PG - PornoGraphic |
| Money Made in the Box Office | 3.141 million dollars |
What old women want is an unfortunate sequal to the popular film, what women want, starring three rabbits. It was instantly a box office shit and went on to become one of the ultimate porn films of all time. It featured an old woman, played by Mr. Arnold, falling slowly into a pit. This version of the film was then scrapped in favour of a sick old people porn film, involving twenty or so niggesr, jews and spics and women getting there pensions. Since this only lasted a few minutes, the production team decided to show it three million times and lock the doors.
Contents |
[edit] The Script
[edit] Original Script
In 1908.5 the original script was actually dropped in a large vat of hot stuff. Fortunately the DNA of the script was salvaged and then, splicing and dicing with frog DNA, a new copy of the script was created. Due to a series of unfortunate events this very same script was eaten by a dog. This was stood on and the meat was eaten by Martians. The production team gave up hope and started writing on a new script, this time laminated and hot stuff resistant.
No one would know that actually the script had been found and was being developed secretly underground somewhere in New York. After the renovation process the secret production team made a new movie with the script. This was released in 1234BC due to an unfortunate mistake with a time machine. Since it was released at that time, there were no cinemas to show it and all the humans were doing pleasurable things with sticks, so they had no time to view it. The secret production team ended up slowly falling into a pit which was later verified as a large egg yolk.
The choice of the original script's cover is a subject of debate however. For some reason the marketing director got it confused with his favorite cereal. HE WAS FIRED THEN HANGED.
[edit] New Script
The new script was completed in 1987 by three monkeys. This was a bad decision for the management, but Bruce Forsyth told them to do it, so it was OK. It was then typed up onto a computer which had just been invented for the movie. Paint was used for this task, since it seemed the only sensible alternative to Microsoft Word and impending doom. The script was quickly given out to the cast members and they were told to memorise it in three seconds or they were going to be thrown in a vat of orange juice with strange creatures with large eyes within it. This was the main director's - Mel Gibson - choice. Most of the cast managed it apart from Keether Sutherland who then proceeded to be dunked at random intervals in the vat of orange juice as Mel Gibson had requested.
To the producers despair, the script had spelling mistakes in, and it was at that point the production team realised that maybe they should of written it in Word instead of in Paint. For this mistake the production team were all hung and three of them had their dogs shot. This was a very mournfull day and the whole cast mourned them in full. Apart from Betty who's a viscous bitch ever since she had that accident with the tar. It was her fault though, we all blame her. Betty and her bloody frosted flakes...
[edit] Box Office Release
Unfortunately it was a huge flop. This was mainly due to the ridiculous marketing which again plaged the marketing department of the film company. There is an example of the posters which were stuck up around minor cities in western Texas and the Vatican on the right. As you can see it is a re-vamped version of the original poster. Whilst it only cost three US£ do make, rabbits were occasionaly sick when they approached it so it was banned in many countries (mainly Italy, scum).
The amount of people that went to see it was 
. This was exactly 23 people and there money added together is 3.141 million US dollars. This was all that the film made since after its first showing it was banned in every country except Italy (scum).
[edit] The Cast
Also known as the fricky crew. This consisted of the cream of the acting world and Mel Gibson. The following is the cast, as quoted from Mel Gibson:
- Mel Gibson
- Mel Gibson
- Mel Gibson
- Mel Gibson
- Mel Gibson
- Mel Gibson
- Mel Gibson
- More Mel Gibson
At this point the interview was stopped and an official cast list was obtained from the producers.
- Betty (the old woman on the case)
- Mel Gibson (he wanted to be lead role but the leprachauns in his head stopped him)
- Jesus (why not?)
- A magical rabbit (normally just off camera, he was one of Mel's pets)
- Evil mutant rainbow badgers (...)
At this point the website was pulled off the WWW by the croatian government and replaced by something more lifelike and appealing to its people. It resulted in a large picture of a dog being raped. If you want to find out the rest of the cast go and rent out the DVD. NOW.
