Wheeling Jesuit University/People/Yellow Lightning
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Yellow Lightning | ||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
| ||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||
Contents |
[edit] Early Life and Childhood
Yellow Lightning was born Darlene Marie Welles on October 1, 1976 in Fairmont, West Virginia. Darlene attended 37th Robert Byrd Middle and High School before attending West Liberty State College, earning a double degree in catering and chemical engineering.
[edit] Working Woman
In 1998, Darlene began working for Conch Power Company, where she put her chemical engineering degree to work by helping them in fossil fuel research. The company, however, was notorious for keeping to extremely lax safety standards, and accidents at the company were frequent and often fatal.
Darlene herself was victim to one such attack. While working overtime on a project that needed to be rushed, she found herself locked in a containment chamber by a late night security guard, and she was unwittingly doused with radioactive material. She was rushed to the hospital the following morning, where she remained in critical condition for six months; the doctors hypothesised that she would not live past then.
At the request of her Catholic mother, Father Stark, a Jesuit priest, was sent to Darlene's side. Father Stark performed the last rites at her mother's request, but he was convinced that Darlene would live. In fact, Stark saw in Darlene the superhuman potential that lay within her as a result of the accident.
Darlene walked away from the hospital some months later, miraculously cured. She sued Conch Power Company to bankruptcy, giving almost all of her money to her family and to the Mario County school system. Eager to learn more about the Jesuits, she applied for a position at Wheeling Jesuit University in 2001, and she accepted a job at the Benedum Room as a caterer.
[edit] WJU and the Council of Light
Darlene became a close associate of Father Stark and Dr. X. In 2002, after the peaceful Sodex-Horde was driven off Jesuit lands, ownership of the Benedum Room passed into the hands of Parkhurst Industries, who quickly became close associates with the League of Evil. The first attack on the students came after the maniacal Parkhurst despot Chip Butchbeef attempted to track student movement by adding intelligent bio-agents in the taco meat. The Council of Light only became aware of this nefarious scheme through a stroke of luck that allowed them to stop the threat at the last moment.
It was decided that an insider was needed in order to combat the real threat posed by Parkhurst Industries to the good students of Wheeling Jesuit University. Because of her prior association with Father Stark and her superhuman abilities (as well as possessing great skill in the art of omelette making), Darlene was an obvious choice. In the fall of 2002, she was officially inducted into the Council as a rare example of non-faculty, non-Jesuit staff member. She took the codename Yellow Lightning.
[edit] Powers
Yellow Lightning is capable of "super speed" as well as unparalleled control of all her body movements. Like Prince Coxar, she also has the capacity to fire lightning bolts, but to a much lesser degree of power and accuracy. For her culinary skill, she was awarded "Best Omelette Maker" by the WJU faculty and staff in 2006.
[edit] Other Members of the Council of Light
- Dr. X
- Father Stark
- Hammond the Holy (membership pending)
- Prince Coxar
- WJU's Own Tom
